Introduction[]
Arthur walks on a stage wearing a suit.
Arthur: You listen to this. This is the funniest joke I ever heard. A monkey and a banana are walking down the street in a car... No, wait, I messed it up. An apple and a banana are driving a monkey... driving a car with the monkey... No. The monkey's driving... I messed it up again. Okay. A monkey's driving a banana... a monkey is driving a bus full of apples and bananas... oranges, they're oranges. (mumbles:) A monkey is driving a bus... (incomprehensible mumbling) (laughs) Okay, okay, okay. I've got it. (chuckles) It's funny. I almost wrecked it by saying "apple"--it has to be "orange", because the punchline is, "Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana'?". He freezes. Oh, man! I said the punchline.
He walks off the stage.
Title Card: Arthur Swims[]
Arthur tries to sharpen his pencil. It comes out covered in red goo.
Arthur: Mom, D.W. used my good pencil sharpener to sharpen crayons again.
D.W.: Did not!
Arthur: Then how come it's full of crayon?
D.W.: Pal did it!
Arthur: He couldn't, he doesn't have thumbs.
D.W. thinks for a moment.
D.W.: Gotta go!
She runs out. Arthur sits down at his desk and picks up a pen instead of the pencil and begins writing a letter.
Arthur: "Dear Buster, how is it travelling to foreign countries with your dad? I wish I could get D.W. to go to a foreign country."
D.W.: I heard that!
Arthur: "Everyone here is trying to raise money for the Elwood City Library.”
Flashback: Mrs. MacGrady has a bake sale outside the library. Arthur, Brain, Francine and Muffy stand around the table licking their lips.
Arthur (narrator): Mrs. McGrady is having a bake sale and all the money goes towards buying new books. For someone who says he doesn't like to read, Binky sure paid for a lot of books.
Binky carries off a large plate of goodies.
Flashback: Mr. Crosswire hands out tickets to Mr. Read and Mr. Barnes.
Arthur (narrator): Mr. Crosswire is raffling off a new car.
Flashback: Muffy directs workers behind the Crosswire Mansion while the Arthur, Brain and Francine watch.
Arthur (narrator): And Muffy decided to have a backyard carnival.
Muffy: We'll put activity booths there. And the Ferris wheel back there. We'll need a big main show. What's the best thing we can do that will raise a lot of money?
Brain: Why don't we set up a particle accelerator, like the one created by Simon van der Meer.
In his imagination, Muffy takes tickets from Mr. Read and D.W. They get into a small car and Brain uses a machine to shrink them. Brain then picks them up with tweezers and puts them on a small platform, where he shoots a shining ray at them.
Brain: Then shrink people down to sub-atomic size, so they can examine a nucleic structure up close. What a thrill ride that would be!
The car with Mr. Read and D.W. flies past molecules.
Mr. Read+D.W.: (screams)
The fantasy ends. Francine pulls the fantasy away like a poster off a wall.
Francine: What are you talking about? Is that even possible?
Brain: She didn't say it had to be possible. She said, "the best thing".
Francine: Hmph!
Arthur: Sounded cool to me.
Muffy: I've got it! We build a gigantic shopping plaza full of clothes.
Arthur+Brain+Francine: Urgh!
Francine: Shopping is boring.
Muffy: Well, I'm not paying for a pasteurizing agitator.
Brain: Particle accelerator.
Arthur: I wish Buster were here. He'd say let's tell jokes or be clowns.
Francine: That's it!
Brain: What a great idea.
Muffy: This is a carnival. We can all be clowns. Thanks, Arthur!
Arthur looks delighted.
***
Sue Ellen juggles on the school’s basketball field while Binky watches. Francine does cartwheels. Brain balances a soccer ball on a baseball bat.
Arthur (narrator): So, we agreed to all be clowns and tried out funny things we could do. I told them a joke that you told me. The one about the shoe store.
Arthur tells the others a joke on the school playground.
Arthur: And he says, "Hide, hide, a cow's outside." And the other guy says, "I don't care. I'm not afraid of any cow."(laughs)
The others look puzzled.
Arthur: Don't you get it?
Francine: Oh yeah. We get it.
Brain: Yes. The shoes were made of leather or cow hide.
They leave. Muffy stops Francine.
Muffy: He's not funny. If Arthur's a clown, he'll ruin my whole carnival.
Francine: I'll talk to him.
***
Francine talks to Arthur in the classroom.
Francine: Maybe there are other jobs besides a clown you can do at the carnival, Arthur.
Arthur: But I can be funny. I know it. I used to make Buster laugh all the time.
Flashback: Arthur and Buster laugh in the treehouse.
Arthur+Buster: (laugh)
Flashback: The silhouettes of Arthur and Buster can be seen inside a tent.
Buster: (laughs)
Flashback: Arthur and Buster sit in the Sugar Bowl.
Francine (narrator): Maybe he was just being polite.
Arthur (narrator): One time he was laughing so hard, he squirted a strawberry thick shake through his nose.
The shake hits Arthur’s glasses.
Buster: (laughs)
The flashbacks end.
Arthur: And you don't squirt a whole strawberry thick shake out your nose just to be polite.
He pouts. Muffy gives Francine a stern look and she shrugs.
***
Arthur walks to his mother who is working on the computer.
Arthur: Mom! Mom, can I ask you a question? Am I funny?
Mrs. Read: Well, there's nothing funny about how you haven't practiced the piano all week.
Arthur walks away.
***
Arthur practices playing the piano. D.W. and Kate lie on the floor with a checkers board.
Arthur (narrator): One thing I know, Buster, if Mom wants you to practice, you practice first and ask questions later.
D.W.: Now, it's your turn, Kate.
She moves Kate’s piece and then hers.
D.W.: I win. Let's play again.
Arthur hits a wrong note. He tries again.
Kate: (giggles)
Arthur hits some keys while making funny faces at Kate.
Kate: (laughs)
D.W.: Kate thinks you're funny, Arthur. And I do too. Your face is always hilarious.
Arthur: Har-har-har.
He walks away.
D.W.: You're just jealous because I'm funnier than you! to Kate: Oh, it's hard having a sister who's perfect. You'll get used to it.
Kate stares.
***
Arthur talks to his dad who is baking in his workshop.
Arthur: Everyone at school is laughing at me because I'm not funny. I mean, they're not laughing at me, cause I’m not funny.
Mr. Read: You just need a surefire joke. Like this: A guy who doesn't hear well goes to buy a pair of shoes...
Arthur: That's the same joke I told.
Mr. Read: Really? It's a very funny joke.
Arthur: Unless I tell it. Great. I'm a joke killer.
***
Muffy, Francine, Brain, Binky and Sue Ellen sit in the Sugar Bowl.
Arthur: Everyone who’s here can be clowns, but not Arthur.
Francine: But the whole clown thing was Arthur's idea. We'll hurt his feelings.
Muffy: Well, then you’d better make him a good clown. Because I will not let him wreck my carnival.
The others nod.
***
Later, Sue Ellen rings the Reads’ doorbell.
Arthur (narrator): So, that's when it started, Buster.
Arthur: I got it!
He opens the door and Sue Ellen holds up juggling balls.
Arthur (narrator): Sue Ellen came by to teach me to juggle.
Arthur juggles in the yard. He drops the balls on himself.
Arthur: Oh, oh oh...
He tries again and drops the balls again. Sue Ellen collects the balls and leaves.
Arthur (narrator): After a while, she gave up.
***
Brain visits Arthur with “The Scientific Joke Book”.
Arthur (narrator): Then the Brain tried to teach me new jokes.
Arthur sits in the living room while Brain sits on the carpet laughing.
Brain: (laughs)
Arthur (narrator): But I didn't really understand them.
Brain: Don't you get it? Helium is a noble gas.
Arthur: Oh. What?
***
Binky makes funny faces in Arthur’s room.
Binky: (makes funny noises)
Arthur tries to copy him.
Arthur: Blll!
Arthur (narrator): I couldn't learn to make faces like Binky.
Binky: (sighs)
He walks away.
***
In the Read yard, Fern, Brain, Francine Binky and Muffy watch as Pickles tries to teach Arthur a funny walk.
Arthur (narrator): Muffy even hired Pickles the Clown to teach me professional clowning.
Pickles: Achoo!
Kids: (laugh)
Arthur: Achoo.
Pickles: No. I'm not clowning. That was a real sneeze. (gasps)
He points at Pal.
***
Pickles sits in his clown car while the kids stand around him.
Arthur (narrator): Pickles had to leave early because he's allergic to dogs, but he gave me some advice.
Pickles: Achoo! Kid, forget about ever having huge feet and a big round nose. A-achoo!
He drives off.
Muffy: Well, you heard him. And he's the biggest clown in town.
Francine: I heard about another kid once who had no sense of humor, and he grew up to be Mr. Ratburn.
In their imagination Arthur turns into Mr. Ratburn.
Arthur Ratburn: Eight times seven divided by four. Quickly, quickly!
Francine: He's the future Ratburn.
Fern+Francine+Muffy: (laugh) Run! Run for your life! Get away from us! Aah!
The girls run away.
Brain: Girls are scientifically inexplicable.
Binky: You said it! That means “weird”, right?
Brain: Yeah.
Binky: You said it!
***
Binky, Muffy, Francine, Sue Ellen, Fern and Brain sit outside the school. Arthur comes, followed by Jenna and, later, George.
Muffy: Look out, it's...
Arthur: Hold it, you're right. I'm not funny. I don't have to be a clown. Not everybody has to be funny.
The girls start humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic.
Arthur: If everyone was as funny as the people on TV, there'd be no reason to watch TV. And if nobody watched TV, all the people who make the shows would have no jobs, and all the companies that advertise would go out of business. So, by not being funny I'm saving the jobs of thousands and thousands of people and their families!
He leaves.
Fern: Wow. I hope someday I can be as important as Arthur.
***
On the day of the carnival, there are booths and a Ferris wheel behind the Crosswire mansion. There is also a stage. The kids’ families sit in front of it.
Arthur (narrator): So, the day of the carnival came. I was the piano player.
Arthur walks on stage wearing an ordinary suit. The other kids wear clown costumes.
Francine: Poor guy. I hope you're happy.
Muffy: You know, Francine, when I really think about it, I am.
The curtain opens and Artur starts playing. Binky gets on stage and starts making faces.
Binky: (makes funny noises)
Francine does cartwheels, Brain balances a ball on a stick and Muffy drives a clown truck.
D.W.: Arthur looks so funny. He's in a suit.
Arthur plays a wrong note.
Kate: (laughs)
Arthur plays notes while making funny faces.
Muffy: Listen to all those mistakes he's making! Ah.
She covers her ears.
Audience: (laugh)
Muffy: Listen to those laughs!
Francine: Wow, we must be really good.
Muffy: Let's take a bow.
The clowns bow while Arthur goes on playing.
Brain: Um, they're laughing at him.
Muffy walks over to Arthur.
Muffy: Arthur, cut that out right now!
Arthur: Oh, sorry. I was playing with Kate.
Mr. Read: Bravo! Encore! Bravo! Bravo!
Francine: What are you doing? They like it. Arthur, keep going.
Mr. Read: (chuckles)
Arthur plays while the others do clown tricks.
***
After the performance, the clowns and the Reads stand next to the stage.
Arthur: I can't believe everybody liked what I did.
D.W.: Neither can I. You do it every day. Big deal.
Pickles walks up to Arthur.
Pickles: Congratulations, kid. Shake.
They shake hands and trigger a buzzer.
Pickles: Woo! (laughs) What works for me didn't work for you, so you found your own individual way to do it.
Arthur: Yeah. How did I do that?
Pickles: Just because there's one way to do something doesn't mean that it's the only way. Everybody's got a different style. Don't be afraid to find yours.
He puts his clown nose on Arthur.
Arthur: I'll remember that Mr. Pickles.
***
Buster is reading Arthur’s letter in a street café while his dad reads a newspaper.
Arthur (narrator): “So Francine was wrong. I was funny. I just hadn't found my style yet.”
Buster takes out a photo of the kids as clowns.
Arthur (narrator): "Now, if only I could find a style that would get me an A in math. Write back soon. Your friend, Arthur."
Buster: (chuckles)