Introduction[]
Arthur plays with one hand on the piano.
Arthur: I think I could do almost any job when I grow up.
An adult Arthur writes math problems on the blackboard.
Arthur (narrator): I could be a teacher like Mr. Ratburn. Well, not exactly like Mr. Ratburn.
Arthur: No homework again tonight, class.
Class: (cheer)
An adult Arthur stands at the family computer and holds the phone.
Arthur (narrator): I could be an accountant like Mom.
Arthur: Mr. Crosswire? I got you a big tax refund.
Mr. Crosswire: Arthur, you're a genius.
Two workmen dump a literal truckload of money behind the Crosswire mansion.
Arthur flies a helicopter.
Arthur (narrator): Or a caterer, like Dad.
Arthur: Incoming!
The helicopter flies over a sports stadium, in the middle of which is a huge pizza. The sides of the helicopter open and two large salamis come out, held by robot arms. The arms turn, the salamis are chopped up by the rotor blades and fall on the pizza
Stadium Announcer: He's done it! Arthur Read has successfully completed history's biggest pepperoni pizza!
Arthur flies the helicopter sideways and slices the pizza with the rotor. He waves at the audience.
The fantasies end.
Arthur: Yeah, I can imagine being just about anything... except a piano player.
He puts his elbows on the keys.
Title Card: Arthur Swims[]
The third-graders play in the music room while Miss Krasny conducts.
Miss Krasny: Very good, everyone!
They stop, except for Buster who plays “Shave and a haircut”.
Miss Krasny: Ahem! Is everybody ready for their first solo performance? Tomorrow you perform your pieces for the students.
Francine crosses her fingers, Buster looks worried, Arthur smiles.
Miss Krasny: And next Friday, the big recital for all the parents. Practice, practice, practice.
The bell rings. The kids start leaving.
Miss Krasny: But have fun. Don't forget, music is art. It's like ear painting.
Binky: If I get paint in my ears, my mom gets mad. I speak from experience.
Miss Krasny: I didn't mean... er... It's like ear painting with no paint. Just think of it as music.
Binky: Alright. Good one. (chuckles)
***
Outside, Buster gets on his bike with his tuba case on the rack.
Arthur: Want to go skating?
Buster: Are you kidding?? I need to practice. Plus, I have to make sure my spit valve is clean. Remember last time?
Flashback: At the last concert, Buster empties his spit valve on Mr. Haney.
Buster: (chuckles nervously) Sorry, sir.
The flashback ends.
Buster: Shouldn't you practice too? It's your first ever solo.
Arthur: I know my part inside down and upside out.
Buster: I wish I did. Then I wouldn't have to lug this home.
He cycles off with his tuba.
Arthur: Francine! Wanna skate?
Francine: No, I have to tape up my drumsticks so they can't break this time.
Flashback: While Mr. Haney is still wiping his face, one of Francine’s drumsticks breaks and the end hits Mr. Haney on the head.
Francine: Sorry, sir.
The flashback ends.
Francine: I want to get it right. Everyone will be watching.
Arthur: Binky!
Binky: Don't ask. I have to do my tongue exercises. Last time I got tongue-tied during the concert.
Flashback: During the concert, Binky discovers that his tongue is literally in a knot.
The flashback ends.
Arthur: Wasn't there something else?
Binky: Oh yeah.
Flashback: With his tied-up tongue, Binky falls off the stage on Mr. Haney.
Mr. Haney: Whoa.
Binky: Sorry, sir.
The flashback ends.
Binky: You'd better practice, Arthur.
Arthur: But I know it!
***
At home, Arthur pretends to practice with a Bionic Bunny comic in front of the music. D.W. comes in with a jump-rope.
D.W.: >Hic!< >Hic!<
Arthur: Could you do that somewhere else, please? I'm trying to read.
D.W.: >Hic!< >Hic!< Hic! I can't... >Hic!< ...stop! What if I never stop? My head might...>Hic!< ...get loose and pop off!
Arthur: How long have you had them?
D.W.: I don't know. I can't tell time! >Hic!<
Arthur: Getting scared can cure the hiccups.
D.W.: But nothing scares me! >Hic!<
Arthur: Did I tell you Mom “accidentally” threw away your Crazy Bus CD?
D.W.: (gasps) But that's my favorite! How could she?! Hey. It stopped!
Arthur: You're welcome!
She jump-ropes away.
***
That evening, Arthur lies in bed and the parents turn off the light in his room.
Mr. Read: Have a good sleep, so you're rested and ready for your recital tomorrow.
Arthur: No sweat. I know it all.
In his dream, he performs “Für Elise” for a large crowd. He starts hitting wrong notes.
Arthur: (gasps)
Audience: (jeering and booing)
Arthur runs off the stage past Binky and Buster as the audience throws things at him.
Binky: Hey, you stink!
A newspaper shows a picture of Arthur entitled “Bad Bad Musician”.
Announcer: Extra! Extra! Local boy plays wrong note!
Arthur walks through the city in the cold wind wearing a tattered overcoat. He sees D.W. stepping out of a limousine in front of a movie theater. A crowd of journalists start taking photos of her.
Arthur: D.W.?
D.W.: Arthur? No one's seen you since they kicked you out of school for...>Hic!< ...wrecking the recital last year.
Arthur: I've been looking for a job, but I can't get one because everyone knows I played the wrong note.
D.W.: >Hic!<
Arthur: Are those the same hiccups? D.W. nods. I can help you get rid of them.
D.W.: Get rid of them?! No way! These hiccups made me... >Hic!< ...a star! This is the premiere of my newest... >Hic!< ...movie!
Arthur reads “The Hiccup Kid: Part 3”.
Arthur: The Hiccup Kid?
D.W.: I'm a... >Hic!< ...millionaire! I have to go inside now. >Hic!< Call me sometime.
She goes inside.
Arthur: But I don't have a phone!
A man gives Arthur some money.
Arthur: Gee, thanks, Mister!
Man: I know you! You're that kid who played D flat instead of D sharp.
He takes the money back and leaves.
Arthur: Aww...
It starts snowing.
The dream ends. Arthur puts on his glasses.
Arthur: (gasps) It was just a dream. That could never happen! As long as I don't make a mistake today.
***
At the performance for the students, Arthur listens while Buster plays his tuba solo. Buster walks off the stage while the audience applauds.
Buster: (catches breath) That song has too many notes!
Miss Krasny: Our next performer - Arthur Read!
Arthur walks to the piano on stage while the audience applauds. He takes a look at the kids looking expectantly at him. He is about to play when he hears voices in his head.
Man's Voice: You're that kid who played D flat!
Binky's voice: Hey, you stink!
Arthur lowers his hands.
Miss Krasny: Is anything wrong?
Arthur: I feel sick. I don't think I should play.
Miss Krasny: No problem, dear. Sue Ellen, you're on.
Arthur runs off the stage and Sue Ellen comes on with her saxophone.
***
Arthur sits on the school steps while the performance continues. Binky stands nearby doing tongue exercises.
Binky: One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four...
Francine comes out and sits down beside Arthur.
Francine: I bet now you wished you'd practiced.
Arthur: But I didn't need to!
Francine: But maybe you should before next week's recital... for the parents.
Arthur: That's right. I have to do it again.
Miss Krasny looks out.
Miss Krasny: Binky, you're next.
Binky: Me and my tongue are ready.
He goes inside. Arthur leaves.
***
A while later, D.W. hangs upside down from the swing set in front of the Read house. The Tibbles watch her.
D.W.: >Hic!< >Hic!< This isn't... >Hic!< ...working! >Hic!<
Tommy: If they don't stop, your head's gonna pop off for sure!
Timmy: Don't worry. I'll catch it.
He is holding a baseball mitt. Arthur walks up to the house.
D.W.: Arthur, they... >Hic!< came back again!
Arthur: Hold your breath and count backwards from a hundred!
D.W.: (deep breath) 100.... 99... What comes before 99?
Tommy: Hmm...
Timmy: One...two...five...nine...
D.W. falls off the swing set.
D.W.: Oof! >Hic!<
***
Inside, Arthur plays "Für Elise" flawlessly while Buster watches.
Buster: You're right. You don't need practice.
Arthur: That's what I’ve been trying to tell everybody!
Buster: Why didn't you play it like that at school?
Arthur: Because, what if I made a mistake in front of all those people?
Buster: You don't need practice, you need confidence. You need to walk up to that piano and say: I'm gonna play you and you're gonna sound great! Show it who's boss. One wrong note and you're toothpicks!
Buster picks a book with a picture of Beethoven on it off the piano.
Buster: And... you've got to look like a musician, like this.
Arthur imitates Beethoven’s stern expression.
Arthur: Ow! That hurts my face.
Buster: Maybe you need a casual attitude. Start with a joke.
Arthur: I don't know any jokes that you play on the piano.
Buster: What about this?
He plays a few notes.
D.W.: >Hic! Hic!<
Arthur: That was great! Hey, what key did you hit?
Buster: I didn't.
D.W. runs through the hallway behind them.
D.W.: >Hic!< >Hic!< >Hic!<
Buster: If only you could practice playing in front of an audience...
Arthur: That's it!
He stands up and accidentally pushes Buster off the piano seat.
***
A while later, Grandma Thora sits on the living room couch and gives D.W. a spoonful of peanut butter while Arthur plays the piano.
Grandma Thora: One spoonful of peanut butter chewed slowly always cures the hiccups.
D.W.: It worked! Grandma, you're smart. Now my head won't pop off.
They watch Arthur play, then clap.
Grandma Thora: Arthur, you played it beautifully!
Arthur: That's only because it was for you, Grandma. You want to hear me play.
Grandma Thora: Do you remember when I took you to the circus?
Flashback: Arthur and Thora sit down in a circus ring beside Buster.
Grandma Thora (narrator): Remember how excited you were before anything even happened?
Circus music starts playing and Arthur claps.
Arthur: Yeah!
An elephant walks past their seats.
Grandma Thora (narrator): Everyone was. They all came to enjoy the show.
The flashback ends.
Grandma Thora: And the people who come to hear you are just as excited and ready to have fun. They're not against you.
Arthur: Really?
Grandma Thora: Yes. And if you get nervous, just remember I'm out there and I love hearing you play.
She hugs him.
***
At the big recital, Arthur, Francine and Sue Ellen stand in the wings while Buster plays his solo.
Francine: I hope you practiced this time.
Miss Krasny: You feeling better today?
Arthur: So far.
Buster comes off the stage.
Buster: (catches breath) That’s it! Next time, I play... Jingle Bells!
As Arthur walks to the piano, Buster calls after him.
Buster: Show that piano who's boss. One bad note, and you're toothpicks!
Arthur hesitates.
Buster: Do it. Do it.
Francine: Uh-oh. He's not moving. Sue Ellen, better get ready to go on.
Miss Krasny: Francine, give him a chance.
Arthur: (gulps)
He looks at the audience and focuses on Grandma Thora. In his imagination, all the people’s heads turn into Thora’s. Then he starts playing flawlessly.
Arthur reaches the end of the piece.
Arthur: (thinks:) I'm doing it. I'm almost done. I'm gonna make it! I'm really gonna...
He hits a wrong note, then finishes. The audience claps.
Arthur: I wrecked it! I wrecked it! I'm a human recital wrecker!
Audience: Encore! Encore!
Miss Krasny: Bow! Take a bow!
Arthur takes a bow.
Arthur joins Buster and Francine in the wings.
Buster: That was great!
Arthur: But I wrecked the end.
Buster and Francine exchange looks.
Francine: What are you talking about?
Arthur: You're just being nice. Didn't you guys hear that big mistake?
Buster: I didn't hear any mistakes.
Binky: Hey, Arthur. That D-flat you played at the end...
Arthur: I knew it was obvious. I wrecked...
Binky: Very much how Thelonious Monk would have done it. You have some mean jazz chops, my man.
Arthur looks confused.
***
Arthur and his family ride home in the car.
Arthur: And nobody even noticed my big mistake.
Grandma Thora: It was only big to you. The audience doesn't hear mistakes. They just hear music.
D.W.: I wanted to see Arthur mess up.
Arthur: I guess Grandma will have to wait to see you mess up your pre-school play! (laughs) >Hic!< Oh no. >Hic!<
D.W.: Everybody keep back! I know what to do. Arthur, stand on your head and count backwards from a gazillion to one. Then look in the mirror and scare yourself. Then eat pepperoni with garlic and hold your breath...
The car drives on.