Arthur's Cousin Catastrophe/Transcript

Introduction

Arthur is getting cleaning utensils out of a closet.

Arthur: I hope this never happens to you.

Mr. Read: Hurry! They'll be here soon.

Mrs. Read wipes the windows in the kitchen. Arthur brings his dad the utensils and he cleans the cupboards.

D.W.: Mom, you missed a spot.     

Arthur: No, it's not cleaning day.

D.W.: You missed a spot, Mom!    Arthur hands her a sponge.

Arthur puts on rubber gloves and goggles. Then he takes two pasta tongs and approaches the refrigerator. He opens the freezing compartment and is buried in an avalanche of ice and food.

Arthur: Argh!

Mr. Read hangs up decorations in a doorway.

D.W.: Higher... Higher... Higher...   A little lower… Lower...Lower...

Arthur sits in the living room with a check list.

Arthur: No, it's not a holiday.

Mrs. Read: Lawn mowed?

Arthur: Check.

Mr. Read: Party fun list?

Arthur: Check. It's not a formal dinner.

Mrs. Read: Beds made? Teeth brushed? Dog fed?

Arthur: Check. Check. Check.

D.W.: There, Daddy. That's perfect.       Mr. Read hangs up the decoration.

Arthur: It's all these things and more.

Mrs. Read: I guess we're as ready as we'll ever be.

Mr. Read: (sighs relieved)

Arthur walks outside. Over the door is a banner saying “Annual Read Family Reunion”.

Arthur: Welcome to the Read Family Reunion!

Title Card: Arthur With Umbrella

The doorbell rings while Mr. Read is carrying a stack of plates into the living room.

Mr. Read: They're early! Can you get that, Arthur? Don't forget the list!     Arthur opens the door. 

Arthur: Hi, welcome to the Read...     He is blinded by a camera flash. Uncle Bud, his wife Loretta and their two younger children stand outside.

Uncle Bud: Gotcha! Hey there, Arty! How do you like my new camera? This supernova solar flash is a real dandy. Well, don’t just stand there, Mr. Piano Man. Invite us in, hehe!

Arthur: Oh, right. Welcome to the Read Family Reunion! Come on in! Dad planned party games, so get ready for fun, fun, fun!           He hands lists to the others as they come in.

Uncle Bud: Son, "fun" is my middle name and I don't need a list to have it!   He drops the list.

Bud’s Kids: (laugh)

Aunt Loretta: Monique, don't lag, darling. We brought your cousin Mo with us, Arthur.

Arthur: Cousin...Mo?

Aunt Loretta: She has a nice surprise for you. You remember cousin Mo, don't you...?   Her words echo.  Remember your cousin Mo, don't you...don’t you…don’t you?

Arthur is transported into the past. An about two-year-old Arthur is playing in the yard when a shadow falls on him.

Aunt Loretta: Now play nice with little cousin Arthur, Mo.       Mo is about seven.

Little Mo: Sure, we're gonna have lots of fun, aren't we, cousin Arthur?      She grabs him. Then she turns on the water in the garden hose while Arthur sits on the sprinkler. He spins around.    (laughs)

A calendar changes to another July. Mo is now wearing a karate suit and throws Arthur across the yard.

Little Arthur: Argh!    Oof.

Little Mo: That's just a simple throw. Now I'll show you one I made up myself. It’s called the headlock of death.

Little Arthur: Hh!

A calendar changes to another July. Mo has dressed Arthur as a baby and put him in a baby carriage.

Mo: Hey, everybody, look at Arthur!

Arthur: It's not funny!

Mrs. Read: Oh, how cute! Honey, look at Arthur.

Mr. Read: Haha! He's so funny!

Mrs. Read+Tora+Loretta: (Oh, how cute! So funny!)   

The flashbacks end. Mo stands in front of Arthur.

Arthur: Augh!

Mo: Hh!         Arthur runs off.

Aunt Loretta: My, Arthur's certainly growing into an excitable boy.

#

Mr. Read fans a barbeque with a sheet of paper.

Mr. Read: Okay. The sauce is ready, the buns are ready, the coals are ready. Everyone’s here. All we need are the burgers and hot dogs. Er, burgers and hot dogs! I didn’t get burgers and hot dogs!    Mrs. Read brings a tray.

Mrs. Read: That's because I got the burgers and hot dogs, dear.

Mr. Read: Ah, that's right!

Arthur looks at the yard from a tree through binoculars. He sees Mo standing at the door.

Arthur: Ah, target sighted!    The word “danger” flashes inside the binoculars.     I just have to get across the back yard and through the party to the house, then I can hide in my room until she's gone. But how? How?         D.W. appears in front of him. She is sitting on a lower branch.

D.W.: Hi, Arthur!        Arthur falls from his branch and hangs on to D.W.’s branch.

Arthur: Hh!

D.W.: What are you doing hiding here in this tree.    Arthur drops to the ground.    Don’t run. I hear Mo has a big surprise planned for you this year.

Arthur: We’ll see about that.          He runs away.

D.W.: Yeah, maybe she wants to give you a ride in the washing machine then hang you on the clothesline to dry, or maybe...  She tries to climb down.  (struggles)    Arthur! Help me down! Arthur!

#

Uncle Bud films his son Ricky and his younger daughter playing with a basketball.

Uncle Bud: Hey, Ricky!    Look at my boy go! Quite an athlete, huh? I bet he beats Arty in the sack race.

Mr. Read: Oh my gosh, the sack race! I forgot to get sacks!     He runs inside.

Mrs. Read: Broom closet, behind the mop.

Arthur tries to get to the house when he is stopped by his cousin George.

Cousin George: Arthur, look what I brought, my comic collection. This is Spiderguy number one. I had to trade three copies of Mr. Stupendous but it was worth it.    Mo waves and walks towards them.     I don't think Mr. Stupendous could ever beat Spiderguy, that’s for sure. And this is...    Arthur runs away. Both George and Mo look surprised.    Oh... Anyway, this is the latest issue of Megametal.

#

Aunt Loretta walks up to Mrs. Read who is barbequing hamburgers.

Aunt Loretta: Hello, dear. I thought I'd just give you a little hand. I know how hard cooking for a crowd can be.

Mrs. Read: Really, Loretta, I'm doing fine.

Aunt Loretta: Nonsense. I just popped into the kitchen and guess what I found?     She takes an object out of a box that looks like a triple spatula.      This FLIP'oMatic I sent you. Doesn’t seem to have been used much. Maybe you don’t know how. Just set the spring like this, slip it under the burgers and then... presto!        She presses a button and three patties fly into the air.             I may have that set a little too high.

A few houses away Mr. Haney steps outside.

Mr. Haney: (sighs)  What a perfect day! The sun is shining, the air is clear, the burgers are... The burgers?!   The three patties land on his head.   Oof. Oof. Oof.   Hmph!    He brushes them off, walks back inside and slams the door.

#

Uncle Sean and his wife, Uncle Bud’s kids, cousin George and D.W. are lined up for a sack race. Mr. Read uses a megaphone. Uncle Bud uses a video camera.

Mr. Read: Okay. Time for fun, fun, fun with the sack race. On your mark... get set...

Uncle Bud: Hold on! Just let me get focused.          Arthur bumps into his dad.

Arthur: Ah! His dad speaks through the megaphone.

Mr. Read: Arthur, wanna join the sack race? It's fun, fun, fun.         Arthur covers his ears.

Arthur: Sorry, Dad, burlap makes me itch. I…I..oh...oh…        He sees Mo coming. He quickly gets into a sack.

Mr. Read: Ready? Get set... Go!      Arthur easily wins the race and keeps hopping around the house.

Uncle Bud: Wow-wee, that Arty's fast for a little fella!     Bud’s son throws his cap on the ground and jumps on it while still in the sack.

Ricky: Grr!

Mr. Read: The race is over, Arthur! Y-you won! Arthur?        Three patties fall on Mr. Read, Mo and Uncle Bud. Aunt Loretta is still holding the FLIP'oMatic.

Aunt Loretta: I guess we could turn it down one more notch.     Mrs. Read facepalms.

#

Uncle Sean, Grandma Thora and Thora’s mother are eating hamburgers. Behind Sean’s back, Arthur is still avoiding cousin Mo.

Uncle Sean: My latest project is an original mystery. It's about a man haunted by his past, on the run from a dreaded enemy. He's hunted everywhere he goes. It seems like there's no escape.

Thora’s Mother: Oh! You mean like The Fugitive? Or Les Misérables? Or just like The Thirty-Nine Steps.

Grandma Thora: Mother!

Uncle Sean: Well, uh, yes, but completely different.     D.W. touches Arthur from behind.

D.W.: Gotcha!

Arthur: Yeeowww!        The grown-ups stare at him.

D.W.: (laughs)

#

Uncle Sean balances an egg on a spoon in his mouth. He is overtaken by Bud’s children and cousin George.

Everybody: (cheer)

Sean’s Wife: Go, Sean, Go! Come on!   No!         Sean falls down.

Uncle Bud: Hey, Ricky! Piece of cake! You're doing it! You're doing it!         Sean is overtaken by Thora’s mother.

Mrs. Read: Come on, Grandma!

Mr.+Mrs. Read: Come on, Grandma! You’re gonna make it!

Uncle Bud: You’re gonna win, Ricky, my boy! You’re gonna…     Ricky stumbles shortly before the finish line. The egg falls on Uncle Bud and breaks.

Mr. Read: Hard boiled next time, huh?         Thora’s mother wins and smashes the egg on the ground.

D.W.: Yay!

#

ARTHUR'S COUSIN CATASTROPHE

Written by: Terence Taylor --- Storyboard by: Jean Charles Fink

(Bird snging, thunder crashing)

Binky Barnes: (V.O.) Arthur's Cousin Catastrophe!

(Back to the story)

there early
13:30
can you get that Arthur don't forget the
13:32
list hi welcome to the reach gotcha
13:37
hey there Artie how do you like my new
13:39
camera this supernova solar flash is a
13:42
real dandy well don't just stand there
13:44
mr. piano man invite us in oh right
13:48
welcome to the Reed family reunion come
13:51
on in dad plan party games so get ready
13:55
for fun fun fun Sun fun is my middle
13:59
name
14:00
and I don't need a list to have it money
14:05
don't lag darlin we brought your cousin
14:07
Moe with us Arthur cuz
14:11
no she has a nice surprise for you
14:14
you remember cousin mo don't you
14:16
remember your cousin don't now play nice
14:23
with little cousin Arthur mo sure we're
14:26
gonna have lots of fun aren't we cousin
14:29
Arthur just a simple throw now I'll show
14:43
you when I made up myself it's called
14:45
the head knock em dead hey everybody
14:52
look at Arthur there's no funny oh how
14:57
cute honey look at Arthur he's so funny
15:16
my Arthur certainly growing into an
15:20
excitable boy okay the sauce is ready
15:25
the buns are ready the coals are ready
15:26
everyone's here all we need are the
15:28
burgers and hot dogs burgers and hot
15:31
dogs I didn't get burgers and hot dogs
15:33
that's because I got the burgers and hot
15:35
dogs dear huh that's right ahh
15:43
target sighted I just have to get across
15:46
the backyard and through the party to
15:48
the house then I can hide in my room
15:50
until she's gone how what are you doing
15:59
hiding here in this tree don't run I
16:05
hear mow as a big surprise plan for you
16:07
this year we'll see about that yeah
16:11
maybe she wants to give you a ride in
16:13
the washing machine then hang you on the
16:16
clothesline to dry or maybe yeah Arthur
16:21
help me down Arthur hey Ricky look at my
16:30
boy go quite an athlete huh Betty beats
16:33
Artie in the sack race oh my gosh the
16:35
sack race I forgot to get sacks broom
16:38
closet behind the mob Arthur look what I
16:44
brought my comic collection this is
16:47
Spider guy number one I have to try
16:48
three copies of mr. stupendous but it
16:51
was worth it I don't think mrs. to
16:53
Venice can ever be spotted I that's for
16:55
sure
16:57
Oh anyway this is the latest issue of
17:01
mega metal hello dear I thought I just
17:06
give you a little hand I know how hard
17:09
cooking for a crowd can be really
17:11
Loretta I'm doing fine nonsense I just
17:15
popped into the kitchen and guess what I
17:16
found
17:17
this flip o matic I sent you doesn't
17:19
seem to have been used much maybe you
17:22
don't know how just set the spring like
17:25
this slip it under the burgers and then
17:28
presto I may have that set a little too
17:33
high what a perfect day the sun is
17:40
shining the air is clear the burgers ooh
17:52
okay time for fun fun fun with the sack
17:56
race on your mark get set
18:01
hold on just let me get focused
18:04
Oh Arthur want to join the sack race
18:08
it's fun fun fun sorry dad burlap makes
18:11
me itch Oh ready get set go
18:27
wow-whee that Arty's fast for a little
18:30
fella I guess we could turn it down one
18:43
more notch
18:46
my latest project is an original mystery
18:49
it's about a man haunted by his past on
18:52
the run from a dreaded enemy who's
18:55
hounded everywhere he goes
18:56
it seems like there's no escape oh you
19:00
mean like the fugitive Oh name is Arab
19:02
or just like the 39 stepmother
19:06
well yes but completely different
19:42
you're doing it
19:47
you're gonna win
19:50
a hard-boiled next time bridge over the
20:02
River Kwai The Bridges of Madison County
20:04
a bridge too far
20:07
London Bridge is falling down Oh
20:12
we give up its been half an hour
20:14
already honestly on the bridges of
20:18
medieval Paris a record of early 14th
20:21
century life by Virginia Wylie Eggbert
20:25
we said pick a popular book well all my
20:29
friends have read it everybody ready for
20:39
musical shoes oh honey I think
20:45
everyone's ready to rest now nonsense
20:48
I'm gonna make sure this is a reunion to
20:50
remember now where's Arthur he's missing
20:52
all the fun fun huh I'm sure it's just a
20:58
sonic
21:10
it's probably just a light shower of
21:15
course dear whatever you say
21:22
ah Arthur it's only me GW can you just
21:28
tap me on the shoulder like anyone else
21:30
I slipped hey maybe the road will wash
21:33
out in mo we'll have to stay with us all
21:35
week wouldn't that be fun
21:38
Arthur are you feeling okay
21:43
what's that
22:02
No No
22:08
oh you mean like this what did you learn
22:24
to buy when I saw you played the other
22:26
meeting yes it made me want to learn too
22:28
I've been looking for you all day so I
22:30
could show you I thought you wanted to
22:32
decorate me like a Christmas tree or
22:34
launch me in the space you you're my
22:37
favorite relative the only reason I come
22:39
to these dumb reunions is to play with
22:41
you I'm glad it's a piano this time hey
22:47
everybody
22:47
forget my min somatic demonstration this
22:50
is where the real party is
22:56
I don't want to miss a minute rain or no
23:00
rain this has been the biggest that best
23:02
reunion ever
23:53
you t

After all the cousins had gone home Arthur listened to when you wish upon a star from Pinocchio.