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"Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard"
Season/Series: 2
Number in season: 18A
Original Airdate: United States April 15, 1998[1]
Canada September 16, 1998[2]
Germany February 18, 2002[3]
Written by: Ken Scarborough
Storyboard by: G. Capelle &
M. Gagnon
"Arthur the Loser"
"D.W.'s Very Bad Mood"
Read transcript

"Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard" is the first half of the eighteenth episode in the second season of Arthur.


Arthur and Brain are afraid of the new crossing guard who charges them $10 per trip and will send goons after them if they do not pay. They try to figure out ways to circumvent crossing the intersection before they realize the crossing guard's true intent.


Arthur enjoys tricking D.W. Read. She is afraid of sweaters because Arthur told her they "were a kind of animal", and she thinks they come to life. She is also afraid of filling up the tub because Arthur told when she has to drain it, she would get sucked down the drain with the water. And she is afraid of monsters in her room and has Arthur check under the bed for her. As he does this one night, he tells her that he didn't notice any monsters, and tells her not to think about them. He steps on a toy horn, scaring himself.

Arthur vs. the Very Mean Crossing Guard

Arthur brags to Brain about the time he got D.W. believing that a Bionic Bunny poster could talk.

Brain thinks D.W. is very gullible but Arthur does not know what that word means. Brain tells him it means "easy to fool", and Arthur says that he forgot what it meant. They are on their way to play "Fool The Mule" at Brain's house. The directions to Brain's house requires crossing the street and dealing with a crossing guard.

They see a new crossing guard, who asks for ten dollars. He says that it is a new rule for crossing the street, and politely asks for small bills. Before they leave, he also warns them of goons.

Brain checks his talking piggy bank and determines he doesn't have enough money to afford to walk home from school. (The mean crossing guard is only there during the afternoons.) They imagine Muffy riding in her limo, who thinks nothing wrong with paying for a high quality service. She thinks that Brain should have paid and goes away. Brain is still in tattered clothes with the crossing guard keeping him trapped in the middle of the divided street.

Since Arthur and Brain do not know what goons are, they imagine being robbed by baboons which also warn them about the Goons (who are the scariest) being next.

As the mean crossing guard is only there during the afternoons, Brain begins scheming ways to make detours for getting home. He meets Arthur during recess. Brain makes his presentation. The drawings come to life.

Plan A: The Bridge.

(He avoids the angry crossing guard, but realizes the bridge cannot be carried home.)

Drawback: Storage.

Plan B: The Tunnel.

(Brain digs away until he hits a sewage pipe. He finds an exit, which is across the street, but next to the crossing guard.

Drawback: Directions.

Plan C: The Balloon.

(Brain floats away in a hot air balloon. However, he is caught in a "Kansas" storm, and crashes into a group of munchkins.)

Drawback: Getting blown off course, crash landing in a strange country populated by strange creatures, and having to declare myself wizard.

The presentation ends.

Arthur decides to not visit Brain anymore. This means that Brain is fending for himself. The crossing guard is as cynical as ever. When he refers to Brain and Arthur as being "partners in crime", Brain answers that they never committed any crimes. The crossing guard questions this defense by saying "Are you sure I never saw you in a 'Wanted' poster at the post office? ... One false move and it's into the slammer with you." This terrifies Brain to the point of sleepless nights with occasional nightmares.

One of the nightmares is about Brain losing the family house (but not the land) to the crossing guard. The crossing guard has the house hauled somewhere else. With no other buildings, motor homes, or any vehicles at all at the land, the Powers Family is now staying in a tent.

Brain tells Arthur about his night, but in class Brain bursts out "Oh what's the point?! I can't think anymore! If only my parents would move across the street!" But Mr. Ratburn assumes it is about the assignment, and wants them to stop complaining. Arthur invites Brain over to his house, and is sure Grandma Thora, who is babysitting, will let Brain stay the night. On their way to Arthur's house, they avoid the crossing guard again. He says that he has cameras everywhere, and will be able to see if the boys cross at other stop signs. Thinking that cameras could be anywhere (even in Arthur's teddy bear), the two begin to talk in code.

"The penny jar sure is mean." "That's right. It's almost as bad as the rug."

D.W. wants Arthur to check her room. Arthur simply tells her that there is nothing there.

Brain has Thora drive him home from school, but she takes the same route. She stops at the crosswalk with the crossing guard. Arthur and Brain duck down to avoid being seen by the guard. Thora says she knows the crossing guard, and that he is very nice. When Arthur tells her about his demanding money from him and Brain, Thora gets out of the car to talk to the crossing guard. The boys tell D.W. about everything the crossing guard said to them, and she laughs at their suspicions, saying they would believe anything. Thora and the crossing guard, whose name is Ted, walk up to the car window, and Ted apologizes to the boys, revealing he was just "kidding around" with them.

Arthur has learned his lesson about being mean, and that evening, he confesses to D.W. that he was tricking her about there being monsters under her bed. She claims she always knew that, but asks Arthur to check under her bed anyway.

The next day, Arthur and Brain play along with Ted's jokes. Ted makes sure that they cross the street safely.






  • At the very beginning of the episode, Arthur looks under D.W.'s bed. A doll under the bed that looks like D.W. can be seen on the left of the screen, except the doll's head or face is not seen.
  • The Baboon with the Green Hat who warns Arthur about the goons is voiced by legendary voice actor Jim Cummings who was uncredited for the role.

Cultural references


  • When Muffy's limo stops next to Brain, it is shown to have only two windows on one side, while it normally has three.
  • In a shot of the classroom, Jessica is shown sitting next to Sue Ellen, despite her not being in Mr. Ratburn's class. In the same shot, Alex is colored white and wears a pale-green-blue shirt identical to Patrick's.
  • In class, Brain has his drawing of ideas of how to avoid the crossing guard in front of him, but when Mr. Ratburn clears his throat, the drawing disappears. Then, when Mr. Ratburn walks over to the desk, it looks like he's much taller than normal.
  • The ribbon around Stanley's neck is shown to be brown in this episode. However, it is normally yellow.
  • (Possible): When Grandma Thora stops at the crosswalk, the school is shown behind the car. This doesn't make sense, as the crosswalk was generally shown to be nearer to the public road.
    • It's possible that this is a different crosswalk.

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