Introduction[]
The third graders play basketball against the Tough Customers. The score is 128 to 128.
Brain: We need this basket to win.
Arthur: If Francine passes me the ball, I'll take care of it.
Francine dribbles the ball.
Brain: Pass it to Arthur!
Arthur: Over here!
Francine passes to Arthur, who evades two Tough Customers.
Wolf Boy: Huh?
Arthur jumps.
Francine: Go, Arthur!
Binky blocks Arthur.
Binky: Nyaa!
Arthur reclaims the ball.
Arthur: Sorry.
Arthur throws the ball over the guards.
Rabbit Boy: Huh?
Arthur scores.
All: Ahh...
Mr. Ratburn, the referee, blows the whistle.
Mr. Ratburn: Arthur's team is the winner.
Lakewood Players: Arthur. Arthur!
Arthur: Don't cheer me. It was easy.
The fantasy ends. Arthur is actually standing on the basketball court and waving at an invisible audience.
Francine: Arthur! Arthur!!
Arthur: Huh?
Francine passes to him, and he dribbles. The actual score is 20 to 22.
Brain: If we don't score this basket, we lose.
Arthur: I'll take care of it!
He shoots and misses. Mr. Ratburn blows his whistle.
Mr. Ratburn: Binky's team wins.
The kids walk out of the hall. Arthur stands there looking glum.
Arthur: Boy, sometimes winning is a lot harder than you imagine.
Title Card: Family Photo[]
A TV commercial shows three kids sitting together.
Dog Boy: What can we do for fun?
Another boy holds a “No Guessing” game box.
Kids: Yay! (laugh)
They play the game while a jingle plays.
Jingle: “It's new, it's fun, it's number one. What is it? No Guessing!”
Monkey Boy: I win!
Announcer: No Guessing, the world's greatest quiz game. It's the most fun you'll ever have!
Arthur and Pal watch the commercial in the living room.
Arthur: Wow! I want that game.
***
Arthur, Francine, Brain and Sue Ellen look at the game in the shop window of Eric's Toys.
Arthur: They say it's the most fun you'll ever have.
Francine: More fun than a rollercoaster? More fun than the last day of school? More...
Arthur: I want that game!
***
Arthur uses shaking and a pencil to get money out of his Bionic Bunny piggy bank. His tongue is sticking out.
D.W.: Does making those faces scare the money into coming out?
Arthur manages to pull out two-dollar bills.
***
Arthur buys the game in the store and hugs it. He runs out the door.
***
Arthur has set the game up in the treehouse and moves a piece on the finish square.
Arthur: I win!
Brain comes up.
Brain: Hey, you got it.
Arthur: Yeah, let's play.
***
A short while later, Arthur and Brain are playing in the treehouse. Brain reads a quiz card.
Brain: “A scientist combined one liter of H2O with nine ounces of soil. What compound did he make?”
Arthur: Um... Phosphorus?
Brain: Mud! H2O is water, soil is dirt. That makes mud.
Arthur: Aw!
Brain: You got it wrong so...
He moves his piece.
Brain: I win!
***
Arthur plays against Francine in the Frenskys' living room. She rolls the dice and moves her piece, and he picks a quiz card.
Arthur: “A baseball is covered with what material?”
Francine thinks.
Arthur: If you don't know, you'll never guess this.
Francine: Is it cowhide?
Arthur nods and Francine moves her piece to the finish.
Francine: I win!
Arthur: Arr...
***
Arthur plays against Sue Ellen in her room.
Sue Ellen: The site of King Solomon's mines? Would that be Zimbabwe?
Arthur is frozen.
Sue Ellen: Is it?
Arthur: Yes.
Sue Ellen moves her piece.
Sue Ellen: I win!
Arthur: You don't have to do that just because you saw it on TV, you know.
***
Arthur kicks the game box under his bed.
Arthur: Stupid game!
***
After school, Francine talks to Arthur at the bike stand.
Francine: Let's go to your house and play No Guessing.
Arthur: I'm really not in the mood. How about something else?
***
Arthur and Francine are at the bowling alley. Arthur misses.
Arthur: Please don't say “I win”.
Francine: Okay. You lose!
***
The Reads sit at the dinner table. Arthur looks sad. His glasses are pulled up over his forehead.
Arthur: After I lost at bowling, I lost at video games and checkers. I lose at everything. I even lost my glasses.
D.W.: I'll help you find them for five dollars.
Mrs. Read: D.W.! They're on your head, Arthur.
Arthur pulls his glasses over his eyes.
Arthur: (sighs) I guess I'm just a loser.
Mr. Read: Sometimes luck goes in cycles. Don't worry, you'll start winning again soon.
Arthur sits in his room looking glum. D.W. comes in with a deck of cards.
D.W.: How about a game of cards before your luck changes? I mean, to help your luck change.
***
Arthur and D.W. play cards.
D.W.: Do you have any threes?
Arthur puts down a three.
D.W.: This is the first time I was ever this close to beating you at cards. Do you have any sevens?
Arthur's last card is a seven.
Arthur: (thinks:) I can't lose to D.W. She'll tell everyone! (Loud:) No sevens. Go fish. Look, a swarm of lightning bugs!
D.W.: Where?
While she looks at the window, he quickly looks at her cards. They go on playing.
Arthur: Do you have any nines?
D.W. hands him a nine. He now has three.
Arthur: I win!
D.W.: How could I lose? I was so close to winning.
She leaves the room looking sad.
Arthur: Now I know, Pal, if my luck won't change itself, I'll make it change.
He pulls out the game box.
Arthur: All I have to do is find the easy questions.
***
Arthur plays against Brain in the treehouse.
Arthur: If I don't get this next question right, you win. Hey, Brain, is that a break in the time/space continuum?
Brain: What?? Where??
While Brain looks out of the treehouse, Arthur pulls a few cards out of his pants pocket and puts it them the quiz cards tray.
Brain: Very funny. You can't delay losing any longer. Here's your question.
He looks at the card and hesitates.
Brain: “What is the largest city in France?”
Arthur: Paris!
A while later.
Arthur: Each basket in basketball is worth two points.
Brain: That's right.
Arthur reaches the finish.
Arthur: I win!
Brain: Wow, you got nine questions in a row right. Congratulations.
***
Arthur plays against Francine in the Frenskys' living room. He drains a glass of lemonade.
Arthur: Could I get some more lemonade?
Francine: Sure.
She leaves with the glass, and he exchanges quiz cards.
Arthur answers quiz questions.
Arthur: That's called 'Icing the puck'.
Arthur: The equator.
Arthur: A lobster.
Arthur: The Boston Red Sox.
Arthur reaches the finish.
Arthur: I win! Wanna play three out of five?
***
Arthur plays against Sue Ellen in her room.
Arthur: 1945.
Sue Ellen: Wait until I ask a question! Hey, that's the right answer.
Arthur blushes and fiddles with his glasses.
Arthur: Er... What a coincidence.
***
Brain, Francine and Sue Ellen sit in the Sugar Bowl.
Francine: Arthur sure got good at that game. He never loses.
Sue Ellen: If it were anyone but Arthur, I would think he was cheating.
Brain: But Arthur would never cheat.
***
Arthur sits on his bed with the game.
Arthur: (yawns)
He surreptitiously makes a quiz card come out of his sleeve. He packs up the game when his mother calls.
Mrs. Read: Arthur, did you finish your homework?
Arthur: Almost done!
***
The Read family sits at the dinner table.
Arthur: You know what's the most exciting thing about winning? It's when you win. I love that feeling!
His parents look surprised.
Kate: (coos)
***
Arthur plays against Brain and Francine in the treehouse. Jazzy music plays so the dialogue cannot be heard. Arthur wins.
They play again and Arthur wins again.
Arthur: I win! Let's make it seven out of ten.
Brain and Francine exchange looks.
Francine: You'll just win again. Let's do something else.
***
Arthur plays cards against Brain, Francine and Sue Ellen in the treehouse. There are mirrors on the walls so Arthur can see everybody's cards.
Sue Ellen: When did you put up all these mirrors?
Arthur: Mirrors make a room seem bigger, Sue Ellen.
He looks at their cards.
***
A while later, the kids climb down. All but Arthur looks annoyed.
Arthur: I can't help it if I win all the time. I'm just a winner.
***
Arthur and Brain play minigolf. It is Brain's turn.
Arthur: Achoo!
Brain hits an obstacle.
Arthur: Oh, did you miss? That means I win!
Brain: You did that on purpose!
Arthur: Oh, come on. It's part of the game. If you can't take a little competition, don't play.
***
Brain, Francine and Sue Ellen sit in the Sugar Bowl again.
Francine: I thought Arthur was a bad sore loser but he's a worse sore winner! I wish he'd go back to losing.
Brain: How? He's on an unstoppable winning streak. He's beaten almost everyone at school at everything.
At that moment, Binky enters the Sugar Bowl like a gunfighter entering a saloon.
Sue Ellen: Everyone but Binky.
Francine: No one wants to play against Binky, because he cheats.
The three kids smile maliciously.
Brain: Hey, if Arthur loses at his favorite game, maybe he'll go back to normal. Hey, Binky!
***
Binky runs up to Arthur in front of the school.
Binky: Hey, I hear you're afraid to play that game against me.
Arthur: Who told you that?
Binky: It was...
He looks at Brain, Francine and Sue Ellen who shake their heads and make the cut-throat gesture, then smile and wave.
Binky: ...something I thought of all by myself. So, you afraid or what?
***
Arthur plays against Binky in the cafeteria. Other kids gather around them.
Arthur: Don't you have anything better to do than watch us play?
Kids: No!
Arthur: (thinks:) With everyone watching, I'd better not cheat.
Arthur and Binky play for a while.
Brain: Binky's losing.
Francine walks over to Binky.
Francine: He's creaming you. Why don't you cheat?
Binky: I don't know how to cheat at this game. You've got to know stuff.
Francine: Oh!
Brain: What did he say?
Francine: You don't want to know.
Binky: “What is the third planet from the sun”?
Arthur: Um... Mars?
Binky: Eh! Wrong!
Kids: (Yay, Binky!)
Brain: Alright!
Arthur: Why are my friends rooting against me?
Fern comes up to him.
Fern: Everyone wants to see you lose because you've been acting like a jerk. Sorry.
Arthur looks shocked.
A thought bubble appears beside Arthur's head. Buster walks into it with a suitcase and sits down on it.
Buster (in bubble): You need to talk to me?
Arthur: (thinks:) Buster, everyone hates me. I've been winning games but losing friends. I wish you were here.
Buster (in bubble): You should never have cheated. Cheating at stuff is no good.
Arthur: (thinks:) But what do I do now? Everyone wants to see me lose. How can I lose against Binky? It's impossible.
Buster (in bubble): Cheating got you into this. Why not cheat?
Arthur: (thinks:) Cheat to lose? You mean, like make sure he gets the easy questions instead of me?
Buster (in bubble): Yeah. You got any food?
Arthur: (thinks:) No.
Buster (in bubble): Then I've got to go. I've got an appointment with a chocolate soda.
The bubble disappears.
Arthur: (thinks:) That's exactly what Buster would have said if he were here.
Arthur: Whose turn, is it?
Binky: I'm waiting for you to ask me a question.
Arthur: Oh, my shoe's untied.
Under the table, he takes a quiz card from his sleeve and pretends that he took it from the card box.
Arthur: “A four-legged, barking canine?”
Binky: You mean like dog?
Arthur: Correct.
Kids: Yes!
Binky answers further questions.
Binky: A basketball is full of air.
Binky: Dirt.
Binky: The bread around a hot dog is the bun.
Binky: C-A-T.
Arthur: Yes, you win.
Binky: Yes!
Kids: (cheer)
Binky: I win. I've beat the champion, now I am the champion. Yes!
Arthur: You beat me.
They shake hands and several cards fall out of Arthur's sleeve.
Kids: (gasp)
Arthur: Er...
Everyone looks angry. Arthur gives a shy glare to the other kids
Francine: (pointing her finger) Arthur! You cheated?!
Brain: And you lost anyway.
Sue Ellen: I hope this teaches you that cheating's not worth it.
Arthur: (sadly) Believe me, it sure does. Let's go to the Sugar Bowl and celebrate my losing.
Francine: No, let's celebrate everything being normal again.
They all leave.
***
Later, Arthur writes a letter in his room.
Arthur: (writes) And Buster, I'll never cheat again. I want to thank you for all your good advice.”
Buster reads the letter while sitting in a plane's cockpit behind his dad.
Arthur's voice: “I know I couldn't have worked it out without all your help.”
Buster: Huh??