On the Buster Scale/Transcript

(The kids are in a movie theater, eating popcorn and wearing 3D glasses. Characters in the movie are heard, but not seen.)

Quadroblast: Magnopus Cybertroid, surrender the Lightmass or suffer the full force of Quadroblast.

Magnopus: No.

(Explosions and laser noises. Lights flash. The kids' ears or hair fly back. Everyone is excited, except for Brain.)

Quadroblast: Nice try, Magnopus, but your cyber-dynamos are no match for Quadroblast. Now, will you surrender the Lightmass?

(A close-up shot of Brain, who looks very bored.)

Magnopus: No.

(Bright, colored lights fly past the kids. Their hair or ears fly back again. Cut to them walking out of the theater and entering the lobby. Everyone except Brain excalims, "Wow!")

Brain: Eh. (returns his 3D glasses.)

Buster "Eh"? That was the best movie ever!

Brain: Oh, Buster.

Buster: Why didn't you like it?

Brain: Well, first of all, how could some car mechanic build a thousand giant robots in his garage?

(While Arthur talks, Brain and Buster argue in the background, but their words are inaudible.)

Arthur: If there's anything you can count on, it's that Buster and Brain will never agree on a movie. The other thing you can count on is that one of them is not going to be happy about it.

Buster: ...before the secret lab was invaded by Quadroblast's nano robots...

(Title card.)

Binky: On the Buster scale.

(Fade back to the episode.)

Brain: And then, for no reason, the bad robots all suddenly fly to Jupiter! For what, robot spring break?

(Arthur, Francine, Muffy, and Binky laugh.)

Brain: And, I'm sorry, but you can't blow up an entire planet that is 317 times bigger than the Earth with one weird glowing bomb thingy.

Buster: The Lightmass.

Brain: Whatever. It was all just an excuse for a lot of explosions.

Buster: Oh, brother.

Francine: I know! I see what he means!

Muffy: Yeah, you're right, Brain. That movie had lots of problems.

Binky: It stunk.

(Buster gasps. Fade to Arthur and Buster walking to Buster's condo.)

Buster: I don't get it. Everybody liked the movie. We all said, "Wow!" Then they all changed their mind because of Brain.

Arthur: Well, he did make some good points.

Buster: He didn't even get the plot right! "Some car mechanic in a garage." No, the car mechanic had a bionic brain.

Arthur: Okay, but still. Brain is pretty smart about movies.

Buster: I know about movies, too. As much as he does.

Bitzi Baxter: Oh, there you are. Come on, we're going to the movies.

Buster: We are? Cool!

Bitzi: Our film critic called in sick today, so I've got to write the review for the Friday paper.

Buster: What movie?

(Buster and Bitzi walk out of "Giant Exploding Robots 3D.")

Buster: Wow.

Bitzi: (shocked) Wow.

(Fade to inside Buster's house.)

Bitzi: I don't know what to say about that thing. It was just a lot of explosions.

Buster: Mom, that's not true. I've seen the movie twice now, and the story makes perfect sense.

Bitzi: Oh, that's great, honey. Could you explain it to me, then?

Buster: You mean you want to know what I think about a movie?

Bitzi: Yes! Please?

(Cut to Buster at The Sugar Bowl, reading the Elwood City Times.)

Buster: "And so, while adults might find Giant Exploding Robots 3D loud and hard to follow, on the evidence of my son's enthusiasm, the film is clearly just the ticket for eight-year old boys." So, what do you think of that? And she's a grown-up!

Francine: Yeah, and she didn't like it, either.

Muffy: Just like Brain.

Binky: It stunk!

Buster: Uh-huh. Well, I'm not finished yet!

Brain: You know, I've always wanted to try my hand at film criticism.

Muffy: Oh, you should, Brain. You'd be really great at it.

(Buster clear his throat loudly.)

Buster: "The Kid's Corner: Movies From a Kid's Perspective. Hi, everyone, my name is Buster Baxter. I'm eight years old, and this is what I think about Giant Exploding Robots 3D."

Francine: Wait a minute. You wrote something for the paper? "Nobody understands this great movie. It is not just a lot of explosions. The inventor is not just a car mechanic. His dad was a scientist who put a bionic brain in his head when he was a baby. The bionic brain makes him insane when he grows up, and so he builds armies of robots. There are good and bad robots, and they have amazing battles, and I won't tell you the end, except that it's totally believable. Something 317 times as big as Earth can blow up. After all, what is a supernova? Can anybody tell me that? Huh?"

Muffy: Is this for real?

Buster: Uh-huh. Last night, when I told my mom all about the movie, she got this great idea to have us both write reviews.

Muffy: "On the Buster scale, Giant Exploding Robots 3D rates a ten."

Buster: Ten plus!

(Brain laughs.)

Brain: Not to rain on your parade, Buster, but that analysis is riddled with...

Francine: "On the Buster scale"? Wow, you have a scale?

Muffy: You know, come to think of it, that inventor was insane.

Francine: Yeah, he was! The movie makes a lot more sense now!

Binky: It was a ten plus!

(Brain groans. Fade to Arthur and Brain walking.)

Brain: I don't get it. Everyone hated the movie. They said it stunk! Then they all changed their minds because of Buster.

Arthur: Well, he did make some good points.

Brain: He didn't make any points! "There are good and bad robots, and they have battles." What kind of critique is that?

Arthur: Look, it's just one review. I mean, it's not like he's going to write another one.

(Buster walks into The Sugar Bowl, holding a newspaper.)

Buster: Look, guys, another one!

(Everyone but Brain talks excitedly at the same time.)

Buster: Mom's editor said people liked reading what kids thought, and so he wants me to write one every week.

Francine: "Last week, I told you about Giant Exploding Robots 3D. Well, this week's new movie, Aliens, Aliens, and More Aliens 3D..."

(Images of Francine, Muffy, and Binky reading newspapers fly across the screen as Brain gets tired.)

Muffy: "Superheroes vs. Robots 3D..."

Binky: "You have never seen a movie like Tiny Exploding Monsters 3D..."

Francine: "First, what could be better than that title? It tells you all you need to know."

Muffy: "There are not one, but ten superheroes, and each has a different superpower."

Binky: "Who would have thought monsters could be tiny but dangerous?"

Francine: "The movie has something very important to say: Beware of aliens."

Francine, Muffy, and Binky: "On the Buster scale, a ten plus."

(Brain walks outside his parents' Ice Cream Shop, licking a cone. He gasps upon seeing a billboard for "Robot Aliens 3: The Final Explosions 3D." A worker is pasting a piece of paper that reads, "On the Buster Scale a 10+." His ice cream falls off the cone.

Brain: Yeah, that's it. That's it!

(Brain runs off camera. Fade to the inside of The Sugar Bowl.)

Rafi: Here's your refill, Mr. Baxter.

Buster: Thanks, kid.

Rafi: Say, can I maybe ask your opinion about something?

Buster: If you make it quick.

Rafi: Well, my friend and I are going to the movies tonight, and he wants to see Robot Aliens 3, but I kind of want to see Alien Robots 4. Now, I know you loved them both, but which one do you...

(A bell rings. Brain walks in with a bag. Western-sounding music plays.)

Brain: This seat taken?

Buster: Nope.

Brain: Whatcha doing?

Buster: Just writing my review of Attack of the Monster Superheroes.

Brain: Ten plus?

Buster: We'll see. It's not in 3D.

(Brain pulls his laptop out of his bag.)

Buster: What are you doing?

Brain: Oh, just working on my blog.

Buster: Blog, huh? (coughs) That's nice. What are you blogging about?

Brain: Movies.

Rafi: Really? You have a movie blog? (to Buster) Oh, sorry, sir.

Buster: That's cool. Sure are an awful lot of movie blogs out there, though. Hope yours doesn't get lost in the shuffle.

(Rafi walks to the counter and grabs his cellphone.)

Rafi: Here it is. Oh, and it's about Attack of the Monster Superheroes. That's the movie you're reviewing right now, isn't it, Mr. Baxter? Guess he beat you to it?

Brain: That's the problem with newspapers. It takes so long to get a review in print.

Rafi: "Some critics will try to convince you that Attack of the Monster Superheroes rates a ten plus, but let's be serious..."

Buster: Okay, this has gone far enough! (to Brain) You're just trying to attack me!

Brain: Well, it's lazy reviewing. Every movie can't be ten-plus. And why don't you review some movies that don't have explosions in them?

Buster: No movies don't have explosions in them!

Rafi: True.

Buster: Well, at least... I don't hate every movie like you do!

Brain: That's not true.

Buster: Okay, name one movie you like.

Brain: Simple. Um... Uh... Oh! Le Règle du Jeu.

Rafi and Buster: Huh?

Brain: Jean Renoir film. 1939. Black and white. Really beautiful dark farce about... Listen, I think the solution to this conflict is very clear. Only one of us can be right.

Buster: Yes!

Brain: So, let's prove it.

Buster: Yes! You don't mean a fight, do you?

Brain: No. We both review the same movie, and see which review changes all our friends' minds.

Buster: Sounds logical.

Rafi: But what if you both agree about the movie?

Brain and Buster: We never agree!

(At 8:00 AM, Buster and Brain both get dressed and meet each other at the cinema. They shake hands. Brain holds out five tickets, and Buster takes one. Five theaters are shown with loud movies and explosions, but theater 6 is quiet. It is showing, "Le Murmure de Silence.")

Buster: (struggling to pronounce) "Le Murmure de Silence." With English subtitles?

Brain: Can you handle it?

(Buster opens the theater doors.)

Buster: Don't worry about me.

(Fade to Arthur holding a newspaper.)

Buster: Well?

Arthur? "Well?" what?

Buster: Who's right?

Francine: How can we tell? We haven't seen the movie yet.

Brain: It doesn't matter.

Muffy: Yes, it does! You know, we do have our own opinions.

Brain: Huh. That's debatable.

Buster: You said it, brother.

Binky: I think you guys have watched too many bad movies. Your brains are mushy.

(Everyone walks away, except Buster, Brain, and Arthur.)

Buster: Wait! You haven't told us who's right! It's me, Arthur, isn't it?

Brain: Come on, Arthur. You know you agree with me.

Arthur: We read your reviews because we respect both your opinions. But you two have to learn to respect other people's opinions.

(Arthur walks away.)

Buster: Is he right?

Brain: I'm not sure. Maybe.

Buster: Well, at least we agree about that.

(They sigh.)

Buster: Maybe we should just agree to disagree.

Brain: I could live with that.

(They shake hands and walk away. They grab each other's reviews.)

Brain: You liked it?

Buster: You didn't?

Brain: But it had subtitles!

Buster: But it had no explosions! It was so sad.

Brain: Sad? It was sappy! I'd rather watch a robot explode!

Buster: Let's see more foreign films now.

Brain: So long as they're more exciting than that one.

(The episode ends.)