Arthur's Cousin Catastrophe[]
Introduction[]
Arthur is getting cleaning utensils out of a closet.
Arthur: I hope this never happens to you.
David: Hurry! They'll be here soon.
Jane wipes the windows in the kitchen. Arthur brings his dad the utensils and he cleans the cupboards.
D.W.: Mom, you missed a spot.
Arthur: No, it's not cleaning day.
D.W.: You missed a spot, Mom!
Arthur hands her a sponge.
Arthur puts on rubber gloves and goggles. Then he takes two pasta tongs and approaches the refrigerator. He opens the freezing compartment and is buried in an avalanche of ice and food.
Arthur: Argh!
David hangs up decorations in a doorway.
D.W.: Higher... Higher... Higher... A little lower... Lower...Lower...
Arthur sits in the living room with a check list.
Arthur: No, it's not a holiday.
Jane: Lawn mowed?
Arthur: Check.
David: Party fun list?
Arthur: Check. It's not a formal dinner.
Jane: Beds made? Teeth brushed? Dog fed?
Arthur: Check. Check. Check.
D.W.: There, Daddy. That's perfect.
David hangs up the decoration.
Arthur: It's all these things and more.
Jane: I guess we're as ready as we'll ever be.
David: (sighs with relief)
Arthur walks outside. Over the door is a banner saying “Annual Read Family Reunion”.
Arthur: Welcome to the Read Family Reunion!
Title Card: Arthur With Umbrella[]
The doorbell rings while David is carrying a stack of plates into the living room.
David: They're early! Can you get that, Arthur? Don't forget the list!
Arthur opens the door.
Arthur: Hi, welcome to the Read...
He is blinded by a camera flash. Bud, his wife, Loretta and their two younger children stand outside.
Bud: Gotcha! Hey there, Arty! How do you like my new camera? This supernova solar flash is a real dandy. Well, don't just stand there, Mr. Piano Man. Invite us in, hehe!
Arthur: Oh, right. Welcome to the Read Family Reunion! Come on in! Dad planned party games, so get ready for fun, fun, fun!
He hands lists to the others as they come in.
Bud: Son, "fun" is my middle name and I don't need a list to have it!
He drops the list.
Bud's Kids: (laugh)
Aunt Loretta: Monique, don't lag, darling. We brought your cousin Mo with us, Arthur.
Arthur: Cousin...Mo?
Loretta: She has a nice surprise for you. You remember cousin Mo, don't you...? (Her words echo.) Remember your cousin Mo, don't you...don't you...don't you?
Arthur is transported into the past. An about five-year-old Arthur is playing in the yard when a shadow falls on him.
Loretta: Now play nice with little cousin Arthur, Mo.
Mo is about seven.
Little Mo: Sure, we're gonna have lots of fun, aren't we, cousin Arthur? (She grabs him. Then she turns on the water in the garden hose while Arthur sits on the sprinkler. He spins around and she laughs.)
A calendar changes to another July. Mo is now wearing a karate suit and throws a six-year-old Arthur across the yard.
Little Arthur: Argh! Oof.
Little Mo: That's just a simple throw. Now I'll show you one I made up myself. It's called the headlock of death.
Little Arthur: (gasps)
A calendar changes to another July. Mo has dressed Arthur as a baby and put him in a baby carriage. Arthur is seven and has finished the second grade, as he has his glasses.
Mo: Hey, everybody, look at Arthur!
Arthur: It's not funny!
Jane: Oh, how cute! Honey, look at Arthur.
David: Haha! He's so funny!
Jane, Thora and Loretta: (Oh, how cute! So funny!)
The flashbacks end. Mo stands in front of Arthur.
Arthur: Aaaaaugh!
Mo: (gasps)
Arthur runs off.
Loretta: My, Arthur's certainly growing into an excitable boy.
***
David fans a barbecue grill with a sheet of paper.
David: Okay. The sauce is ready, the buns are ready, the coals are ready. Everyone's here. All we need are the burgers and hot dogs. Er, burgers and hot dogs! I didn't get burgers and hot dogs!
Jane brings a tray.
Jane: That's because I got the burgers and hot dogs, dear.
David: Ah, that's right!
Arthur looks at the yard from a tree through binoculars. He sees Mo standing at the door.
Arthur: Ah, target sighted! (The word “danger” flashes inside the binoculars.) I just have to get across the back yard and through the party to the house, then I can hide in my room until she's gone. But how? How?
D.W. appears in front of him. She is sitting on a lower branch.
D.W.: Hi, Arthur!
Arthur falls from his branch and hangs on to D.W.’s branch.
Arthur: (gasps)
D.W.: What are you doing hiding here in this tree? (Arthur drops to the ground.) Don't run. I hear Mo has a big surprise planned for you this year.
Arthur: We'll see about that.
He runs away.
D.W.: Yeah, maybe she wants to give you a ride in the washing machine then hang you on the clothesline to dry, or maybe... (She tries to climb down but struggles.) Arthur! Help me down! Arthur!
***
Bud films his son Ricky and his younger daughter playing with a basketball.
Bud: Hey, Ricky! Look at my boy go! Quite an athlete, huh? I bet he beats Arty in the sack race.
David: Oh my gosh, the sack race! I forgot to get sacks!
He runs inside.
Jane: Broom closet, behind the mop.
Arthur tries to get to the house when he is stopped by his cousin George.
Cousin George: Arthur, look what I brought, my comic collection. This is Spiderguy number one. I had to trade three copies of Mr. Stupendous but it was worth it. (Mo waves and walks towards them.) I don't think Mr. Stupendous could ever beat Spiderguy, that's for sure. And this is... (Arthur runs away. Both George and Mo look surprised.) Oh... Anyway, this is the latest issue of Megametal.
***
Loretta walks up to Jane who is barbequing hamburgers.
Loretta: Hello, dear. I thought I'd just give you a little hand. I know how hard cooking for a crowd can be.
Jane: Really, Loretta, I'm doing fine.
Loretta: Nonsense. I just popped into the kitchen and guess what I found? (She takes an object out of a box that looks like a triple spatula.) This Flip-o-Matic I sent you! Doesn't seem to have been used much. Maybe you don't know how. Just set the spring like this, slip it under the burgers and then... presto! (She presses a button and three patties fly into the air.) I may have that set a little too high.
A few houses away, Francis Haney steps outside.
Francis Haney: (sighs) What a perfect day! The sun is shining, the air is clear, the burgers are... The burgers?! (The three patties land on his head.) Oof. Oof. Oof. Hmph!
He brushes them off, walks back inside and slams the door.
***
Sean and Bonnie, Bud’s kids, cousin Geo and D.W. are lined up for a sack race. David speaks into a megaphone. Bud tapes the action using his camcorder.
David: Okay. Time for fun, fun, fun with the sack race! On your mark... get set...
Bud: Hold on! Just let me get focused. (He focuses the lens on his camcorder.)
Arthur bumps into David.
Arthur: Ah!
David speaks through the megaphone.
David: Arthur, wanna join the sack race? It's fun, fun, fun!
Arthur covers his ears.
Arthur: Sorry, Dad, burlap makes me itch. I...I..oh...oh...
He sees Mo coming. He quickly gets into a sack.
David: Ready? Get set... Go!
Arthur easily wins the race and keeps hopping around the house.
Bud: Wow-wee, that Arty's fast for a little fella!
Ricky throws his cap on the ground and jumps on it while still in the sack.
Ricky: Grr!
David: The race is over, Arthur! Y-you won! Arthur?
Three patties fall on David, Mo and Bud. Loretta is still holding the Flip-o-Matic.
Loretta: I guess we could turn it down one more notch.
Jane facepalms.
***
Sean, Thora and Thora’s mother are eating hamburgers. Behind Sean’s back, Arthur's still avoiding cousin Mo.
Sean: My latest project is an original mystery. It's about a man haunted by his past, on the run from a dreaded enemy. He's hunted everywhere he goes. It seems like there's no escape.
Thora's Mother: Oh! You mean like The Fugitive? Or Les Misérables? Or just like The Thirty-Nine Steps.
Thora: Mother!
Sean: Well, uh, yes, but completely different.
D.W. touches Arthur from behind.
D.W.: Gotcha!
Arthur: Yeeowww!
The grown-ups stare at him.
D.W.: (laughs)
***
Some time later, an egg race has begun. Sean balances an egg on a spoon in his mouth. He is overtaken by Bud’s children and Geo.
Everybody: (cheer)
Bonnie: Go, Sean, Go! Come on! No!
Sean falls down.
Bud: Hey, Ricky! Piece of cake! You're doing it! You're doing it!
Sean's overtaken by Thora’s mother.
Jane: Come on, Grandma!
David and Jane: Come on, Grandma! You're gonna make it!
Bud: You're gonna win, Ricky, my boy! You're gonna...
Ricky stumbles shortly before the finish line. The egg falls on Uncle Bud and breaks.
David: Hard boiled next time, huh?
Thora’s mother wins and smashes the egg on the ground.
D.W.: (holding a net) Yay!
***
Sean's playing charades. The others sit at a table trying to guess and looking bored.
David Bridge Over the River Kwai?
Bonnie: The Bridges Of Madison County?
Sean starts to loose his balance.
Loretta: A Bridge Too Far?
Sean falls down again.
D.W.: "London Bridge Is Falling Down"?
Thora's Mother: Oh, we give up! It's been half an hour already.
Sean: Honestly! On The Bridges Of Medieval Paris - A Record of Early Fourteenth-Century Life by Virginia Wylie Egbert.
Everyone: Oh...
Bonnie: We said pick a popular book.
Sean: All my friends have read it!
A table moves near the house. Arthur crawls from under the tablecloth. Mo searches for him.
***
David's dressed up as a clown. Wooden clogs lie around him.
David: Everybody ready for musical shoes?
Everybody: (groans)
Jane: Honey, I think everyone's ready to rest now.
David: Nonsense! I'm going to make sure that this is a reunion to remember. Now, where's Arthur? He's missing all the fun fun...
Thunder rolls. Jane looks up.
Jane: Uh-oh.
David: I'm sure it's just a sonic... (Lightning flashes and it begins to rain hard. ) ...boom.
Everybody runs inside in the pouring rain.
***
People are standing inside. Bud looks at his dripping camera. Sean cleans his glasses, and Jane and Loretta watch the storm from the kitchen window.
Jane: It's probably just a light shower.
Lightning flashes again as the storm rages.
Loretta: (sarcastic) Of course, dear. Whatever you say.
***
Arthur's hiding in the basement. D.W. jumps out at him.
Arthur: Ahh!
D.W.: Arthur, it's only me.
Arthur: D.W., can't you just tap me on the shoulder like anyone else?
D.W.: I slept. Hey, maybe the road will wash out and Mo will have to stay with us all week. (teasingly) Wouldn't that be fun? (Arthur stands paralyzed. D.W. waves her hand in front of his face.) Arthur, are you feeling okay?
Arthur is about to say something when he hears piano music.
Arthur: What's that?
As thunder and lightning still goes off outside, Mo is seen playing the piano in the living room. Arthur sneaks up closer. When he starts walking backwards, Mo plays out of tune. Arthur comes back.
Arthur: No, no, it's...
He plays the part correctly.
Mo: Oh, you mean like this?
She plays the part correctly. Arthur plays "Chopsticks"; she joins in.
Arthur: When did you learn to play?
Mo: When I saw you play at the other reunions, it made me wanna learn too. I've been looking for you all day so I could show you.
Arthur: I thought you wanted to decorate me like a Christmas tree or launch me into space!
Mo: You?? You're my favorite relative! The only reason I come to these dumb reunions is to play with you!
Arthur: I'm glad it's the piano this time!
Both: (laugh)
Arthur and Mo begin playing a jazzy tune together.
Loretta: Hey, everybody! Forget my MINCE-omatic demonstration; this is where the real party is!
People start dancing. D.W. looks over Mo’s and Arthur’s shoulders. Bud starts recording the action on his camcorder.
Bud: I don't want to miss a minute of this. Rain or no rain, this has been the biggest and best reunion ever!
David and Jane kiss one another. We see outside the house as everyone is dancing, as the storm has passed and it's a clear night. The episode concludes with Arthur and Mo playing "Shave and a Haircut" on the piano.