The Secret Life of Dogs and Babies/Transcript

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Kate and Pal watch a “Rugrats” spoof.

Kate: I can’t believe this show. It’s so unrealistic. If my playpen were that easy to escape from, I’d be in Paris by now. And where are the parents?

Pal: I like the one with red hair. He looks like a chew toy.

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Kate talks about a “Teletubbies” spoof.

Kate: You see, Pal, the smiling baby in the sun represents our essential unity with nature.

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Mrs. Read takes Kate to have a nap.

Pal: Goodbye, dearest Kate. I know it shall only be for an hour, but it will feel like seven hours to me.

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Pal catches the wedding cake statue.

Kate: Nice catch, Pal.

Pal: Oh, that was nothing. You know I took second place at the Elwood City fetching competition. Of course it was in the lapdog category, but I think…

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Pal gets his leash stuck on a fence.

Nemo: Well, well, well, what have we here? Poor Pal. All dressed up and no place to go.

Pal: Nemo, you have to help me. I’ll do anything.

Nemo: Hm, let’s see. You could be my scratching post for a week. No, I’d probably catch your mange.

Pal: Quickly, Nemo.

Nemo: Ha, I’ve got it. Beg!

Pal: (gulps) You’re a cruel beast. He stands on his hind legs and whines.

Nemo: (laughs)  Oh, that’s rich. I love it. He loosens the leash.

Pal: How do I get to Muffy’s place?

Nemo: Make a left at the bakery smell, a right at the laundry smell, then go straight until you hit the strong scent of new money.