Introduction

Arthur and D.W. run past a clocktower.

D.W.: Arthur! Hurry! The little hand is almost at three. We'll miss the movie!

Arthur: Does it have to be “Doll Story 2”? What about “Slappy Blackhead's Way-Cool Journey Through Time”?

D.W.: Because it's my movie day today! I'd go by myself if Mom and Dad would let me, but they won't, so you have to take me. Now hurry!

Arthur: Okay, calm down. I know a short cut.

They crawl under a loose board in a fence and walk through a small park.

D.W.: A secret path?

Arthur: Yep, but stay right beside me. It's easy to get lost.

They run through the park and end up in front of the Cinema 8 movie theater.

D.W.: Wow! Neat trick, Arthur!

***

Arthur and D.W. stand in line at the ticket booth. D.W. looks at a “Doll Story 2” poster. Buster, Francine, and Muffy come.

Buster: Hey, Arthur!

Arthur: Hey, guys!

Buster: What you doing?

Arthur: Oh, just taking D.W. to see “Doll Story 2”.

Francine: Aw, that's too bad. We're gonna see “Slappy Blackhead's Way-Cool Journey Through Time”.

Arthur: Really?

He hesitates. D.W. gives him a suspicious look.

D.W.: No, Arthur! Arthur?

***

D.W. sits with the other kids in the theater watching Slappy Blackhead. She frowns at her brother.

Slappy’s Friend (on screen): Wow, Slappy. So you're saying all this bike needs is some uranium you got from science class, ha, and cooked for two minutes in your microwave oven to make it into a time machine?

Slappy (on screen): Dude, would Slappy Blackhead steer you wrong?

On the screen, Slappy’s friend opens the microwave oven at night.

Slappy’s Friend (on screen): Rockinapalooza 1991…

Both (on screen): …here we come!

The friend fills a glowing substance into an alarm clock that is attached to Slappy’s bike.

D.W.: Oh, brother! to camera: I know Arthur is always telling you that having a little sister is a pain, but look at what I put up with! And this is only the tail of the iceberg!

The movie screen shows a swirling time tunnel.

Slappy’s Friend (on screen): Wow! When are we?

Flashback: D.W. talks to her parents in the kitchen.

D.W.: But all I'm asking for is one little kitten!

Mr. Read: Sorry, D.W., we already got a dog for Arthur and one pet is enough.

On a table are a picture of Arthur smiling with Pal beside him and one of D.W. looking grumpy.

Flashback: Mrs. Read puts one of Arthur’s jackets on D.W.

D.W.: But it's a boy's jacket!

Mrs. Read: No one can tell, D.W. Arthur's old one will do you just fine.

Flashback: D.W. does a fingerpainting in preschool.

Miss Morgan: Ah, that's nice, D.W. Oh, but I remember the fingerpainting Arthur made when he was in preschool! He was such an instinctive finger painter!

D.W.: (sighs)

She slumps over her painting.

The flashbacks end.

Arthur: D.W., shh! We’re trying to watch the movie. And you’re not supposed to do the intro anyway. It’s my show!

He makes a cut-throat gesture at the camera.

D.W.: Wait! I’m not finished yet! The screen goes black. Older brothers!

Title Card: Shower

The third-graders leave the movie theater. D.W. follows a few steps behind.

Muffy: But my favorite part was where Principal Crabcake fell headfirst into the dumpster!

Buster: "I'll get you, Slappy Blackhead!"

Kids: (laugh)

D.W.: I don't get it. Why did the principal guy fall in the garbage?

Francine: Because Slappy Blackhead went back in time to change history so that he would.

D.W.: Why would he do that?

Arthur: Because Principal Crabcake was uncool. He wouldn't let Slappy play his boombox in the cafeteria.

D.W.: So he went back in time just to make him fall in garbage?

Arthur: Well, yeah. It's funny!

***

At night, Mrs. Read tucks D.W. in.

D.W.: And then Arthur made us go to Sloopy Bloopy's Time Machine instead! Just 'cause he was older and I had to do what he said!

Mrs. Read: I know, D.W.! We’ve spoken to Arthur, and, believe me, he won't be going to movies for quite some time.

She turns off the light.

D.W.: Why didn't you have me born first instead of Arthur so that I was the older one and I could make him do things?

Mrs. Read: Sorry, honey! That's just the way things worked out. She blows D.W. a kiss and leaves. ‘Night.

***

In her dream (which lasts for most of the rest of the episode), D.W. is woken by Nadine.

Nadine: D.W.? D.W.? Wake up!

D.W.: Huh?

Nadine: Look what I made!

A tricycle with a Mary Moo Cow alarm clock attached to it appears.

D.W.: A bike that tells time?

Nadine: No, a time machine! All it needs is this radioactive Play-Doh and we can go back in time to make Arthur fall in garbage!

She inserts a glowing substance into the clock.

D.W.: Really?

She imagines Arthur falling.

Arthur: I'll get you, D.W. Read!

He falls into a dumpster.

The fantasy ends. D.W. smiles.

D.W.: Actually, only older brothers are mean enough to do that!

Nadine: Oh...yeah...

D.W.: But wait! Could we go back and make me born before Arthur?

Nadine: That's a great idea!

D.W. sits in front of Nadine and pedals. The hands of the clock start spinning.

D.W.: Back in time, here we come!

***

The tricycle appears flying over the mall’s parking lot. Cinema 8, advertising Slappy Blackhead, is in the back. The cars in the lot are from all time periods starting with covered wagons.

D.W.: A parking lot? What are we doing here?

Nadine: You'll see.

D.W.: Wow! Everything was so different back in time! A horse pulls the Reads’ car with D.W.’s parents inside. It's Mom and Dad!

Nadine and D.W. land between the cars.

Nadine: You don't have to hide. They don't know who you are yet. It's before you or Arthur were born.

The Reads walk through the mall. Mr. Read is dressed like a cowboy, Mrs. Read like a medieval princess. They pass a pirate and come to a baby store. When they enter the store, D.W. is already in it. The salesman looks suspicious.

Nadine: Quick, D.W., hide!

D.W.: But I thought I didn't have to!

Nadine: You do now!

Salesman: Have, er, any children followed you?

The salesman pulls a baby mobile and a door opens. He and the parents walk through a huge warehouse with shelves labelled "girls" and "boys".

D.W.: What's this place?

Nadine: It's where moms and dads buy babies.

Salesman: So, what kind of baby where you looking for?

Mrs. Read: We’d like an adorable little girl to be our first child, preferably one who is partial to pink jumpers and unicorns.

D.W. and Nadine smile, hidden behind a shelf.

Salesman: Little girls are all very well and good, ma’am, but if you’re looking to save some money, we currently have a terrific sale on baby boys.

D.W.+Nadine: (gasp)

Salesman: In fact, you can’t get a better deal than this one. Fifty percent off.

He shows a separate basket with baby Arthur, who immediately starts crying.

D.W.: I knew there was a reason they had Arthur first.

Mrs. Read approaches the basket.

Baby Arthur: (burps)

A green cloud comes out of the basket.

Mr. Read: Er, we really did want a girl and this baby looks broken. Baby Arthur pulls his moustache. Aah!

He steps backwards and bumps into a shelf.

Warehouse Worker: Huh? Oo! He catches several baskets which fall off the shelf. Oh!

The salesman wipes his forehead.

Salesman: You know what...?

Baby Arthur: (burps)

Salesman: He's free! He gives Mrs. Read the basket. And just to show you we care, we'll throw in a free TV, trampoline, and a year's supply of ice cream.

He puts those things in a shopping cart.

D.W.: We’re too late! They took Arthur first again!

Nadine: No, we’re not. We just go back in time.

D.W. pedals.

***

The tricycle appears over the Reads’ car as it drives into the parking lot.

D.W.+Nadine: (laugh)

The scene cuts to the warehouse.

Salesman: So, what kind of baby where you looking for?

D.W. stands on Nadine’s shoulders wearing a salesperson’s suit.

D.W. (deep voice): A-hem! You have an important phone call, you! I'll take care of them. Come with me. I have just the baby for you.

She leads the Reads to a small table around which several grown-ups are gathered.

Crowd: Oh… Ah…

D.W. (deep voice): As you can see, it's our most popular. Please, folks, please! I’m afraid this couple was first. They, er, placed a phone order.

Crowd: Aw!

An about one-year old D.W, sits on the presentation table.

Baby D.W.: (coos)

The parents look delighted.

D.W. and Nadine follow the parents as they take baby D.W. home.

D.W.: We did it! Now I'll be the oldest! Hey! Can we go into the future and see how I turn out?

Nadine: Start pedaling!

***

In the Reads’ living room, Miss Morgan shows the parents a fingerpainting of trees and a sun. Four-year old Alternate D.W. sits between her parents with a kitten on her lap.

Miss Morgan: This fingerpainting is the most instinctive finger painting I have ever seen! D.W. is a genius!

Mrs. Read: Tell us something we don't know!

Mr. Read: D.W., that deserves a reward! Why don’t you go buy yourself a pony to go with your kitten!

He hands her a basket full of money. The time-traveling D.W. and Nadine look through the window.

Mrs. Read: And see some movies all by yourself, while you’re at it.

Alternate D.W. leaves.

Miss Morgan: You know, D.W. is so amazing. Did you ever think of having another child?

Mrs. Read: Well, that’s just it. D.W. is so perfect, there doesn’t seem to be any point to having another one.

D.W. looks sad.

Nadine: What? Aren’t you happy?

D.W.: I guess I should be, but I feel bad for Arthur. If Mom and Dad don’t take him, who will?

Baby Arthur lies in a storage closet. The door opens and D.W. and Nadine come in.

Baby Arthur: (burps, giggles)

***

D.W. rings the Reads' doorbell. The parents look out and see Baby Arthur in his basket.

Mrs. Read: Oh, dear! Someone's left us a broken baby!

Baby Arthur: (cries)

Alternate D.W. appears behind them riding a horse.

Alternate D.W.: Maybe you should take him, he looks so sad. And you could get a considerable charity deduction on your taxes.

Mrs. Read: Oh, D.W., you're so thoughtful! Of course, you're right.

Mr. Read blows dust off the basket and takes it inside. D.W. watches from the tricycle.

D.W.: Let's see how it turns out!

The tricycle disappears.

***

About three years later, an older Alternate D.W. shows a flipchart to Alternate Arthur (about three), a pig, and a cat. A monkey, a horse, and a cockatoo are also in the room.

Alternate Arthur: Unicorns – good. Snakes and spiders - bad.

Alternate D.W.: Excellent!

She gives him a cookie.

A crowd of people with Mary Moo Cow signs is protesting outside a government building. D.W. is sitting on her horse.

Crowd: Mary Moo Cow for President! Mary Moo Cow for President!

D.W. gives Arthur another cookie.

Alternate Arthur: Can we go to “Doll Story 2” now?

D.W.: Good job, Nadine. It’s even better than I hoped.

Alternate Arthur: I want another cookie!

He jumps on his Mary Moo Cow sign.

Alternate D.W.: But, Arthur, that was my last one!

Alternate Arthur: I want another cookie!

He throws his glasses up the building’s front steps.

D.W.: Uh-oh!

***

Alternate D.W. and Arthur have returned home.

Alternate Arthur: D.W. smashed my glasses.

Mr.+Mrs. Read: D.W.!

Alternate D.W.: But he's lying!

Mrs. Read: D.W., older sisters have to be nice to baby brothers, and especially nice when they're broken!

Alternate Arthur smiles triumphantly.

Alternate Arthur: I wanna go see Sloopy Bloopy!

Mr. Read: No, Arthur, you're too little. D.W., take him to the movies!

Mrs. Read: And buy him some new glasses, while you’re at it!

Alternate D.W. opens the door. Her animals are standing outside with the tricycle.

***

Alternate D.W. and Alternate Arthur walk down a street. Time-traveling D.W. and Nadine fly above her.

Alternate Arthur: Sloopy Bloopy! Sloopy Bloopy! Sloopy Bloopy!

Alternate D.W.: But before, you said you wanted to see “Doll Story 2”!

Alternate Arthur: You had cookies then! They pass the clocktower. We're gonna miss the movie! Hurry up!

He starts running.

Alternate D.W.: Okay, okay! We'll take the short cut.

They crawl through the fence and run in circles through the park.

Alternate Arthur: Do you know where we're going?

Alternate D.W.: I think so. I mean...well...

They come to a wall.

Alternate Arthur: You're lost! (cries)

Alternate D.W.: Shh!

Time-traveling D.W. looks out of the bushes while Alternate Arthur tries to calm her little brother.

Alternate D.W.: I'm sure I can find the way! I'm the older one!

D.W.: We should help them.

Nadine: Do you know the way out?

D.W.: Well... I don't know... Arthur showed me once, but...

She looks around. A songbird turns into a crow while a snake curls around a tree trunk.

D.W: I know! Let's go back in time and keep them from going this way!

Alternate Arthur: Neat tricycle!

Alternate Arthur rides past them on the tricycle.

D.W.+Nadine: No!

The tricycle vanishes. Alternate D.W. walks up to them.

Alternate D.W.: Who are you?

D.W.: You.

Alternate D.W.: Nadine!

An older Nadine appears beside her.

Alternate Nadine: Don't look at me! I don't know what's going on either!

Alternate D.W.: D-do you know the way out of here?

D.W.: N-no...

D.W.s+Nadines: Help! Somebody help!

D.W.: I don’t like being the oldest one anymore. It’s good to have someone older to help you.

She starts crying.

Nadine: I wish you’d thought of that before.

D.W.+Nadine: Help! We’re lost! Help us!

***

The dream ends. D.W. tosses in bed.

D.W.: We’re lost! Help!

Arthur stands in the door.

Arthur: D.W., are you okay?

D.W.: Arthur? Is that you? Oh good, you’re not that broken baby from the baby store anymore.

Arthur: D.W., you know babies don’t come from stores. Remember when Kate was born? Mom and Dad explained it to you.

D.W.: Oh, right. So it was just a terrible nightmare.

Arthur hands her a Crazy Bus toy and Mary Moo Cow.

Arthur: Here, will those make you feel better? I know I don’t have nightmares so much when I sleep with my Bionic Bunny.

He tucks her in.

D.W.: Arthur, I’m glad you’re my older brother.

Arthur: Me too. Goodnight, D.W.

He leaves.

***

A little later D.W. comes into Arthur’s room.

D.W.: Arthur?

Arthur: Hm?

She climbs into bed with him, holding the Mary Moo Cow doll.

D.W.: Goodnight, Arthur.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.