Introduction[]
Ants crawl through their underground tunnels while other ants bring leaves into the anthill. Two ants stand in a circle of bright light.
Ant 1: Hey, is it getting hot all of a sudden or is it just me?
Ant 2: Hm, now that you mention it, I am feeling a little toasty.
Buster is watching the ants through a magnifying glass. Francine sits next to him.
Buster: You know, close up, these ants seem a lot like people.
Francine: Yeah, it really looks like a city down there.
Buster: Hey, do you ever get the feeling that we’re being watched?
Francine: Oh Buster. You're just being paranoid.
From a hill, Arthur watches them through a coin telescope. D.W. stands next to him.
Arthur: Cool. Everyone looks like ants.
D.W.: Let me see! Let me see!
She gets to the telescope just as it switches off.
Arthur: Sorry, my quarter ran out.
D.W.: But I didn't get to see the ant people!
Arthur: There's no such thing as ant people, D.W. They just seem like ants because we’re so high up.
D.W.: There are so ant people. There's our aunt Bonnie, aunt Ruthie, aunt Hillary, aunt Claudia...
From space, an ant-like alien watches them on a monitor.
Ant-like Alien 1: Are those zantopods down there?
Ant-like Alien 2: They just look like zantopods from up here, but they're just earthlings. Wanna see my collection?
The ant-like alien shows an ant farm with human buildings on top and a man using a jackhammer to make a tunnel.
Title Card: Arthur Hides[]
Mr. Ratburn shows an old school film on a projector.
Film: “The Virtues of Science. All great scientists have five characteristics in common. They are: patient, attentive, nosy, thoughtful, and systematic. Notice, the first letter of each of these words - what does it spell?”
The kids all look bored.
Class: PANTS.
Film: "That's right. PANTS - a helpful way to remember what all great scientists possess."
The film shows Galileo Galilei dropping a lead ball from the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Film: “Take Galileo - from the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, he dropped hundreds of lead balls.”
In Arthur’s imagination, Galileo looks like Mr. Ratburn and drops two different-sized balls at once.
Galileo Galilei: Hmm, different sizes, but they land at the same time. Could it be true for all lead balls? Bring up one hundred more!
Arthur stands below.
Arturo: Si, signore, as you wish. He lifts up a ball. (grunts)
The fantasy ends. The film shows Gregor Mendel standing among pea plants.
Film: “Or take scientist Gregor Mendel - father of modern genetics - who studied thousands of pea plants to learn how traits are passed down.”
In Buster’s imagination, Mendel looks like Mr. Ratburn. He is writing in his notebook.
Gregor Mendel: So. After 20 years and 7,053 pea plants, it all comes down to this. Does plant number 7,054 have smooth or shriveled peas?
Plant 7,054 has been stripped. Buster is chewing.
Brother Buster: Er...it was smooth. I mean shriveled. No, I mean...
The fantasy ends.
Buster: Mmmm! Peas!
Mr. Ratburn: That film is over 30 years old, but it's as inspiring as when I first saw it. He rolls up the blinds. Everyone squints. I'm giving extra credit to anyone who can design a project using the five virtues of science. You have four weeks.
***
Brain, Francine, Arthur, and Buster walk through the town.
Francine: You guys wanna go to the hardware store? I'm gonna make rock candy and I need some string and a jar.
Buster: Why are you gonna make rock candy? It'll take forever. Just buy some.
Francine: Because I want to observe the crystals forming. It's for the extra credit project.
Brain: I'm going to cultivate pond scum. It's full of paramecium and other life forms.
Arthur: Watching pond scum? That would put me to sleep.
Buster: Me, too. (yawns) I'm getting tired just thinking about it.
Francine: You know what, Brain. I think these two just don't have any PANTS. Come on.
She leaves with Brain.
Arthur: Hey, we have plenty of PANTS.
Buster: Yeah, we’re patient, attentive, and... Oo, look at the monkey!
He looks at a toy monkey in a store window.
Arthur: Buster, check it out. An ant farm.
Buster: "In no time at all, ants will build an exciting metropolis. Makes science fun."
Arthur: With that, we'd show them who has PANTS!
Buster: Yeah, and we wouldn't even have to do a lot of work! The ants would do it all!
In his imagination, six ants dressed like farmers sing and dance in front of a farm.
Ants: (sing:) "You must confess, ants make P-A-N-T-S, PANTS! Ants - the easiest assignment to get extra credit! Yes, you said it! An A-N-T F-A-R-M, an ant farm! Yahoo!”
They throw up their hats.
The fantasy ends.
***
Arthur and Buster have set up the ant farm in the Reads’ living room.
Arthur: Where are the ants?
Buster: Maybe they're in there already. Hello, ants! Anyone in there?
Arthur reads the box.
Arthur: "Ants must be ordered separately. Allow one week for delivery." That only gives us three weeks for our project!
Buster: Ah, relax! Ants can lift ten times their weight. They'll build that farm in no time.
***
A bird sings on a branch as Arthur and Buster Walk by.
Arthur: It's been two weeks, and the ants haven't arrived.
Buster: I know. Spring is here already. Hey, look what I found in the pocket of my windbreaker this morning.
He holds something moldy.
Arthur: Ugh! What is it?
Buster: Half a ham sandwich. It's what I had for lunch when we won that bowling tournament in September. It's good luck.
He puts it back in his pocket.
Arthur sees Mr. Higgins delivering letters to the Read house. Arthur runs to the door and checks the mail.
Arthur: Coupons, bills, sweepstakes...ants!
Arthur and Buster run into the living room where D.W. is watching Mary Moo Cow.
D.W.: Oh no, you don't! It's still my TV time!
Arthur: Relax, D.W., we just wanna put our ants in the farm.
D.W.: There are ants in that envelope?! How do they breathe?
Arthur: I don't know. They just do.
Arthur takes a small tube with live ants out of the envelope. A note falls to the floor.
D.W.: Are the ants all related?! How do you get the ants from there to there? You should get Mom.
Arthur: D.W., would you quit pestering us. Look, you just pour them in. Arthur pours the ants. All except one get away. Oops.
Buster picks up the note.
Buster: “Have adult construct funnel out of paper and pour ants through opening very slowly.”
D.W.: You are in so much trouble.
Buster: I gotta go practice my asthma, I mean tuba. See ya.
He runs out of the room.
D.W.: Mo...!
Arthur holds her mouth shut.
Arthur: Please, D.W., please don't tell Mom and Dad. I'll do anything!
D.W.: Anything?
***
That evening, Arthur sits in front of the ant farm, which now stands on a shelf in his room, and watches the lone ant. He is wearing pajamas and holding a notebook.
Arthur: You're the only one that made it into the farm so you have to do something. Make a tunnel, anything!
D.W. comes in with a pile of books.
D.W.: Here, Arthur. Waffles the rabbit. Books 1 through 24. You'd better start reading to me now. I wanna finish the series by Sunday. She notices the ant. She's cute! What's her name?
Arthur: It doesn't have a name.
D.W.: She looks like a Penelope.
Arthur: It's an ant. It looks like every other ant.
D.W.: No, she doesn't! She's special! Do you wike Waffles the wabbit? Let's find out. D.W. and Arthur are seen by the ant through the glass. Ahem! We're waiting!
***
At the playground, Francine watches her glass of sugar water.
Francine: Not one stupid crystal! I've checked this jar every hour for over two weeks!
Arthur and Buster ride the seesaw.
Arthur: Maybe you don't have PANTS.
Francine: At least I'm doing an extra credit project. We'll see who laughs when we get our report cards!
Arthur: For your information, Buster and I are doing a project. And it's gonna be a lot more exciting than that jar!
Buster: Um, actually, Arthur, I've decided to team up with someone else.
He gets off the seesaw. Arthur’s side crashes down.
Arthur: Oof. What?! Why?
Buster walks over to Francine.
Buster: Because I really need the extra credit, and it wasn't looking too good with the ant farm.
Arthur: Well... that's where you're wrong! All the ants are in one place now, and they've been doing all sorts of interesting things.
***
At the Read house, D.W. opens a kitchen drawer and finds ants inside.
***
Mr. Read decorates a cake in his workshop and ants come out of his icing bag.
Mr. Read: Huh?
***
Pal notices a line of ants taking bits of food out of his dog dish.
***
Mrs. Read prints a page at her computer and there are ants crawling on it.
Mrs. Read: (gasps)
***
Arthur sits on his bed. His parents stand in front of him.
Mr. Read: You should have told us about the ants, Arthur. Now we’re gonna have to call an exterminator.
D.W. comes.
D.W.: What's that?
Arthur: Someone who gets rid of bugs.
D.W.: You're going to call someone to kill the ants?! She hugs the ant farm. But they're Penelope's friends and family! Arthur, tell them you'll get them all back.
Arthur: How on Earth can I do that?
D.W.: I don't know. You'll think of something. If you do, you don't have to read me any more Waffles.
Arthur: Let me try, Dad! Please!
Mrs. Read: You have till the end of the week. That's it.
***
Arthur and D.W. set up a picnic on a blanket in the living room.
D.W.: Oh, what a lovely day for a picnic!
Arthur: I'll say! But I hope we don't have any ants come along to spoil it.
D.W.: (whispers:) See any of them?
Arthur: (whispers:) No. Maybe we just have to give it some time.
Sometime later the picnic has been eaten. Arthur and D.W. have food on their faces and D.W. is shown with a bloated belly.
Arthur: (groans) I'm stuffed!
D.W.: Where are they? I thought ants loved picnic food.
Arthur: Me, too. This is gonna be trickier than I thought. We have to find out what their favorite food is.
***
Arthur and D.W. have set up labeled bowls with food on the living room floor.
D.W.: No ants in the soup... nothing on the waffles... the pickles are clean and the chili... Pal eats from the chili bowl. Hey!
Arthur uses a dictating machine.
Arthur: Note to self. Keep Pal outside during experiments.
Pal is tied up outside. He tries to get at food on the windowsill.
D.W. watches the food through binoculars and shakes her head and Arthur makes a note.
***
Arthur and D.W. have put a bowl of salad in the bathtub. D.W. shakes her head and Arthur makes a note.
***
Arthur and D.W. have put a plate of meat loaf on the washing machine. One ant comes near and D.W. nods. Arthur tries to pick it up with pincers and it runs away.
In the living room, Arthur shows D.W. an ant made of clay.
D.W.: A clay ant! Big deal! How's that gonna help us?
Arthur: It's not just a clay ant, it's a clay queen ant! In an ant colony, all the worker ants bring back food and stuff to the queen.
D.W.: If she's a queen, you forgot the most important part. She runs out and comes back with a small crown which she puts on the ant’s head. There!
***
Arthur sits on the bed and holds the ant farm. The room is full of material about ants.
Arthur: I'm sorry, Penelope. I've tried everything, but it's just no use. I guess, it's time to let you go. Maybe you'll be adopted by some other ant colony.
Francine comes in with her backpack.
Francine: So, you don't think I have PANTS, huh, Arthur Read! Well, feast your eyes on this!
She puts the jar on the table.
Arthur: I've already seen your jar, Francine.
Francine: No! Look, it's a crystal! I'm positive this time! I upped the concentration of sugar in the water and it worked. Wow! Is all this for your ant farm?
She picks up the clay ant.
Arthur: No! It's just some stupid idea I was trying for D.W. It was a complete failure.
Arthur mashes up the clay ant and throws the ball of clay behind him. Francine sees it flying towards the jar in slow motion.
Francine: No-o-o-o-o!
The clay knocks the jar off the table and it breaks. Francine stares.
Arthur: I-I'm so sorry! I'll get some glue! Maybe we can fix it!
He runs out.
When Arthur returns with glue, Francine watches the spilled sugar water.
Francine: You'd better get some bug spray too. This puddle is crawling with ants.
Arthur: That's it! Sugar water! That's what they like to eat! Thank you, Francine! Thank...
He grabs Francine’s hand and does a happy dance.
Francine, D.W. and Arthur empty plates of sugar water with ants in front of the house.
Arthur washes his hands in the kitchen. D.W. and Francine stand nearby. Francine looks angry.
Arthur: I'm glad we saved the ants, even though I'm not gonna get the extra credit.
Francine: Are you kidding? You have plenty of stuff to report.
Arthur: You're right. I’ve been pretty patient and attentive and nosy, thoughtful, and systematic too. Hey, I’ve got PANTS!
Francine: I wish I could prove I have PANTS.
D.W. looks bewildered.
Arthur: You can. Your PANTS helped me get my PANTS.
D.W.: What's the big deal about pants?! Everyone wears them! Eight-year-olds care about the weirdest things.
She runs out of the room.
***
The third graders present their projects. Arthur and Francine shake hands while Brain and Buster show their project to Mr. Ratburn.
Brain: Since the pond scum was taking so long to cultivate, we've decided to include some fascinating molds from Buster's collection of old foods. He holds up the half ham sandwich. I believe this is Myxomycetes or slime mold.
Buster: It used to be ham.
Mr. Ratburn: Er...very good. Both of you get extra credit.
Buster: All right! See? I told you it was good luck!