Big Brother Binky[]
Introduction
Binky in mountain gear walks up the path to a monastery in the mountains of China. He knocks on the door and Arthur opens, wearing a karate suit and a black belt.
Binky: Greetings, master.
Arthur: Why have you come?
Binky: I wish to learn the way of the Big Brother.
Arthur: The path is long and will cost you dearly.
Binky: Okay, forget it.
He turns around.
Arthur: Uh, wait! All right, I'll throw in the first lesson for free. Come on in.
***
Arthur and Binky face each other in a training room.
Arthur: We begin with a demonstration: Eagle-Retaining-Remote. He holds up a TV remote control. Take the remote from my hand.
Binky does some martial arts moves, then lunges at Arthur.
Binky: Hgn..ah! Arthur easily jumps out of the way. You really are the master!
***
Arthur takes a fortune cookie out of a jar shaped like a budai statue. He puts it beside the jar and stands behind Binky.
Arthur: Now, retrieve the cookie.
Binky runs to the cookie. Arthur runs up the wall and along the ceiling and reaches the cookie before Binky.
Binky: Hgn! How did you do that?!
Arthur: It's called Big-Brother-Becomes-The-Wind.
***
Binky bows to Arthur.
Arthur: The time has come to test your skills on a worthy opponent. D.W.!
A door opens with the sound of a gong. D.W. comes in dressed like Arthur.
Arthur: Here is your challenge: get to the remote before D.W.
Binky sweats. He and D.W. take fighting stances.
D.W.: Hold on, I'm not ready. She tightens her belt. That's better. Now, I don't know what Arthur told you, but I'm the one who makes the rules here.
Binky: Huh?
D.W.: The rules say that I get to make the first move. I also get to make the last move. Rule number one: I make up the rules.
Binky: What do I do now?
Arthur: Fingerblock and Run Like Water is the best defence against Little-Sister-Squawks-Like-Chicken!
They run away. D.W. follows.
D.W.: I can run and talk at the same time, you know. Wait!
Title Card: Binky Blows Bubble[]
The Barnes family are having dinner.
Mrs. Barnes: Well, dear, shall you tell him?
Mr. Barnes: Can I? Or do you want to?
Binky: What, tell me what?
Mr.+Mrs. Barnes: We're planning on adopting a baby!
Binky continues eating.
Mrs. Barnes: What do you think?
Binky: Okay. May I be excused? Wide World of Wrestling is on in two minutes.
He takes his plate and leaves the room. The parents look at each other, surprised.
***
On the TV two wrestlers raise their arms.
Announcer: The Timber Twins have splintered the competition! But look who's waiting in the wings.
Horace the Hacksaw: You better knock wood, Timber Twins!
Binky is watching from the couch eating popcorn. His dad comes in.
Mr. Barnes: So now that your show's over, let's talk a little. How are you feeling about all this?
Binky: Great! Can't wait to see the Timber Twins take on Horace the Hacksaw next week.
Mr. Barnes: So, how do you feel about our plan what about our plan?
Binky: Um, fine, I guess. Will it be like having a penpal? Will I have to write him all the time?
Mr. Barnes: Well, no. Adoption means you'll be somebody's older brother forever.
Binky: You mean when we adopt, I'll get to be a big brother?!
Mr. Barnes: That's right. Some kids become brothers and sisters by birth and some by adoption.
Binky: I'm gonna be an older brother?!
Mr. Barnes: Yep, we're gonna adopt from China, so it'll probably be a girl.
Binky: I'm gonna be an older brother with a little sister! Woo-hoo!
He jumps up and spills the popcorn.
***
Mrs. Barnes sits at Binky's bedside in the evening.
Binky: So, when are they gonna send us my sister? Isn't she gonna be scared flying here by herself?
Mrs. Barnes: No, because we're going to go to China to get her.
Binky: We're going to China too?! This is the best day ever.
Mrs. Barnes kisses him, turns off the light and goes out.
In Binky's dream a wrestling announcer introduces a huge man wearing a hardhat.
Announcer: And in this corner, we have Bernie The Bulldozer; Wide World Champion five times over. Tonight, he takes on Binky and his sister, The Pair of Despair!
Binky and a toddler looking like him stand in the other corner.
Binky and his sister move sideways. Binky takes his sister on his shoulder. They use the ropes to gain momentum, then Binky runs around Bernie while his sister squirts milk from a bottle in his eyes.
Bernie: Ah, I can't see! I can't see!
Binky's sister: (giggles)
Binky wraps a towel around Bernie and pulls him down. Binky and his sister sit on Bernie. The referee counts.
Bernie: Uncle! Uncle!
The dream ends. Binky gets up in the morning and looks into the mirror.
Binky: Well, big brother, you better get ready.
***
Binky drops a bag in the kitchen where Mrs. Barnes is cooking breakfast.
Binky: I'm all packed and ready for China.
Mrs. Barnes: Binky, it could be a whole year before we go!
Binky: A whole year?! Why?
Mrs. Barnes: Because there's lots to do. There are forms to fill out, interviews we have to have, paperwork we have to send to China, meet with a social worker...
Binky sits down at the table.
Binky: What am I supposed to do until then, just wait?
Mrs. Barnes: You can help us with some the paperwork. Here, I hereby elect you keeper of the check list. She hands him a clipboard. Your job is to help us keep on track and get everything done.
Binky: (sighs) Okay. Well, there isn't a box for it, but that toast needs buttering.
***
The Barnes sit in a photographer's studio. The photographer is adjusting the lighting.
Binky: Look, this picture's for the people in China taking care of my sister, so make it good! Don't forget to smile. But show them we're serious about this. Em, serious, but also really nice. They smile. That's it!
The photo is taken. Binky makes a tick on the check list.
***
The Barnes family sit at the kitchen table. The parents fill out documents and hand them to Binky, who ticks them off on the list.
***
The Barnes family sit in the waiting room of the adoption agency. A lady shows them into her office.
***
The Barnes family walk to the mailbox. Binky carries a box full of documents.
Binky: You're sure everything's in here?
Mr. Barnes: It's all ready to go. I triple checked the list.
Binky drops the box in the mailbox.
Binky: Good luck, have a safe trip. Our papers are on their way to China!
***
The Barnes family are eating in the Golden Panda Chinese Restaurant. A waiter serves Binky.
Binky: Ah, my favourite - peanut-free egg rolls. Xièxiè. Sue Ellen taught me how to say "thank you" in Chinese.
Mrs. Barnes: It's so wonderful you've been learning some Chinese before our trip.
Binky: Little sister is "mèimei" and big brother is "dàgē".
Mr. Barnes: Here's to getting all our paperwork in on time.
They clink their teacups.
Binky: Now there's nothing to do but wait. I hope it won't be long.
Mr. Barnes: Oh, we still have more to do!
Mrs. Barnes: For one thing, we've got to get your sister's new room together.
Binky: Are we gonna build her a new room? Hey, maybe I could get a bigger room while we're at it?
Mr. Barnes: No, no, we're gonna turn the spare room into your sister's room.
Binky: The spare room?! You mean, my game room?
Mrs. Barnes: Some of the stuff in there we can give away or store in the garage.
Binky: What stuff?! Not my stuff!
Mrs. Barnes: Don't worry, we'll find another place to put your games.
***
Binky is playing with a wrestler action figure in the spare room. Mrs. Barnes searches the closet.
Mrs. Barnes: Oh, my! I forgot I put this up here. She takes out a small piece of cloth. You know, this would look nice in your sister's Bai Jia Bei.
Binky: What's that?
Mrs. Barnes: It's a One Hundred Good Wishes Quilt. We'll ask friends and family to contribute a piece of fabric and a good wish for the baby. Then I'll make a quilt for your sister out of it.
Binky: Did you make one of those for me?
Mrs. Barnes: Well, no. It's a tradition from Northern China. I didn't know about it when you were a baby.
She leaves the room.
Binky: So she gets a hundred good wishes and what do I get?
***
Binky, Brain and Francine are gathering leaves in the park. D.W. runs up to Binky.
D.W.: Binky! For your sister's quilt. She's gonna love unicorns.
She holds up a piece of cloth with unicorns.
***
Buster and his mom are at the Barnes' door in winter. Buster hands Binky some cloth with UFOs.
Buster: For your sister's quilt. So she'll "believe".
Binky gives the cloth to his mom and goes inside.
***
In the school cafeteria Mrs. McGrady gives Binky a cloth looking like a bingo card.
***
Arthur and Binky walk up to the Reads' house. Pal brings Binky a piece of cloth with paw prints.
Pal: (barks)
Binky: Hmm...
#
Binky and Arthur are in what is now the baby's room. Binky searches the closet.
Binky: I know checkers is in here somewhere.
Arthur admires the finished quilt that is hanging on the wall.
Arthur: Hey, there's my patch, the one with the pandas!
Binky: Oh! I can't find anything anymore.
Mrs. Barnes comes in with an envelope and a photograph.
Mrs. Barnes: Look what just arrived. Can you guess who this is?
The photograph shows a crying baby under a blanket.
Binky: My sister! She looks kinda....small.
Arthur: Can I call my mom and D.W.?
Mrs. Barnes: Of course, dear. Let's invite them over to see the picture.
She leaves with Arthur.
Binky: I thought we were gonna play checkers! Oh.
He pulls out the game box and several other boxes fall to the floor.
***
Mrs. Read and D.W. are sitting in the Barnes' living room. Mrs. Barnes serves milk and cookies.
D.W.: I'm an expert at taking care of babies, so call me any time.
Mrs. Barnes: Thank you, D.W., I'll keep that in mind.
Arthur: When can you bring her home?
Mrs. Barnes: Well, the call could come any day now. Binky looks at the empty cookie plate. Oh! I forgot about Binky's travel shots.
Binky: Shots??
***
Binky sits in a hospital room getting a shot from a nurse.
Binky: Was that it? Was that the last one?
Mrs. Barnes: Yep, that was the last one.
Binky: Oh, this baby better be worth it!
***
Mr. and Mrs. Barnes are trying to shut a suitcase in their bedroom. It pops open again.
Mr. Barnes: Oh, no!
Binky comes with his suitcase and a butterfly net.
Binky: Can I put this in your bag, Mom?
Mrs. Barnes: Oh, dear, we can't take that.
Binky: But the red lacewing is only found in China. This could be my chance to see one up close!
Mr. Barnes: Binky, we've gotta put some of these diapers and baby formula in your bag.
Binky: I don't need that stuff.
Mrs. Barnes: They're for your sister.
Binky: Oh. Hmm...
A while later Mr. Barnes closes Binky's suitcase. Some of Binky's stuff is now lying on the floor.
Mr. Barnes: That's better. Now we're all packed.
Binky picks up his things and leaves.
Binky: Fine. I'm going to bed.
Mr. Barnes: Thanks for helping, son.
Binky: I guess there's no room for me and my stuff any more.
***
At night Binky lies in his bed. In his dream he wakes up about three inches tall in a bed made out of a matchbox.
Binky: (yawns)
A giant (to him) baby girl crawls towards him.
Binky's sister: (babbles)
Mrs. Barnes picks up the baby.
Mrs. Barnes: Breakfast time, you iddle-widdle sweetie pie! And you too, Binky.
She goes out. Binky runs after her.
In the kitchen Binky walks over the table. His sister in a high chair is eating out of a bowl. Binky climbs on a spoon. Just then Mrs. Barnes picks up the spoon. Binky holds on to it.
Binky: Mom! Mom!
Mrs. Barnes: Here we go, baby-waby!
Binky falls off the spoon into the baby's bowl.
Binky: Ah! The spoon comes down on him. (yells out in fear) His mom picks him up in the spoon and begins to feed the baby. Augh! I'm not baby food! Heeelp!
The dream ends. Binky blinks and sees his parents.
Mrs. Barnes: Binky, wake up, dear!
Binky: Oh, but it's three o'clock in the morning!
Mrs. Barnes: Come on, we've got a plane to catch.
***
The plane takes off. Binky reads a magazine on board. A little girl behind him keeps kicking the back of his seat.
Mother: Don't do that, honey. No kicking, sweetie.
The girl keeps on kicking.
Binky: Do you want me to come back there and make you stop?
The girl nestles against her mother.
Mrs. Barnes: Binky! I'm so sorry.
Binky: But she was kicking me! Why are you taking her side? I bet that's how it's gonna be with my sister, too.
Mrs. Barnes: What do you mean?
Binky: It's just that you don't care about me like you used to.
Mrs. Barnes hugs him.
Mrs. Barnes: Oh, Binky. I know this is a big change for all of us, but I'm gonna love you as much as I always have.
Binky adjusts the ventilation.
Binky: This thing keeps blowing cold air in my face.
Mrs. Barnes unpacks a quilt.
Mrs. Barnes: This might help.
Binky: You made this for me?
Mrs. Barnes: I thought you'd like to have a Bai Jia Bei, just like your sister.
Binky puts the quilt over himself.
Binky: Thanks, Mom. This is great.
Mrs. Barnes closes the seatbelt over the quilt.
Mrs. Barnes: So, are you looking forward to meeting her?
Binky: Yeah, I am. I wonder if she's looking forward to meeting me?
The plane flies through the night.
# Part 2[]
The plane flies over the Great Wall of China. Binky looks at the photograph of his little sister.
Stewardess (on P.A.): We begin our descent into Beijing.
Binky wiggles his mom's arm.
Binky: Mom, we're almost there.
Mrs. Barnes: Oh, my! I feel as if I've been on this airplane forever.
Binky: Dad, wake up!
Mr. Barnes: Huh...what? Are they serving breakfast? Or is it dinner?
Binky: No, we're landing. I can't wait to meet Mei Lin. Will she be at the airport?
Mrs. Barnes: No, dear. It'll be at least two or three days before we can pick her up.
Binky: More waiting?
Mr. Barnes: Don't worry. There'll be lots of sightseeing to distract us.
***
Binky flies a Chinese kite in front of a picturesque building. His dad takes a picture.
***
Binky buys a lollipop shaped like a cat's head.
***
Binky attempts to do Tai Chi with people in front of the Temple of Heaven. He falls on his behind.
***
Binky slurps noodles in a street restaurant. The cook claps.
***
Binky buys a cricket in a cage from a street vendor. He sets the cricket free on a patch of grass.
Binky: Now run along, little fellow.
The cricket smiles, nods and jumps away.
***
Binky reads a brochure sitting on a hotel bed.
Binky: Hey, this opera, called The Monkey King, has some of the best acrobats in the world. It's tomorrow, can we go?
Mr. Barnes: I'm not sure, Binky. We're picking up your sister tomorrow. Remember?
***
At the adoption agency a couple is given a baby. Other couples are playing with babies. The Barnes family enter.
Binky: What if they can't find us? Or what if they give us the wrong baby?
Mr. Barnes: Now, that won't happen. This agency has done this lots of times. They know what they're doing.
Mrs. Barnes: Besides, we know what she looks like.
She gives Binky the photograph.
Binky: Oh, yeah. He lowers the photo and sees two Chinese ladies coming towards them carrying Mei Lin. That's her!
Chinese Lady 1: (speaks Chinese)
Chinese Lady 2: Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, here is Mei Lin.
She gives Mei Lin to Mrs. Barnes.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Binky: Why is she crying? Did we do something wrong?
Mr. Barnes: No, she just doesn't know us yet. It'll take a little time.
He wiggles Mei Lin's foot and she stops crying.
***
Mr. Barnes changes Mei Lin on the hotel bed.
Binky: Come on, Dad, please. When will I ever get a chance to see a real Chinese opera again?
Mr. Barnes: I don't know. Mei Lin's had a busy couple of days.
Mrs. Barnes: I think it'll be okay. Oh, look. She's falling asleep.
Mei Lin sleeps.
***
The Barnes family sit in the opera. Mei Lin is asleep in Mrs. Barnes' arm. Artists in masks are performing on stage.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Some people are giving dirty looks. Mr. Barnes hands Mrs. Barnes Mei Lin's bottle. Mei Lin stops crying, but only for a moment.
Mrs. Barnes: Maybe we should go.
Binky: But it isn't over yet.
Chinese Man: Shh!
Binky: Look at the Monkey King, Mei Lin. Look. See? Monkey. Like this.
He puffs up his cheeks.
Mei Lin: (giggles)
She stops crying. The Barnes family exchange looks of relief.
***
The plane back to North America flies through the night. Binky is trying to sleep. Mei Lin is on Mrs. Barnes' arm.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Mrs. Barnes: She's not hungry, I've changed her diaper. Maybe her ears hurt.
Mr. Barnes: Here, let me try for a while.
He takes Mei Lin, who keeps on crying. A lady on the other side of the aisle is trying to sleep.
Lady: I'm sorry, but could you please do something about your baby?
Binky: Hey, Mei Lin, look at me.
He makes the funny face again. Mei Lin stops crying.
Lady: Thank goodness.
Mr. Barnes: Nice going, kiddo.
Binky: It's all in the cheeks.
***
Back in Elwood City, Binky talks to Buster and Arthur in front of the school.
Binky: And then, all I do is this... He does the face. ...and she stops crying just like that. But it only works when I do it.
Buster: Wow! You have a special gift. Like Tyler the cat psychic on that show “Ordinary People With Extraordinary Powers”.
Arthur: Buster, there's no such thing as a cat psychic.
Buster: Oh, yeah?! Then how did Tyler know that Mr. Jiggles would only eat minced mackerel?
Binky: You really think I have a special gift?
Buster: It sounds like it. Hey, maybe we could get it on tape and then you could be on the show.
Binky smiles. In his imagination he walks into a TV studio with five bassinets with crying babies.
Show Host: Ladies and gentlemen, Binky the human pacifier!
Binky walks up to the first crying baby. He makes the face and the crying stops. He does the same with the second baby. The third “baby” is a non-anthropomorphic cat. It also stops crying.
Audience: (applaud)
Show Host: Binky, the human pacifier!
The fantasy ends.
Binky: Okay. Come over tomorrow. I'll show you how it's done.
***
Buster is filming Mei Lin in her crib, who is shaking a rattle and smiling. Binky and Arthur stand beside him.
Buster: How can you tell when she's about to cry?
Arthur: With Kate it can happen really fast. One minute she's fine, and then suddenly she's upset.
Binky: We'll have to wait it out.
He takes the “No Guessing” game out of the closet.
The boys play “No Guessing”. Arthur hands the die to Buster.
Arthur: Your turn.
Mei Lin: (coughs)
The boys stand around Mei Lin's crib. Buster has the camera.
Buster: Stand by, Binky. And action, Mei Lin. Mei Lin smiles. Another false alarm. What does it take to get a baby to cry around here?
Binky: She'll cry when she's good and ready.
Binky moves his piece to the finish.
Binky: I win! Wanna play again?
Arthur: I don't know. Maybe we should go.
Mei Lin is asleep in her crib.
Buster: We can't give up now. I saw a behind-the-scenes special about that movie “Penguins Do The Darndest Things” and it took them years to get them to do those belly flops off the iceberg.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Buster: Wow, that's loud. Okay, Binky, show us your gift.
Binky: Mei Lin... He does the face. She goes on crying. She doesn't like the camera! Move back! Mei Lin!
Arthur picks up the rattle and shakes it. Mei Lin stops crying.
Arthur: Do you want this?
He gives Mei Lin the rattle and she shakes it.
Mei Lin: (giggles)
Binky: What did you do that for?
Arthur: I was just trying to help.
Binky: I didn't need help. I was just warming up.
***
Binky and his dad are in the supermarket with Mei Lin. Mei Lin drops her rattle.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Binky gives her back the rattle. She drops it and goes on crying.
Binky: Mei Lin!
He does the face. She stops crying and looks at Arthur, who is standing nearby and waves.
Arthur: Hi, Mei Lin.
Binky: Come on, Dad. Let's go this way.
He pushes the cart with Mei Lin away. His dad follows and picks up the rattle.
***
George sits on the swings in the park. Mrs. Barnes and Binky walk by with Mei Lin in a stroller.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Binky holds two sticks to his head.
Binky: Look, Mei Lin, I'm a dancing moose.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Arthur comes by on his bike. He rings his bell and waves.
Arthur: Hi, Mei Lin.
Binky notices that George is watching him.
Binky: What are you looking at?!
***
Binky sits in the Powers' ice-cream shop and is being served by Brain.
Binky: Banana split, heavy on the chocolate syrup.
Brain: Tough day, Binky?
Binky: It's my sister. I used to be able to stop her from crying with a single look. He demonstrates. Now, the magic's gone.
Brain: Maybe you need to try something new.
Binky: I've tried everything. Silly hats, funny dances, animal sounds.
Brain: What about a simple lullaby?
Binky: You think that'd work?
Brain serves the banana split.
Brain: Sure. Lullabies are a proven method of soothing babies. And a recent study suggests that early exposure to music stimulates brain development.
Binky: I'll take this to go.
***
Mrs. Barnes tucks Mei Lin in.
Mrs. Barnes: Goodnight, sweetheart.
As she is about to leave the room, Mei Lin starts crying.
Mei Lin: (cries)
Binky comes running.
Binky: Wait, I know just what to do! (sings:) “Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock...”
Mei Lin goes on crying.
Mrs. Barnes: Er, Binky, thanks, but it's time for you to go to bed, dear.
***
Binky lies in bed. In his dream, he and Arthur are walking through a Chinese courtyard towards a throne on which Mei Lin is sitting and crying. Buster stands beside the throne as a guard.
Buster: Whoever can stop the princess from crying shall be given the title of True Brother. Binky does some acrobatics and juggling to no avail. Next!
Arthur steps up.
Arthur: Ah-hm!
Mei Lin stops crying and claps.
Mei Lin: (giggles)
Binky: It's not fair. He's had practice being an older brother - twice. How can I compete with that?
***
Mr. Barnes is making breakfast in the kitchen. Binky comes in with his suitcase.
Binky: We have to go back to China.
Mr. Barnes: What?
Mrs. Barnes: Why?
Binky: Because Mei Lin's not happy here. She wants to go back to her real home.
Mr. Barnes: Binky, her real home is right here.
Mrs. Barnes: When we adopted her, we became her family forever.
Binky: But, if we go back to China, maybe I could get my special power back, or, or maybe I could get a new one.
Mr. Barnes: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we all go out for Chinese food tonight, would you like that, Binky?
Binky: I guess it'll have to do.
***
The Barnes family sit at a table in the Golden Panda restaurant.
Mr. Barnes: Oh, look, it's the Reads.
He waves at the five Reads, who are just coming in. Mr. Read waves back.
Mrs. Barnes: We should ask them to join us.
Binky: Mom, no. What if Mei Lin wakes up and starts crying?
Mr. Barnes: I think the Reads understand about crying babies.
Mei Lin: (sighs)
She rubs her eyes.
Binky: Oh, no! She's awake. Don't cry. Please, I can't take it. When Arthur's around, it's like I'm invisible. You'd probably rather have him for a brother. Mei Lin throws some baby food at him. Hey! What'd you do that for?
Mei Lin: (chuckles)
Binky: (blows raspberry)
Mei Lin: (blows raspberry)
The Reads join the Barnes at their table.
Binky: (laughs) Hey, Mei Lin, do it again. (blows raspberry)
Mei Lin: (blows raspberry)
All: (laugh)
Binky: I taught her how to do that.
Mr. Read: Isn't it amazing what brothers and sisters learn from each other?
D.W.: I learn a lot from Arthur, because he makes so many mistakes. If I want to do something right, I just do the opposite of what he does.
Arthur: D.W.!
D.W.: What? I'm giving you a complimentation.
***
The families are eating. Mei Lin and Kate sit in high chairs side by side.
Kate+Mei Lin: (baby talk)
Binky: They're talking baby talk.
Arthur: I wonder what they're saying to each other.
Mei Lin: What are those things on your brother's face?
Kate: They're called glasses.
Mei Lin: Fascinating. My brother's the one with the noodles on his chin. He's so sweet. But sometimes I wish he'd realize that it's not all about him. You know what I mean?
Kate: Oh, I sure do. Arthur loves to play peek-a-boo. At first it was fun, but he insists on doing it over and over.
Arthur and Binky hide their faces behind napkins.
Arthur+Binky Kate! Mei Lin! Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!
Kate: Here we go again.
Mei Lin: Clap and laugh!
Kate: Clap and laugh!
They do so.