Introduction[]
Arthur comes down the stairs in a “Leave it to Beaver”-like version of the Read home.
Arthur: It's really nice when you have a perfect family.
Mrs. Read: Here you go, son. A nutritious lunch all neatly packed for you.
Arthur: Gee whiz. Thanks, mother.
Mr. Read: Son, would you like a ride to school?
Arthur: Golly, father, thanks a million.
The doorbell rings. Outside are Francine and Brain in '50s-style clothes. Francine is wearing a dress.
Francine+Brain: Hello, Mrs. Read. Hello, Mr. Read.
Mr.+Mrs. Read: Hi, kids!
Francine: Arthur, are you ready? We've never ever been late for school, and we don't wanna break a perfect record.
Arthur: I'll be right there. You see, my life is just about perfect. Except for one little thing.
The camera starts shaking.
Arthur: Can you guess?
Kids: (scream)
Francine and Brain flee as a giant D.W. breaks open the front door.
D.W.: (In addition to a monstrous echo voice) Where's my breakfast?!
Everybody runs from the house.
D.W.: Come back here! I'm hungry!
She starts destroying the neighborhood like Godzilla.
People: (scream)
D.W. reaches for the camera and the screen goes black.
Title Card: Family Photo[]
Arthur sits at the real breakfast table, talking to the viewers.
Arthur: Okay, okay, so I'm slightly exaggerating.
D.W. pours herself cereal.
D.W.: These corn puffs are soggy! I won't eat them!
Arthur: But only slightly.
D.W.: You can't make me! And I'm not going to preschool either! I'm sick of preschool. I'll do what I want! Do you hear me? Do you?!
***
Arthur is asleep at a table in the Sugar Bowl. Francine is passing out invitations to Brain and Binky.
Francine: One for you. And one for you. And Arthur... Wake up!
Arthur: Hmm?
Francine: I'm inviting you to my birthday party.
Arthur: I'm sorry. I can't go. I'm too tired.
Francine: The party's not for two more weeks. You'll have plenty of time to sleep.
Arthur: Wanna bet? D.W.'s gone absolute nuts! Last night she wouldn't stop screaming!
Flashback: Mr. Read helps D.W. into her nightshirt.
D.W.: You're just making me go to bed because you don't want me around! You don't love me! You wish I wasn't even born!
Mr. Read kisses her.
Mr. Read: Sleep tight, D.W.
He turns off light and leaves.
Mr. Read: Let's hope you feel better in the morning.
D.W. follows him and opens the door again.
D.W.: I won't feel better in the morning! Slams door. I won't, I won't, I won't!! Slams door. I won't!!
Slams door.
The flashback ends.
Arthur: She did that all night long. What if she never lets me go to sleep again?
Brain: Actually, that would be a very interesting experiment. We could show your deterioration and then when your brain starts to shut down...
Francine: Arthur, why don't you ask her what's wrong?
Arthur: Why don't you ask her?
Francine: Okay, I will.
***
That evening, Francine has dinner with the Reads. Mrs. Read serves French fries.
Francine: Thanks, Mrs. Read.
Mrs. Read: My pleasure.
D.W. grabs French fries and eats two handfuls at once.
D.W.: (eats noisily)
Mrs. Read: D.W., one at a time!
D.W.: You're always picking on me! You never pick on anyone else! Only me, me, me!!
Mrs. Read: You know that's not true, D.W. Everybody has to eat politely and that includes you.
D.W.: That does not include me! You never include me! You always make me stay home whenever there's anything fun! Only Arthur gets to have fun! Only Arthur...
Francine: D.W., can I ask you a question?
D.W.: Maybe.
Francine: What's the matter with you?
D.W.: (gasps, sobs)
She runs out of the room.
Francine+Mrs. Read: (sigh)
Arthur: (sarcastically) That was great. You really solved the problem.
Francine: I didn't think she'd get so upset.
Mr. Read: It's not your fault, Francine.
Francine: May I be excused?
***
Francine walks up the stairs and into D.W.’s room where D.W. is crying on her bed.
D.W.: (cries)
Francine: I'm sorry, D.W. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but you really are being a total doofus. If you know what I mean.
D.W.: Who asked you? (sobs) You don't even live here.
Francine: Well, nobody asked me. But I'm Arthur's friend. When something's bugging him, I wanna help.
D.W.: You know what, Francine?
Francine: What?
D.W.: Go... go... Oh. I'm too tired to think of any more mean things to say.
***
The next day, Arthur, Brain and Francine stand in the lunch line at school.
Brain: So did Francine figure out what's wrong with D.W.?
Arthur: No, it only made her worse. Last night she slammed so many doors, I thought we'd get arrested!
He imagines a TV show called “Tantrum 911”.
Announcer: Join us for another nerve-wracking half-hour of Temper Tantrum Patrol Squad!
A couple of police cars race through town.
The police drive up to a playground outside of a school where group of preschool children are crying in a park while their parents stand around them.
Preschoolers: (cry)
A while later, the preschoolers are lined up in a police station.
Two police cars and a helicopter come to the Read house at night. Mr. Read opens holding Kate.
Mr. Read: Thank heavens you're here! Upstairs, and to the right.
Three policemen run up the stairs, past Arthur and into D.W.’s room. D.W. is sitting on her bed.
Policeman: You have the right to remain silent!
D.W.: I will not be silent! I'll be as loud as I want! A-and you can't stop me! No one can stop me! Who made you the boss of the world?!
Policeman: (into walkie-talkie:) We need backup, fast!
The fantasy ends. Binky joins Brain, Arthur and Francine at a table.
Binky: Cool. When is that gonna be on?
Brain and Arthur give him odd looks.
Francine: You know what? I think D.W.'s being a pain because she's upset about something.
Arthur: What does D.W. have to be upset about? She's only four years old!
Binky: Yeah. It's not like she's a third-grader!
Francine: It might sound weird, but something's bothering her, and it's up to us to get to the bottom of it. Starting today!
Brain: But we have soccer practice today.
Francine: Starting tomorrow!
Brain: Gee, I'd love to, but I have to clean the garage.
Binky: And I have to, er... I have to do... clean our garage too! Yeah, ha, wow. What a coincidence.
Arthur: Thanks a lot, guys.
Binky: Anytime.
***
Arthur and Francine lie in the treehouse. Arthur watches D.W. through binoculars. D.W. is eating a sandwich at a garden table while Pal watches.
Arthur: Subject in view.
Francine: What's she doing?
Arthur: She's eating her sandwich, she's making a face, she's spitting the baloney into her hand... She's throwing it into the bushes. Pal is eating the bal... Pal! Put that down!
Francine: Quiet! Spies don't yell.
Arthur: Sorry. I couldn't help it. Seeing Pal eats spit-covered baloney? Yuck!
Francine: Give me those! Where'd she go?
D.W. appears right in front of her looking angry.
Francine: Augh!
D.W.: I know what you're doing and it won't work!
***
That night, Arthur sits outside D.W.’s room in his pajamas using a walkie-talkie.
Arthur: She's not saying anything. And it's 10 o’clock and I'm tired!
Francine is lying on her bed.
Francine: Arthur, I'm telling you. Whatever it is, she'll say it in her sleep. You can't give up.
Arthur: Hm. Wait, this might be it!
D.W.: Oh. It's wrong. Something’s wrong.
Arthur: It's wrong. Something’s wrong.
D.W.: Because... because...
Arthur: Because…
D.W.: Because... (yelling): ARTHUR IS A DODOBRAIN!!!
Arthur: Because Arthur is a dodobrain.
Francine can be heard laughing.
Arthur: Stop laughing, Francine!
***
The next day, Arthur and Francine are hiding in the bushes outside D.W.’s preschool.
Arthur: This is it, Francine. If we can't figure out what's wrong with D.W. today, then I give up.
Francine: I'm telling you, Arthur, we're close. Then you can sleep. Wait, there she is.
D.W. comes out of the preschool. Just then, a group of girls walk in front of Arthur and Francine.
Lisa: So, first we'll go to the movie, and then we'll go back to my house so you can give me my presents!
A car stops. The other girls leave.
Lisa: Remember, Saturday at one o’clock!
Arthur: She's looking right at us!
Francine: Not us. Them.
***
Arthur and Francine walk into the Read kitchen. D.W. sits on the kitchen counter while her mom cooks.
Francine: Hey, D.W.!
D.W.: (smiling) Francine, can I ask you a question?
Francine: Sure. Anything.
D.W.: Why don't you go back to your own house and stop bothering us?!
Mrs. Read: D.W., this being rude to everybody has got to stop!
D.W.: Well, I know something that might make me feel better. I know I'd feel much better if I could see “Kwazy Kool Kittens: The Journey Home”. This Saturday at one o’clock.
Mrs. Read: You've seen that movie twice, D.W.
D.W.: Grrr!
Francine: How about if we take her? Arthur and I would love to go.
Arthur: (pants loudly)
***
Arthur, Francine and D.W. sit in the movie theater.
Arthur: Oh, how could you make me do this?!
Francine: You wanna find out what's wrong with D.W., right? Just hang on.
Arthur: You better be right. Even D.W. isn't having fun.
A group of preschool girls comes into the theater.
D.W.: (fake laugh)
Arthur: What are you doing?
D.W.: (ridiculous voice:) Having fun. Loads and loads of fun!
Lisa: Oh, hi, D.W.
D.W.: Hi, Lisa. I didn't know you'd be here. I'm here with my friends. And we're having lots of fun.
D.W.+Francine: (fake laugh)
D.W.: Because I have lots and lots of friends. I'm really popular. And I usually get invited to a lot of birthday parties.
Lisa: Oh, that's nice.
She and her friends whisper.
Girls: (whisper, giggle)
D.W. looks both scared and sad. The previews start.
Arthur: Well, maybe the previews will be interesting.
D.W.: I don't feel well. I wanna go home.
Arthur: D.W., we just got here! Wait a minute, what am I saying? Let's go!
***
Shortly afterwards, Arthur, Francine and D.W. walk through town.
Arthur: Great. We spent all that money and we still don't know what's wrong with her. Except she's driving me absolutely busalooey. And you know how much I hate that word?
Francine: Arthur, D.W. and I are gonna get some ice-cream. Why don't you go home?
Arthur: What?
Francine: I'm sorry, this is just for girls. See you later.
Arthur scratches his head.
***
Francine buys D.W. an ice-cream in the Sugar Bowl.
Francine: And so, it's kind of like you shouldn't ever feel left out, because you just might not be. Get it?
D.W.: No.
Francine: The point is, you shouldn't feel bad just because you didn't get invited to that birthday party.
D.W. looks surprised. They leave the Sugar Bowl.
D.W.: What birthday party?
Francine: Come on D.W. Those girls at the movie, that's what's been bugging you this whole week, right?
D.W.: Yeah, maybe. Francine, can you help me?
She starts crying.
Francine: Of course, D.W. Anything you say.
D.W.: Okay, ‘cause here is what I want. I wanna hire a balloon and...
In a fantasy, Lisa and her friends dance around a huge birthday cake in a yard.
Girls: Happy birthday, Lisa! (sing:) “La-la-la-la-la...” (gasp)
A large shadow falls on them. A blimp blocks the sun.
D.W.: (evil laugh) Time to rain their little parade! (evil laugh)
She pulls a lever and large showerheads come out of the blimp and rain on the birthday party.
Girls: (scream, cry)
All color drains from the picture and the cake collapses.
The fantasy ends. Francine and D.W. are sitting on a park bench.
Francine: That sounds kind of mean.
D.W.: Well, they were mean first.
Francine: Look. I know you feel left out. But maybe there wasn't enough room.
D.W.: Hey, whose side are you on anyway?
Francine: Is Lisa someone you play with a lot?
D.W.: Well, no. But, she's friends with my friend Emily. And she got to go to the party.
Francine: Everybody can't go to every party. But I think I have an idea that’ll make you feel much better.
D.W.: What? What?
She follows Francine.
***
The next morning, Arthur and D.W. sit at the breakfast table. Arthur goes through the mail.
Arthur: Hey, look at... It's for D.W.
D.W.: What? Really? It's for me? What is it?
She opens the letter and takes out a party invitation. Glitter falls out of it.
D.W.: Wow!
She gives it to her mom.
Mrs. Read: “Miss D.W. Read is invited...”
D.W.: I'm invited! I'm invited! I'm invited! To what?
Mrs. Read: “…to Francine's birthday party.”
D.W.: Yes!!
Arthur: What?! No way!
D.W.: This is better than Lisa's party! This is a third-grade party! Just wait till I tell them! Just wait!
She walks out. Arthur looks worried.
Mrs. Read: What a nice friend Francine is.
Arthur: Aww...