Introduction[]
Arthur, D.W. and their parents sit in a movie theater.
Announcer (on screen): And now some scenes from our coming attractions.
D.W. holds her hands over her eyes.
Arthur: This is the kind of movie I like best. One with great chase scenes!
On the screen, a motorcyclist wearing a tuxedo and a helmet is pursued by two other motorbikes.
Announcer (on screen): He's back and his bite is worse than his bark!
The first biker presses a button and smoke engulfs the two others.
Arthur: And lots of action and suspense.
Hound fights a villain in a fish restaurant.
Spectator (on screen): (gasps)
Hound wraps the villain in a net.
Spectators (on screen): (cheer)
James Hound (on screen): May I suggest the catch of the day? Sorry about the mess. Put it on my tab.
Barkeeper (on screen): What's the name, Monsieur?
James Hound (on screen): The name is Hound, James Hound.
Arthur: And lots of really cool gadgets.
Hound’s pen expands to a jetpack.
Arthur: And evil geniuses planning to take over the world.
A villain in a control room swings his chair around.
Villain (on screen): And when I control all the salt mines, everyone will bow down to me!
In the White House, the president pushes away a plate of French fries.
President (on screen): These fries are tasteless. We've got to do something!
Arthur: And then there are the really boring scenes...
Hound sits on a beach with a woman at sundown.
Hound Girl (on screen): Oh, James! James!
Arthur: ...but they don't last too long. (sighs) Yep, that's just the type of film I'd like to see...
Announcer (on screen): Children under 13 not admitted unless unaccompanied by an adult.
Arthur: ...and can't.
Mr. Read: Sorry Arthur. Only five more years.
D.W.: Shh! It's starting.
Announcer (on screen): And now our feature presentation: "Kitty Come Home".
Arthur: Ohhhhh!
He slides down in his seat as a cat meows in the movie.
Title Card: Buster Roars (Lion)[]
Arthur, Buster, Brain and Francine come out of an ice-cream shop.
Arthur: It was really boring. A little girl loses her cat, and it finds its way home. Big whoop!
Buster: You should have seen the new James Hound movie. He's got this cat that turns into a boat!
Brain: And the special effects are excellent. In the end, he e-mails himself to the bad guy!
Arthur: You saw it??
Buster: Ah, just the commercials.
Francine: I guess, we'll just have to wait till we're older.
Buster: But James Hound is gonna get older, too. By the time we can see a James Hound movie, he'll be ancient!
In his fantasy, lightning flashes outside a castle dungeon as an elderly James Hound walks through the stone walls with a walking stick.
Villain: You'll never escape, Hound!
James Hound: No fortress can hold me!
He and the villain, an old lady with a walker, both sit down on a stone bench and try to catch their breath.
Both: (pant)
Villain: You'll never escape, Hound!
James Hound: No fortress can hold me! (coughs)
The slow chase continues.
The fantasy ends.
Buster: Oh...
Brain: Buster, they'll probably get a new actor to play James Hound.
Buster: Yeah, but he won't be as good.
All: Aw...
Around a corner, Muffy is filming ants in a trashcan while Bailey waits.
Muffy: Hello, little ants! Smile for the camera!
Francine: Hi, Muffy!
Muffy: Finally, some friends to film!
Arthur: Hi!
Francine: Hi!
Brain: Salutations!
Buster eats a spoonful of ice-cream.
Muffy: I see Buster Baxter's eating a Ranchero sundae. It's probably his sixth. Are those crushed taco chips sprinkled on top?
She gets too close and gets ice-cream on her camera lens.
Muffy: Yuck!
Arthur: Wow! What a cool video camera!
Muffy: It has over sixty buttons and switches.
Francine: What do they all do?
Muffy: I'm not sure, but my real problem is I don't know what to make a movie about. Any ideas?
Arthur: I have an idea!
In his fantasy, Arthur rides his bicycle across the playground wearing a tuxedo and a motorcycle helmet like James Hound in the introduction. Two people on bicycles pursue him, also wearing motorcycle helmets.
Arthur: This should give them the slip!
He presses a button, and smoke comes out of a container on the bike. The first pursuer (Francine) stops.
Francine: (coughs)
She stops.
Arthur rides over a seesaw and a lunch table. He and the second pursuer (Buster) remove their helmets.
Buster: Next time, you won't be so lucky, Mr.... Mr....
Arthur: The name's Hound, James Hound!
The fantasy ends.
***
Later, the kids are on the playground. Brain, wearing a green bathrobe, pumps up bike tires. Muffy, wearing a beret, talks to Arthur who is wearing a black jacket.
Muffy: This is a great idea, Arthur! It'll be just like the real movie!
Francine: Hey, Arthur, here is a bowtie from home you can use.
She hands him a polka-dotted bowtie.
Arthur: I can't wear that! I'll look like a clown! Besides, James Hound's bowtie is black.
Francine: Well, it's the best I could do.
Brain: Here, Arthur, to create the smokescreen, just squeeze this bottle of baby powder as you ride your bike.
Muffy yells into a megaphone, making the others wince.
Muffy: Places, everyone!
Brain: Aah!
***
Francine bangs two blackboard erasers together like a clapperboard.
Francine: The big chase scene, take one! (coughs)
Muffy: Action!
Arthur rides his bike and squeezes the bottle of baby powder.
Arthur (Hound): This should give them the slip! He gets covered in powder. (coughs) I can't see! Whoa!
He crashes. Muffy films him on the ground.
Muffy: That's it! I want to see sorrow, passion, rage!
Arthur: Cut!
He lies back.
***
The kids stand at the edge of the park. The bicycles are leaning on a tree, Arthur’s front tire is bent.
Francine: Let's do the part where Hound saves a pretty woman from something really scary, and then they gaze into each other's eyes.
Arthur: Um, I don't think that's in the movie.
Buster: I know what we'll do! The evil genius is in his space station which is shaped like a giant crab!
Buster sits in the stations control room, wearing an eye patch and a metal crab claw instead of his left hand.
Buster (villain): With my fish hypnotic ray, I'll have the entire planet in the palm of my... claw!
The space station’s claw-like appendages shoot a red ray into the Earth’s Ocean. Fish come to the surface.
Fish: We must eat the land people. We must eat the land people!
Bathers flee from a beech as the fish reach the shore.
People: (scream)
Fish: We must eat the land people!
Buster’s face is superimposed on the beach.
Buster (villain): (evil laugh)
In the space station, a metal door flies out of its hinges and Arthur as Hound bursts in.
Arthur (Hound): Not so fast, Captain Crustacean!
Buster (villain): How...?! How good to see you. Let me give you a hug!
Metal arms come out of holes in the wall and grab at Arthur, who dodges them. Arthur breaks a glass case containing a trident.
Arthur (Hound): Hi-yah!
He sticks the trident in the mass of metal arms, which explode.
The fantasy ends.
Buster: And then, the evil genius escapes in his supersonic jet to his other space station shaped which is shaped like a giant clam and...
Arthur shakes him.
Arthur: Buster! Snap out of it!
Francine: Buster, there's no way we could do something that complicated.
Buster: Huh? Oh, you're right. Why even bother?
Brain: Well, we could do a supersonic jet.
Buster: Really?
***
Brain works on something on the ground while the others watch.
Brain: Paper. Marker. Spray paint. Ta-da!
He has built a model plane.
Buster: Wow! It's just like I imagined! Better!
***
Muffy films the model plane “flying” on strings in front of the blue sky.
Everyone except Muffy: (imitating jet noises) Scchhuuhhh...
Pal jumps up and grabs the jet.
Pal: (barks)
Buster: (meekly) Woof... woof...
Pal shakes the jet and gnaws on it.
Pal: (growls)
Arthur: We can make another jet, Buster.
Buster: Yeah, but we can't make it Pal-proof.
Brain: I know something we can do that doesn't need fancy gadgets or special effects.
Francine: The part where James rescues a beautiful woman and looks deeply into her eyes?
Brain: No, the part where Hound's genius sidekick cracks the secret code and saves the world!
In his fantasy, he and Arthur stand in a control room while a missile flies towards the Earth.
Arthur (Hound): You've got to hurry up, IQ! The missile will hit Earth in ten seconds!
Brain (IQ): According to my calculations, the final digit of the secret code must be a one or a two, but which is it? A one or a two? A one or a two?
He presses the ‘one’ button. The missile screeches to a halt right above the White House.
Brain rides through a ticker tape parade in a convertible while Arthur follows on a motorbike.
Brain (IQ): Thank you! Thank you! It was the least I could do!
The fantasy ends.
***
Muffy films as Brain works on a library computer.
Arthur (Hound): You've got to hurry up, IQ. The missile will hit in ten seconds.
Behind them a lady is trying to check out books.
Lady: I don't know what's wrong, Miss Turner. The computer won't let me check out these books.
Miss Turner: I guess we'll just have to do it by hand.
Brain (IQ): According to my calculations, the last digit should be a one or a two, but which is it? A one or a two?
The lights in the library go off.
Brain: I guess it was a two.
***
A little later the kids leave the library.
Muffy: It's a good thing you got those lights working. We might have been banned from the library forever.
Brain: Sorry. I didn't know I was breaking into the library's electrical system.
Francine: I suggest we do a scene that won't get us in trouble, like the one where you rescue me.
She takes Arthur’s arm.
Arthur: (gulps)
***
Francine is now in a swimsuit and is sitting on an air mattress in the Crosswire Pool. Brain holds Sharky, D.W.’s inflatable shark, Buster wears a Captain Crustacean costume and Arthur wears swimming trunks and the bowtie.
Francine: Is everybody ready?
Brain: Affirmative!
Buster: Ready!
Arthur: Okay.
D.W. stands next to Muffy who is filming. She holds two flippers like a clapperboard.
D.W.: Arthur... I mean James Hound saves the pretty lady, take one. (claps the flippers)
Buster (villain): I hope you enjoy seafood, Miss... pretty young lady... or rather, I hope it enjoys you! A-ha! Ha ha ha ha!
He leaves.
Francine (lady): Oh no! I'm doomed! Who will save me?
Arthur (Hound): (imitating English accent) Never fear! Hound is here!
He jumps into the pool and pushes the mattress to the edge.
Francine (lady): James! Watch out!
Arthur grabs the inflatable shark, wrestles with it and deflates it.
Arthur (Hound): (struggles)
Francine (lady): Oh, James, how can I ever repay you?
Arthur (Hound): One look into those eyes is worth all the money in the world!
They look at each other.
Muffy Cut!
Arthur looks disgusted.
Arthur: (back in normal voice) I can't believe I did that!
Brain brings towels.
Brain: Are you kidding?! That was just like a James Hound movie!
Buster: Yeah! You two are gonna be famous!
Arthur: Gee, I don't know, Buster.
D.W.: Remember, if they show it in the movie theaters, Sharky gets some of the money.
Francine: Did you get it on tape?
Muffy: Of course! At least, I think so. I was pushing the button! She pushes the button and a tripod comes out. Er, maybe it was this one.
She pushes another button and the lens starts spinning.
Arthur: Muffy, did you record anything?
Muffy: I think I got something.
Francine: But this was the only scene worth watching! It was the only one like a real James Hound movie!
Muffy: Wait a minute! I found it! This is the record button!
She presses a button. The video cassette is ejected and falls into the pool.
Muffy: Oops!
***
That evening, the four kids and Prunella sit in the Reads’ living room.
Muffy: Well, here goes.
She turns on the video recorder.
The screen shows Arthur adjusting his tie.
Prunella: Who's that supposed to be?
Arthur: Oh. James Hound.
Prunella: You're joking, right? I saw the real James Hound movie, and it was nothing like that!
Arthur: to Francine: I told you I needed a black bowtie!
The screen shows Arthur squirting baby powder while riding his bike.
Muffy: That's supposed to be a motorcycle. But the Brain didn't put special things on it like I told him too.
Brain: If you had filmed it right, it would have looked better.
Buster: Hey, where am I? Did you get me in? I was the best part!
Arthur: It's all your fault! You didn't even know how to use your camera. You filmed all of the wrong parts!
Buster: Why couldn't you make me a claw so I would look like a real villain?
Brain: Why didn't you make your own claw? I can't do everything!
Buster: Well, that's for sure! I don't think you can do anything!
Muffy: You're all fired!
Arthur: You can't fire us!
While they argue, Prunella is fascinated by the video.
Prunella: Hey, ssh! The movie! (laughs)
The video shows Arthur, Buster and Brain laughing after the baby powder incident.
Arthur+Buster+Brain: (laugh)
The video shows Pal running off with the model plane.
Arthur (on video): Pal! Come back! Pal, give that back!
The video shows Buster standing in the darkened library while Brain works in another room.
Brain: There! Did that make the lights go on?
Buster: I don't know. It's too dark to tell. Get it? (laughs) Brain gives him a look. Too dark to... No, still out. Keep trying!
The video shows Arthur, Francine, Buster and Brain rolling on the ground laughing in the park.
Kids: (laugh)
The video ends.
Muffy: The end!
D.W. comes in.
D.W.: My favorite part was when Sharky came off the bicycle pump and flew around the swimming pool!
Prunella: Wow! I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it was nothing like the James Hound movie...
Arthur: Oh yeah? Well, we tried but...
Prunella: It was much better!
Arthur: Really?
Muffy: And the next one's going to be even better! Oops!
She accidentally ejects the cassette again.
Kids: (sigh)