Bats in the Belfry[]
Introduction[]
A TV commercial shows a woman looking into a mirror, a man with a wart on his nose and a boy jumping.
Commercial: Is your hair too straight? Do you have warts? Feel like you can't jump high enough? Then you need Gizmo! All three people press buttons on a small machine. It shines a light in their faces and the woman now has a Tina Turner hairdo, the man's nose is wart-free but an odd shape, and the boy jumps much higher. That's right, Gizmo solves all your problems and it's only nineteen dollars and ninety-nine cents.
Arthur is watching the commercial at home. He addresses the audience.
Arthur: Does it ever seem like some things are just too good to be true? Like when your teacher tells you there's no homework.
Flashback: Mr. Ratburn addresses the class.
Mr. Ratburn: Class, I've decided not to give you any written homework this weekend.
Class: (cheer)
Mr. Ratburn: There'll just be a little light reading. He holds up a stack of books. Ah! Be ready on Monday to discuss beluga whales, the Mesozoic era, and the Yanomami tribe of the Amazon.
Class: Aw...
In another flashback Arthur tries to load a disk into the computer, but it keeps spitting the disk out.
Arthur: Or the time you finally get the computer game you've been asking for all year. What's wrong?
Mr. Read: The fine print says you need operating system 21.5 or higher, and it can only be used in Norway.
The flashbacks end.
Arthur: Yup. I've learned that if something seems too good to be true... He turns off the TV. ...it's because it usually is.
D.W. comes in.
D.W.: Arthur! Come on! Mom's taking us to the amusement park!
Arthur: She is?
D.W.: Yeah! And she said you have to take me on all the rides I want, like the teeny-tiny train and the pony carousel and Mr. Froggy's Gentle Joyride...
Arthur: See what I mean?
Title Card: Arthur in the Bath[]
Arthur is carrying a bust of Elvis Presley through Grandma Thora's attic.
Arthur: Watch out! Coming through!
He hands the bust to Grandma Thora who is coming up the stairs.
Grandma Thora: Thanks, Arthur. I can take it from here.
She carries the bust downstairs. D.W. looks through a box.
D.W.: Wow, I can't believe Grandma had so much stuff up here! What is this, anyway?
Arthur: I think it was called a lava lamp.
D.W.: A lamp filled with lava?! (gasps) That sounds like a fire hazard!
She puts it back.
Grandma Thora: Well, that just about does it! Thank you so much for helping me clean out my attic.
Arthur: So what are you gonna do with all this space?
Grandma Thora: You mean, what are you going to do with it? I don't need it! So I thought the two of you might want to use it as a clubhouse.
Arthur: No way!
D.W.: My very own clubhouse?
Grandma Thora: I didn't put a window screen in yet so it's a little buggy. Otherwise, it's all set to go!
D.W.: With a few stuffed animals and a little glitter, I could turn this into a princess palace!
In her imagination the room has a bed shaped like a castle, balloons and a jacuzzi.
D.W.: With a Jacuzzi!
D.W. and Nadine, fully clothed and wearing medieval cone-shaped hats, play in the jacuzzi.
D.W.+Nadine: (laugh)
Snooter, the flying pig, brings a plate of fruit. Arthur steps into the fantasy.
Arthur: You can't put a Jacuzzi up here, D.W.!
The fantasy ends.
D.W.: Why not?
Arthur: Because there are no pipes for the water. And anyway, we have to make sure there's enough room for my pirate stuff! We could build a whole ship in here and act out scenes from that movie, "Buccaneers Of The Bahamas"!
In his imagination half of the room is occupied by a pirate ship. Arthur and Buster stand on it wearing pirates' clothes.
Buster: Arr! Walk the plank, ye scurvy scampi!
He makes Arthur walk the plank. Arthur jumps down onto some large pillows.
Arthur+Buster: (laugh)
The fantasy ends.
D.W.: I don't want any pirates in my space. They'll scare the unicorns!
Arthur: There aren't gonna be any unicorns!
Grandma Thora: Those are both great ideas, but there's only one attic here, so you two are going to have to learn how to share it.
She walks downstairs with the last box.
Arthur+D.W.: Okay.
***
Arthur and D.W. walk along a street, past a grocer picking up spilled oranges.
Arthur: I think the fairest thing would be to split the attic down the middle.
D.W.: Okay, but I get the side by the window.
Arthur: Why do you get the side by the window?
D.W.: Because you breathe too much. You'll take up all the air!
A bicycle bell rings. Bailey and Muffy stop next to them on their tandem (Bailey pedals, Muffy just sits in the back).
Muffy: Hi, you guys! Are you moving into a new house? Can I decorate it?
Arthur: Grandma Thora gave us her attic to use as a clubhouse, and we're trying to figure out how to divide it!
Muffy: That's easy. Do a timeshare!
D.W.: But I can't tell time!
Muffy: You don't have to. It just means Arthur gets the whole attic for a few days, then you do.
D.W.: I can live with that.
Muffy: Great. Take my card, give me a call if you're considering renting it.
She gives Arthur a business card and Bailey drives off.
***
Arthur and Buster are in the attic with their sleeping bags and backpacks.
Arthur: First we could play No Guessing, and then maybe tell some ghost stories. And then...
D.W. comes up carrying her stuff.
D.W.: If you're going to tell ghost stories, you better find another attic.
Arthur: D.W., what are you doing here?
D.W.: This is my Saturday! Uh-uh. It's mine. See?
She holds up a calendar.
Arthur: You probably got the month wrong.
Buster: No, she's right, Arthur. It says September.
D.W.: I was going to have a sleepover with Emily, but she cancelled. You're welcome to stay, but no ghost stories.
Arthur: This is a disaster!
Buster: Well, we're already here, we might as well stay.
D.W.: I don't mind. We can play Mary Moo Cow's Merry Maypole! It's for ages four and up, so that includes you!
***
Arthur, Buster and D.W. play D.W.'s game.
D.W.: I win!
Buster: Aw, I was really close!
Arthur: D.W., I think it's time for bed now.
D.W.: Hey, you're not the boss of me!
Grandma Thora comes up.
Grandma Thora: Okay, kids, time to get in your sleeping bags!
She goes down again.
Arthur: No, but she is!
D.W. looks annoyed.
***
At night all three kids are in their sleeping bags. Grandma Thora turns off the light and goes downstairs.
Grandma Thora: Sleep tight.
Buster: Is she asleep yet?
Arthur shines a flashlight on the sleeping D.W.
Arthur: Like a log. We don't need to whisper! D.W. could sleep through a hurricane!
Buster: Hey, I heard the most amazing ghost story the other day. You wanna hear it? Arthur pulls his sleeping bag partly over his face. There's this guy who gets a mysterious package in the mail, inside it is a doll who looks exactly like him, and...
Something flies past them.
Arthur: What was that?
Buster: What was what? Anyway, the guy thinks it's just a practical joke, so he throws the doll in the fireplace, but later that night he sees the doll at the foot of his bed!
Arthur: What was that?
Buster: I didn't hear anything. If you're scared now, just wait till I get to the scary part!
Arthur: I think there's something over there!
Buster takes the flashlight.
Buster: Okay, we'll check it out. But you're ruining the flow of the story. They search the walls and ceiling. See, there's nothing. The flashlight shines on a doll. Aaah! The doll!
Arthur: (laughs) Now who's the 'fraidy-cat? It's just one of D.W.'s toys.
Something flutters overhead. Buster shines the light on a bat.
Arthur+Buster: Aaaah!
They drop the flashlight next to D.W.'s sleeping bag and run downstairs. D.W. wakes up.
***
Arthur and Buster stand in the kitchen.
Buster: (gasps) What was that?
Arthur: I think it was a bat!
Buster: A vampire bat?
Arthur: I don't know, I've never seen one before! Where's D.W.?!
Buster: She wasn't behind you? Oh! If the vampire bat bites her, she'll become one of them! Just a second... He opens a cupboard. Oh, drat. No garlic! It's the only thing that wards off vampires. Ooh! But there is garlic salt! It'll have to do.
***
The boys return to the attic and find D.W. watching the bat with the flashlight.
D.W.: Arthur, look! It's a mouse with wings!
Arthur: D.W., it's a bat! And We have to get out of here right now!
D.W.: (gasps) That's a bat? You mean like Starry Moony?
Arthur: Who?
Buster: We might be too late. He sprinkles garlic salt on D.W. Begone, evil vampire!
D.W.: Hey! Cut it out! I'm not a pizza! Starry Moony is a book Mom read to me. It's about a cute little bat who lived with her bat sisters. The story is shown. Bats fly past a tree, one of them lands. Then, one day, Starry Moony got lost.
Starry Moony: (whines)
A chipmunk comes out of a tree hole.
D.W.: But, lucky for her, a nice chipmunk came along and adopted her. The bat jumps on the chipmunk's tail and the chipmunk runs off. Starry Moony tried to be a good chipmunk, but it wasn't easy, because she was a bat. The chipmunk eats acorns. The bat tries to eat one buts spits it out.
Starry Moony: Ptoo! (sighs)
Starry Moony climbs a tree after the chipmunk, but slides down. The animated story ends.
D.W.: Finally, she ran into some other bats, and she found her mom, and everyone lived happily ever after. The end.
Arthur: But this is a real bat, D.W.
D.W.: So? I'm not afraid. You can sleep downstairs if you want. Goodnight, Starry Moony.
She lies down in her sleeping bag and turns off the flashlight.
Arthur: Well... I'm not afraid either! Are you, Buster?
Buster: Who, me? No way... He finishes making a circle of garlic salt around his sleeping bag. Then he hides in his bag so that only his eye is showing. Good night.
He zips up completely.
Arthur takes the flashlight, sits in his sleeping bag and studies the bat as it flies around. He turns off the flashlight.
***
Later that night Arthur watches the bat in fascination, while Buster and D.W. sleep.
Buster+D.W.: (snore)
A bug lands on the window sill and is caught by the bat.
***
Early in the morning the bat flies out of the window. Arthur looks after it.
Arthur: (yawns)
He closes the window.
***
The kids sit at the breakfast table and Grandma Thora serves pancakes.
Grandma Thora: So, how was last night? Did you all have fun?
D.W.: Yeah, until Arthur scared Starry Moony away!
Arthur: I didn't scare the bat away. I saw it leave on its own this morning!
Buster: It probably changed back into its human form. That's what vampires do.
Grandma Thora: Wait a minute. There was a bat in the attic? Why didn't you tell me? It could've had rabies!
D.W.: What's rabies?
Grandma Thora: A very serious disease you get from being bitten by a wild animal.
D.W.: I could've gotten a disease?! Why didn't you take me out of there?! You're a terrible older brother!
Arthur: The bat didn't bite any of us, and it was really interesting. I saw it catch, like, a hundred mosquitoes!
Grandma Thora: Well, yes, they are very helpful creatures, but I don't want you two sharing an attic with one.
Arthur: (sighs) There goes the clubhouse.
Grandma Thora: Not necessarily.
***
Mr. Read nails a box for bats next to the attic window which now has a screen in front of it.
Grandma Thora: Now the bat has its own house, and I put a screen up in the attic window so you don't have to worry about uninvited guests!
Mr. Read comes down the ladder.
D.W.: I still think we should've put in upside-down furniture. She doesn't even have a chair in there.
Buster: Oh, I almost forgot! He gives Grandma Thora a clove of garlic. Here's some fresh garlic. It's good to have some in the house. (whispers:) Just in case.
Arthur: Look, there's two going in there!
Two bats fly into the box. Their heads look like Arthur and D.W.
Bat D.W.: Okay, now you get that half, and I get everything to the door!
Bat Arthur: But the door's the best part! Maybe we should do a timeshare.
Bat D.W.: I get the weekends!
Bat Arthur: I want the weekends! And I call Arbor Day!
Bat D.W.: No fair!