Arthur and the Square Dance[]
Introduction[]
In his imagination an adult Arthur is on the phone in a big office he's wearing the same clothes that Mr. Ratburn wears.
Arthur: I want more icing on the cakes and more cream in the custard. (He faces the camera) Hello. I'm Arthur Read and I just had my eighteenth birthday. I'm now an adult. I'm the president of a catering business.
Shot of a skyscraper with a sign saying, “Arthur’s Catering Business”.
In his office Arthur tests an éclair.
Arthur: Mmm! It needs more sugar.
Chef: Yes, Mr. Read.
Arthur: I like my job. Arthur drives a big limousine. Of course, I have a chauffeur, but sometimes I like to drive.
The chauffeur sits in the back seat.
Arthur is in the supermarket with a shopping trolley full of soft drinks, candy and potato chips.
Arthur: I also do the shopping for dinner.
Arthur stands in front of a fine house and a gate shuts.
Arthur: Yes, sir! Life's been good to me. I have a nice house... and a great son.
A miniature version of himself hugs him.
Arthur's son: Hi, Daddy! I love you. Mom! Daddy's home!
Arthur: Mom?!
An adult Francine walks towards him.
Francine: Hi, honey. How about a hug and a big kiss?
The camera zooms in on her lips.
The real Arthur wakes up in his bed, laying down.
Arthur: Aaahhh! (He sits up in bed, and putting his glasses on) It's nightmares like that that make me never want to grow up.
Title card: Umbrella[]
Francine (voiceover): Arthur and the Square Dance.
It’s pouring rain. Inside the school gym the kids are square dancing to country music from a record player. Mrs. McGrady is the caller.
Mrs. McGrady: Swing you partner round and round. That's it. Keep swinging. Do-si-do.
Binky is swinging Muffy, whose feet are not touching the ground.
Muffy: Binky, not so fast!
Mrs. McGrady: Side couples up to the middle... High five.
Binky lets go of Muffy, who flies into Francine.
Muffy: Aah!
Francine: Hey, watch it!
Muffy: It's not my fault! Binky threw me!
Mrs. McGrady: You too! Front and back and up to the middle, and then scoot back.
Muffy holds up her hand for a high five.
Muffy: Binky, what are you waiting for?
Binky: Huh? Oh.
He runs at Muffy.
Muffy: Uh-oh.
Binky high fives Muffy so hard she bumps into Alex and all dancers fall like dominos.
Alex: (yells out in pain)
Kids: (yell out in pain)
The record player falls of the chair. Mrs. McGrady catches it and ends up on the floor as well. Only Binky is still standing.
Kids: (groan in pain)
Binky looks around.
Binky: This is such a dumb dance!
He sits down on the floor and imitates the others by rubbing his shin.
***
After the dancing lesson, Muffy, Arthur and Francine walk out of the school.
Muffy: Arthur, next time it rains, and we have square-dancing, would you be my partner?
Arthur: Okay.
Francine: Hey, wait a second! Then who's going to be my partner?
We see that Binky’s shoelace is caught in the door.
Binky: Hey! Stupid shoelace.
He rips it to get free.
Francine: Sorry, Muffy. Arthur's only dancing with me! Come on, Arthur. I'll give you a lift home.
Francine and Arthur run to Mr. Frensky’s truck.
Muffy: Hm! You'd think they were married or something!
Binky: Something smells rotten about this. You don't think Arthur and Francine...?
Muffy: Oh please! It's so obvious! Next time it rains, you'll see who's dancing with who.
Binky: Wow! I guess Arthur and Francine are... in love! I think I'm going to be sick!
***
Binky is leaning on a lamppost near the school as Arthur walks by.
Arthur: (whistles) Hi, Binky.
Binky: Hey, lover-boy! Where's your girlfriend?
Arthur: My what??
Binky: You know - her middle name is Alice and she's a girl.
Arthur: You mean Muffy?
Binky: No, doofus, Francine! Sheesh! You don't even know your own girlfriend?
Arthur: Francine is not my girlfriend!
Binky: Oh, don't worry. Your little secret is safe with me.
Arthur: Hm!
Arthur walks on.
Binky: “Arthur and Francine sitting in a tree K-I-S-N-I...” Wait a minute. K-S- Oh... Oh, well. You know what I mean!
Arthur: Francine and me?! Hahaha! What a joke!
***
Fern and Jenna walk down a corridor. Francine stands at her locker as Arthur approaches.
Fern+Jenna: (laugh)
Arthur: Francine! You want to hear something really funny? Binky thinks...
Francine: Hold on, Arthur. I've got a surprise for you. She takes two cowboy hats out of her locker. I found them in our basement.
Arthur: Cool.
Francine: I thought we could wear them next time there's a square dance. She puts one hat on Arthur and one on her own head. Care to dance, partner?
Arthur: I'd be right proud, ma'am.
They circle round.
Arthur+Francine: “Swing your partner round and round. Elbow left and promenade home.”
Jenna, Binky, Brain and Sue Ellen are staring at them.
Francine: Hey, Arthur, what do you want to tell me?
Arthur: Ah... It's not important. I'll tell you later.
He gives Francine her hat and walks away looking glum.
***
Francine and Muffy are in the locker room changing into their baseball uniforms.
Muffy: See you on the field.
Francine throws Muffy her mitt.
Francine: Hey, Muffy, I've got to break in my new mitt. You want to use my old one for today's game? It's the best!
Muffy: Wow! The glove that won last year's championship. Too bad my hand's too small.
Francine: Oh well, give it to Arthur. Maybe he'll catch something today.
***
The kids play baseball. Binky makes kissing noises at Arthur.
Binky: (kissing noises)
Arthur: Binky, I'm telling you, nothing is going on between Francine and me!
Muffy: Oh, Arthur! I almost forgot. Francine wants you to wear her mitt. Here!
She tosses it to Arthur.
Arthur: Wow! The glove that won last year's championship! Francine would never part with this, unless... No way! She could never be in love with...
Binky: Uh-oh! Arthur!
He points at Francine, who is standing on the pitcher’s mound.
Francine: Ready out there, Arthur?
Arthur: (gulps) Or could she?
***
Arthur and Francine sit in the Sugar Bowl. Arthur looks around nervously while Francine drinks her lemonade.
Francine: Ah! Well, Arthur, what's this big secret that you couldn't tell me in front of the others?
Arthur: Um, Francine...
Francine: Hey, are you going to finish that?
Arthur: Go ahead. He pushes his lemonade to her. You don't...like... er... Binky and Brain are standing in front of the window. Arthur yells out in shock.
Francine: I don't like what, Arthur?
Arthur: Nothing. Forget I ever said anything. I got to go.
He puts money on the table and leaves.
Francine: What's gotten into him?
***
Buster is playing a video game in his house while talking to Arthur on the phone.
Buster: (laughs) Arthur, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard!
Arthur is sitting at his home eating popcorn.
Arthur: That's what I thought, Buster. But then she wants us to wear matching cowboy hats, for me to use her mitt, and... I don't know what's next.
Buster: Look, all I can tell you is you'd better keep away from her.
Arthur: How can I keep away from her? Francine is one of my best friends!
Buster: Arthur, what if she tries to kiss you?
Arthur: What?!
He spills popcorn.
Buster: That's what girls do when they like you. Arthur? Are you okay, Arthur?
Arthur has a fantasy in which a doctor talks to Arthur’s parents who are sitting in the waiting room.
Doctor: Mr. and Mrs. Read, I'm afraid I have some... bad news. Your son has...cooties!
Arthur is behind him. His face and bare chest are covered in lipstick marks.
Mrs. Read: OHHH....My baby!
They try to go near Arthur.
Doctor: Be careful!
Mrs. Read: (gasps)
Doctor: He's highly contagious!
The fantasy ends. Arthur is frozen.
Buster: Arthur! Hey!
***
Francine meets Arthur at his locker.
Francine: Hey, Arthur!
Arthur: Aagh!
Francine: How's it going?
Arthur: Fine. Great. Super.
She follows him.
Francine: Is something wrong? You've been acting kind of strange lately.
Arthur: Strange? No. Why would you think that?
Francine: Well, for one thing, you're about to go into the girls' bathroom.
Arthur: Ah- Hehe! Just...just kidding! Just a joke.
He goes into the boys’ bathroom.
Francine: Weird.
***
Arthur comes from the lunch line into the school cafeteria. Francine waves at him.
Francine: Arthur! Over here!
Arthur sits down with the Tough Customers.
Arthur: Hi! My name's Arthur.
Francine comes over.
Francine: Hey! I was saving you a seat!
Arthur: Oh, er, thanks, Francine, but I thought I would, er... The Tough Customers ignore him. ...meet some new kids today.
Francine: Hmph! Fine! See if I care!
She leaves.
Arthur: Ha, she's a friend. Not a girlfriend or anything like that. Just a friend who's also a girl and we're definitely not in love, ha-ha.
The Tough Customers look bored.
***
At recess, Arthur sits on the school steps. Francine comes out.
Francine: Arthur!
Arthur: (jumps) Whoa!
Francine: I want to talk to you.
Arthur: Er... er... He tags her. Tag! You're it!
He runs away.
Francine walks to Prunella, who is reading on the swings.
Francine: Prunella. Arthur's acting really weird around me.
Prunella: Like how?
Francine: Well, I just tried to talk to him, and he ran away.
Prunella: Hmm. Tell me something. Do his cheeks go red when you're near him?
Francine: Yeah!
Prunella: And does he talk l-l-l-like th-th-th- this?
Francine: Yeah! Just like that.
Prunella: Francine, I hate to say this, but I think Arthur's in love with you.
Francine: What?! That's ridiculous! Nah!
***
After school Prunella is unlocking her bike.
Prunella: I'm sorry, Francine, but those are all signs of major love disease.
Francine: That's the grossest thing I've ever heard! What do I do?
Prunella: You have to let him know that you don't love him. But be very careful what you say. You could break his heart. (Yells out in shock)
Arthur walks by. Francine looks away.
Arthur: (hums)
Francine: You're right. I'll have to be gentle with him.
***
Francine stands behind Arthur in the lunch line.
Mrs. McGrady: Arthur! Francine! I bet you two pokes are excited for a little hootenanny this afternoon!
Arthur: Huh? But we only have square-dancing when it rains!
Francine: Yeah, and it's really sunny out!
Mrs. McGrady: Oh, it's going to rain, all right. My elbow's acting up, and it only does that when a storm's a coming.
Thunder is heard.
Arthur: Huh?
Mrs. McGrady: Yup. Catgut doesn't lie!
Arthur+Francine: Augh!
Francine: Arthur, I think...
Arthur: ...we shouldn't dance...
Francine: ...with each other.
Arthur: Right?
Francine: Right.
He pays. She eyes him suspiciously.
***
Mrs. McGrady is the caller again.
Mrs. McGrady: Okay, cowboys and cowgirls, let's see how much you remember from last week's hoedown. The music starts. Bow to your corner... and bow to your partner.
Arthur dances with Muffy, Francine with Binky. They bang their heads together.
Francine: Ow! Binky!
Binky: Sorry!
Mrs. McGrady: Now, everybody, promenade.
Muffy: Arthur, we're falling behind! Pay attention!
Mrs. McGrady: Now, thread the needle!
Arthur ends up facing Francine.
Arthur: Francine, quit trying to dance with me!
Francine: Me trying to dance with you? You're trying to dance with me!
Arthur: Francine, do I have to spell it out for you?
Francine: Don't make me say it, Arthur.
Arthur+Francine: I'm not in love with you! They stare at each other while the others pass through the needle.
Francine: You mean, you don't have a crush on me?
Arthur: No way! And you, you don't want to kiss me?
Francine: Are you kidding? I'd rather have head lice!
They miss the end of the figure and are still holding hands when everybody else has stopped.
Kids: (laugh)
Arthur+Francine: break apart Eugh!
Mrs. McGrady: Okay, everybody, grab your partners!
They continue dancing.
Francine: Phew! I'm glad that's over!
Arthur: Francine, let's never let a silly thing like love come between us again.
Francine: You said it, partner!
Mrs. McGrady: Side couples right and left and through. Side ladies' chain across. All join up hands and circle left.
Outside the rain stops.