Introduction[]
Arthur looks under D.W.’s bed.
Arthur: Anybody here? D.W. is so easy to fool. She'll believe anything!
Flashback: D.W. touches the sweaters in her closet with a grabber.
Arthur (narrator): Like one time, I told her sweaters were a kind of animal.
D.W.: I'm not afraid of you!
In her imagination, a cat sweater moves.
Sweater: (roars)
D.W.: Augh!
She runs away.
Flashback: D.W. sits in the bathtub and pulls the plug.
Arthur (narrator): And I told her that if you stayed in the tub after you pulled out the plug...
D.W.: Whoa!
She starts spinning and disappears.
Arthur (narrator): ...you'd get sucked in! Heh heh.
The flashbacks end.
Arthur: She wouldn't take a bath for weeks. Yup, she'll believe anything.
D.W. lies in bed looking scared.
D.W.: Arthur? Did you find anything?
Arthur: No monsters. At least, none I noticed. Just try not to think about them and go to sleep.
He turns off the light and steps on a toy horn while leaving.
Arthur: Augh! (giggles nervously)
Title Card: Arthur in Shower[]
Arthur and Brain walk out of the school.
Arthur: And one time I told her my Bionic Bunny poster could talk and it could tell me if she came in my room when I wasn’t there.
Brain: And she believed you? Wow, it must be great to have someone as gullible as D.W. for a sister.
Arthur: Is it ever.
They high-five.
Brain: You wanna come over to my house and play “Fool the Mule”?
Arthur: Oh sure. Uh, Brain, what's “gullible” mean?
Brain: Easy to fool.
Arthur: Oh right. I forgot what it meant. Yeah, that D.W., she sure is gullible.
They reach a street where a crossing guard is sitting in a deck chair.
Ted: Hello, partners. How are you doing?
Brain: Fine. What happened to Mrs. Hurley?
Ted: She's gone out of town. Meanwhile, I'm holding down the fort.
The boys cross the street.
Ted: That'll be 10 dollars, please.
Arthur+Brain: 10 dollars?!
Ted: Didn't they tell you? New rule. 10 dollars to cross the street. I'll take that in small bills, please.
He holds out his hand.
Arthur: But-but we don't have 10 dollars!
Ted: You mean, you expected to cross the street for free?!
Brain: No... but we always did before, sir.
Ted: Well, I guess you can pay me later. But don't take too long or I'll send my goons after you.
He walks back to his chair. Arthur and Brain walk on.
Brain: 10 dollars to cross the street? That's 50 dollars a week!
Arthur: I'm lucky I live on the other side.
***
Arthur and Brain sit in Brain’s room. Brain pulls the tail of his robotic piggy bank.
Piggy Bank: "I contain 5 dollars and 37 cents. Oink!"
Brain: Arthur, I can't afford to walk home from school.
In his imagination, the Crosswire limousine drives along the street.
Muffy: Bailey, stop here!
The limousine stops beside a teenage Brain who is standing on a traffic refuge wearing much to small clothes. Muffy looks out of the limousine.
Muffy: Brain, where have you been? No one's seen you since third grade.
Brain: I could only cross 5 dollars and 37 cents' worth. This is as far as he would let me come.
Muffy: Well, as I always said, if you want service, you have to pay for it!
The limo drives off.
Brain: Wait! I need 4 dollars and 63 cents so I can... get across!
Ted: (evil laugh)
The fantasy ends.
Brain: (sighs)
Arthur: We can't even pay for today. You think he'll... send his goons?
Brain: Arthur, what are goons?
Arthur: I was gonna ask you that.
In his imagination, Arthur lies in bed at night, when two clothes-wearing baboons come in through the window.
Baboons: (hoot)
Arthur: (gasps) Who are you?! Are you... the goons?
Baboon: Of course not. We're baboons. (hoots)
He smashes Arthur’s piggy bank.
Baboon: The goons will be along later... Hohohoho! And they're really scary. (hoots)
The fantasy ends.
Arthur: This is terrible. He's sending things after us and we don't even know what they are!
Brain: We just have to stay calm and come up with a plan by tomorrow.
***
The next day at recess, Arthur and Brain sit on the swings in the school playground while the Tough Customers chase George.
George: (screams)
Binky: (laughs)
Brain: I thought about it all night, Arthur. The mean Crossing Guard is only there in the afternoon, right?
Arthur: Right.
Brain: So all I have to find a way home after school. Here are my ideas.
He shows sketches in a notebook, which become animated.
Brain (narrator): Plan A. The bridge.
Cartoon Brain runs over a bridge while the crossing guard jumps angrily up and down.
Cartoon Ted: (yells unintelligibly)
Brain (narrator): Drawback - storing it.
Cartoon Brain tries to lift the bridge and it collapses.
Brain (narrator): Plan B. The tunnel.
Cartoon Brain digs a tunnel under the street with a pickaxe. He hits a sewer pipe.
Cartoon Brain: Phew!
Cartoon Brain digs around the pipe and eventually falls out of the bottom of the world.
Cartoon Brain: Aaaaghhh!
The picture turns 180 degrees and Brain falls back to Earth.
Brain (narrator): Drawback - directions.
The crossing guard comes after Brain.
Cartoon Ted: (yells unintelligibly)
Cartoon Brain flies up in a balloon.
Brain (narrator): Plan C. The balloon.
Cartoon Ted: (yells unintelligibly)
The balloon flies past clouds, a house, a tree and a cow.
Brain (narrator): Drawback - getting blown off course...
Eventually, the balloon lands with the cow on top of Brain. Next to them is the house. Two legs in hooped socks stick out from under it. People pop out of the bushes.
Brain (narrator): ...crashlanding in a strange country populated by strange creatures... and having to declare myself Wizard.
Cartoon Munchkins: (laugh)
The fantasy ends.
Arthur: Gee, you really thought this out.
Brain: Yeah, but none of my ideas work. I just need a functional plan.
***
Arthur and Brain walk home from school.
Brain: You sure you don't wanna come over to my house?
Arthur: I'd better save my money for when I really need to see you.
Brain: Good thinking. Well... (gulps)
Arthur starts leaving.
Brain: Here goes.
Ted: Well, here's one half of the Gruesome Twosome. Where's your partner in crime headed?
Brain: We didn't perpetrate any criminal acts.
Ted: Oh yeah? You sure I haven't seen your mug on a wanted poster someplace? Maybe down at the Post Office?
Brain: N-no!
Ted: Well, watch your step now. I'm on to you.
Brain crosses the street.
Ted: One false move, boy, and it's into the slammer with you!
Brain looks horrified.
***
That night, Brain lies in bed.
Brain: I'm crossing... 10 dollars... Have to get across!
In his dream, the Powers’ house is being hauled away while the parents wave.
Brain: If only I hadn't crossed the street so many times, my parents wouldn't have had to sell our house.
A tent stands in the place of the house. Arthur visits Brain.
Arthur: Living in a tent might not be that bad, Brain. It might be fun.
The tent collapses.
Brain: I wonder who bought our house anyway?
While the house is being transported, the crossing guard hangs up a picture of a cat inside.
Ted: (mean laugh) Home sweet home!
The dream ends.
Brain: Auuuggghhh!
***
The kids do an assignment in class. Brain draws another sketch of a balloon escape.
Brain: Oh, what's the point?! I can't think anymore! If only my parents would simply move across the street!
Mr. Ratburn: Ahem!
Brain quickly buries his face in his book.
Brain: Everything would be fine.
Mr. Ratburn walks to the boys table without them noticing.
Arthur: I'm sure you could stay at our house tonight, Brain. Grandma Thora's baby-sitting and she says yes to anything!
Brain: Really?
Mr. Ratburn: Ahem!
Brain: Heh heh.
He grins sheepishly.
***
Arthur and Brain meet at their lockers.
Brain: I'll go straight to your house and call my parents from there.
***
Arthur and Brain pass by the crossing guard.
Ted: Here they are!
Brain: Oh, we're not crossing the street today, sir. Thank you anyway!
Ted: I hope you two aren't planning to cross at some other stop sign. I got cameras everywhere! I'll catch up to you!
***
That evening, Arthur and Brain stand in Arthur’s room.
Brain: In theory, it's possible. Cameras can be made quite small, even small enough to fit in this stuffed bear, for instance.
He holds up Stanley.
Brain: Whoa.
He throws Stanley on the bed. The boys look at the stuffed bear.
Arthur+Brain: (nervous laugh)
Arthur: You think he has cameras in there?
Brain: Could be. Better talk in code.
Arthur: The penny jar... sure is mean.
Brain: That's right. It's almost as bad as... the rug.
He winks.
Arthur: What?!
D.W. comes in.
D.W.: Arthur, come check my bed.
Arthur: There's nothing under there, D.W. Go to sleep.
D.W. leaves sadly.
Arthur: You know things are bad when I don't even feel like torturing D.W.!
***
The next morning, a bird sings on Arthur’s window sill. Arthur wakes up.
Arthur: I've got it! Brain, wake up! I know what to do!
Brain is sleeping on a mattress on the floor.
***
The boys stand in the kitchen where Thora is reading the newspaper.
Arthur: Could you, Grandma?
Grandma Thora: Why, of course, Arthur. If you're sure that's what you want.
Arthur and Brain high-five.
Arthur: Yeah! We'll see you after school.
***
Arthur and Brain stand outside the school after class.
Brain: This was a brilliant idea, Arthur.
Thora honks her car horn.
Grandma Thora: Grandma Thora's cab company at your service! Who needs a ride home?
***
Arthur, Brain and D.W. sit in the back of Thora’s car.
Brain: It's very nice of you to drive me home, Mrs. Read.
D.W.: Why are we stopping?
Grandma Thora: There's someone in the crosswalk.
Ted lets Sue Ellen and Fern cross the street, then looks at the car.
Arthur: He sees us!
Brain: Duck!
They hide behind the front seats.
Grandma Thora: What's going on back there? Fasten those seatbelts right now!
Arthur: Shh! Grandma! He'll see us!
Grandma Thora: Who? Ted?
Arthur: You know him??
Brain: He's the meanest man in the world.
Thora drives past Ted, who waves.
Grandma Thora: Ted? Oh, he's a pussycat.
Arthur: He wants money from us.
Thora hits the breaks.
Grandma Thora: What?! We'll just see about this.
She gets out of the car. D.W. watches through the back window.
D.W.: He sure looks mean.
Brain: He's the meanest crossing guard ever! He said he'd send his goons after us if we didn't pay him money!
Arthur: He was going to turn Brain in to the police.
Brain: And he has cameras in all the stop signs.
D.W.: Wow, and you're saying you actually believed all this?! That's the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! (chuckles) You guys will believe anything! (laughs)
Thora and Ted walk up to the car window.
Grandma Thora: Arthur. Alan. This is Ted Glass. He wants to tell you boys something. Go ahead, Ted.
Ted: Well, I just wanted to, er, tell you boys I-I'm sorry if my kidding around gave you two a scare.
Brain: Haha. That's all right.
Arthur: We didn't really believe it much.
D.W.: (giggles)
***
Later, Arthur talks to Brain on the phone.
Arthur: I was pretty sure he was joking when he started talking about the cameras.
Brain: Yeah, you'd have to be pretty gullible to believe that one.
Arthur: I guess even smart people believe dumb stuff sometimes.
He hears D.W.’s voice from upstairs.
D.W.: Arthur! Come here! Hurry!
Arthur: See you tomorrow, Brain. (sighs)
D.W. is in her bed looking scared.
D.W.: I think I heard something move down there.
Arthur: You'd better watch out. It could be a...
He stops himself.
D.W.: A what?! A what?!
Arthur: Actually... actually there aren't any monsters under the bed, D.W. I was just saying that to fool you.
D.W.: Oh, I know that! I've always known that. But... could you check anyway? Pleeease?
***
The next day, Arthur and Brain walk home from school.
Arthur: Anyway, I figured it wasn't nice to scare her.
Brain: That's a good idea. She's liable to believe anything.
They come to the crossing.
Ted: Hello, boys.
Arthur: Hi.
Brain: Hello.
Brain tries to cross, but Arthur holds him back.
Arthur: Wait. Aren't you gonna ask us the password?
Ted: That's right! You boys are crossing into enemy territory now.
Brain: Could be inhabited by goons.
Ted: Could be worse, I hear. You'd better watch your step!