D.W. Tale Spins[]
Introduction[]
D.W. looks out of Arthur’s room wearing Arthur’s glasses and holding a stuffed toy caterpillar.
D.W.: (whistles) Hi. I'm Arthur. Duh! And this is my doggie-woggie, Pal. He's so smart. He does amazing tricks. Watch. She puts the caterpillar on the ground as Arthur comes in. Pal, sit! Lie down! She lets the caterpillar fall over. Good dog, Pal.
Arthur: I found my glasses, Mom! D.W. took them.
D.W.: I'm not D.W. I'm Arthur. Duh!
Arthur: Give me back my glasses!
D.W. walks backwards.
D.W.: Mom, I'm Arthur, and some tiny little thing happened, so right away I'm calling for help! Whoa!
She falls over a chair. The glasses fly through the air. Arthur catches them and puts them on.
Arthur: What were you doing?
D.W.: Proving that I could be Arthur. I can do anything you can do.
Arthur opens a book and shows it to her.
Arthur: Oh, yeah? I bet you can't do this: my math homework. D.W. looks down. Hah! I win!
D.W.: Aw, I sat on my dog. Aww.
Title Card: Super Sister[]
D.W. and Kate sit outside in the yard while Mrs. Read is watering the bushes. A frisbee falls in front of Kate and she chews on it.
D.W.: Throw it back. Like this, Kate. Kate keeps chewing. No! Try it again. I feel so alone sometimes. Pal licks her face. A dog touched my nose! Ugh!
Arthur and Buster come home from school.
Buster: Best book in the series is “The General”.
Arthur: Nah, I like “The Specific” better. And what about “The Random”? It was so unpredictable.
D.W.: What are you talking about?
Arthur: Nothing that would interest you. We’re talking about books.
D.W.: I like books.
Arthur and Buster go inside and close the door.
***
Arthur and Buster lay down on Arthur’s bed and read.
Arthur: Vegemorph books make the Scare-Your-Pants-Off books look like kids' stuff.
Buster: I just read the trilogy. Part one, then part one part two, and part one part three...
D.W. picks up a book.
Arthur: You can't read it, D.W. No pictures. D.W. flips through the book. (to Buster): Do you realize I found something I can do that D.W. can't force me to include her in on? This is probably the greatest moment of my life.
D.W.: I don't want to read those dumb books, anyway!
Arthur: Don't want to?? You can't read!
D.W.: I don't need to read. I can make up better stories than those.
Arthur: Oh, yeah?!
D.W.: Yeah!
Arthur: Oh, yeah?!
D.W.: Yeah!
Arthur: Oh yeah?! You think you can do better? Prove it! Write a story!
D.W.: Okay, I will!
Arthur: Oh, yeah?!
D.W.: Yeah! Buster packs his things.
Buster: Well, I'm outta here. This shows no sign of ending soon.
He leaves the room.
Arthur: Oh, yeah?!
D.W.: Yeah!!
***
In the living room Arthur hands D.W. a notebook and a pencil.
Arthur: There you go! Write your story!
D.W.: I'll show you! She picks up the pencil, then stops. I don't know how to write.
Arthur: If you can't write, you're wrong, right?
D.W. looks down.
***
D.W. is crying on Grandma Thora’s knee at her home.
D.W.: Then he laughed at me and said I didn't know how to write, which is true. Brothers are so mean.
Grandma Thora: I know what it's like. I had three older brothers.
They look at an old photograph. The brothers are about as old as Arthur and sticking out their tongues.
D.W.: I bet one Arthur is as bad as any three brothers. More cookies, please.
Grandma Thora hands D.W. a plate of cookies that was lying on the table right in front of her.
Grandma Thora: You know, D.W., you don't have to be able to write to tell stories.
D.W.: (with her mouth full): Mphmph?
Grandma Thora: A long time ago, stories weren't written down.
D.W.: They weren't?
A fantasy shows a family of prehistoric aardvarks (with long snouts and ears) gathered around a fire in a cave.
Old Caveman: (speaks caveman language)
Grandma Thora: Stories were told out loud.
D.W.: Like television?
Grandma Thora: No, these stories excited your imagination and filled you with wonder... The aardvark children look horrified, except for one boy who looks delighted. ...and when you heard a good story, you'd pass it on.
The boy tells the story in a village of fur huts.
Caveboy: (speaks caveman language)
Cavechildren: (gasp)
The fantasy ends.
Grandma Thora: It was done without computers or expensive equipment and without even writing them down.
D.W.: Hmm...
D.W. thinks.
***
Arthur and Buster are reading in the treehouse. D.W. comes in.
D.W.: I don't have to know how to write. I can tell a story out loud. That's how they used to do it.
Buster: Hm. She's right.
Arthur: Hey, you know what story you should tell? You should tell the story of how I got Pal...
D.W.: Nobody cares. This is my story. A long time ago, a brave warrior had travelled far away...
In their imagination a Greek ship sails on the ocean. D.W. stands on the bow with a helmet and spear. The crew are Nadine, Emily, Amanda, Liam, Timmy and Tommy.
D.W.: ...and she really wanted to get home bad. And this warrior was a queen named O-D.W.-eus. But the sea got made rough by Poseidon. Poseidon (Francine) rises out of the sea. He was really mad at the queen.
Poseidon creates a large wave.
Crew: Ahhh!
O-D.W.-eus: What did I do?
Poseidon lifts a blanket on the ship and reveals a winged unicorn.
D.W.: The queen sort of forgot she took Poseidon's prettiest unicorn.
Poseidon glares at O-D.W.-eus.
O-D.W.-eus: (laughs nervously) How did that get there? Poseidon takes the unicorn back. Why don't I get to have a unicorn? I'm a queen and everything. It's not fair!
Poseidon creates a big wave that pushes the ship forward.
Crew: Ahhh!
O-D.W.-eus: Ahhh! O-D.W.-eus holds the rudder. Woo-hoo! We're doing it! Poseidon's wave can't hurt us! She sees rocks in front of the ship. But big rocks can!
Crew: Ahhh!
The ship crashes. The crew are tossed on the beach.
***
In the morning O-D.W.-eus wakes up on the beach. The rest of the crew are standing or sitting around.
Tommy: We survived, but our queen is nutty.
D.W. hops on one foot and hits the side of her head.
O-D.W.-eus: Don't you hate it when you get water in your ear?
A stream of water and a crab come out of her ear.
Timmy: There's a good joke here about her being crabby. O-D.W.-eus glares at them. But I'm not saying it.
D.W.: The queen ordered her crew to help search the island to find a way home, because nothing was more important to any of them than going home.
***
O-D.W.-eus and the Tibbles walk past a lake with large moving flowers.
O-D.W.-eus: Man, am I hungry!
Tommy hands her a flower petal.
Tommy: Here, try these!
The Tibbles start eating.
D.W.: Just as the queen was about to eat the strange flowers...
The Tibbles’ eyes look strange.
Tommy: What's the big deal about going home, anyway?
Timmy: He's right. Why did we want to go home? And who are you?
D.W.: The weird plants they ate gave them am...amnee...am... It made them forget everything.
***
O-D.W.-eus runs back.
D.W.: The queen ran back to the beach, but she was too late. They'd all eaten the weirdo plants and now they didn't wanna go home or do anything worth doing.
The crew have built a TV set out of wood and sit in front of it.
O-D.W.-eus: Oh... this is bad.
Footsteps make the ground shake.
D.W.: Then it got worse. The queen found out that this was...
O-D.W.-eus: Ohh!
D.W.: Cyclops Island.
A huge one-eyed one-eared giant (Buster) looks down at her. He reaches out his hand.
***
Cyclops tosses the crew and O-D.W.-eus into his cave.
Crew: (scream)
Cyclops rolls a rock in front of the entrance.
D.W.: Cyclops brought them to his cave for lunch. And I mean for lunch. Because he'd eat anything. The cyclops takes a bite from a tree and a rock.
Tommy: We were going somewhere. The cyclops picks up the Tibbles. I wish I could remember where.
O-D.W.-eus: (gasps)
Cyclops swallows the Tibbles and pats his belly. The Tibbles sit in his stomach with half a tree and some rocks.
Timmy: Is this where we were going?
Tommy: Must be. Well, I'm going to take a nap. Travel always makes me tired.
D.W.: The queen had a smart plan to escape the Cyclops.
O-D.W.-eus climbs up the cave wall and jumps on the cyclops’ head. She ties his ear around his head, blindfolding him.
Cyclops: Hey, an eclipse!
O-D.W.-eus climbs down.
O-D.W.-eus: Hey, Cyclops! Everyone's squeezing out under the big boulder!
Cyclops: Arrgh! They won't get away!
He rolls the boulder away. The crew run through his legs. The cyclops pursues them.
D.W.: The queen and her crew got in Cyclops' row-boat, which was just the right size to be their ship. The crew row out to see. The still blindfolded cyclops throws rocks after them. Cyclops was too dumb to untie his ear, so he couldn't stop them.
Cyclops: I'm bad with knots, that's why I don't wear sneakers.
He holds up one foot wearing a sandal.
***
The crew row the boat. O-D.W.-eus finds one of cyclops socks. They use it as a sail.
D.W.: The queen reminded the crew that they had to go home, and they all said “Oh yeah” and remembered. But the way home was full of dangers, including the sirens who played music that hippotizes you so you'll crash your boat on their rocks.
Three women stand on a rock and sing.
Sirens: (sing:) “Crazy bus, crazy bus, riding on that crazy bus!”
O-D.W.-eus grabs the rudder.
O-D.W.-eus: That music! I must go to that music!
Emily: Don't go there, Queen! You'll crash the boat!
O-D.W.-eus: But it's so beautiful.
O-D.W.-eus is tied to the mast while the others wear earmuffs.
D.W.: They had to tie the queen to the mast until they passed the sirens' spellbinding song.
O-D.W.-eus: It's the most beautiful music I've ever heard.
Sirens: (sing:) “Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy bus!“
***
D.W.: But the worst danger was the last. They had to sail between a cranky monster and a swirlpool named Scylla and Charybdis.
Scylla is a six-headed Muffy, Charybdis is Arthur’s face formed by foam. O-D.W.-eus steers the ship.
Arthur: Hey, you can't say "whirlpool", but you can say those big names?
D.W.: Quiet, it's my story!
Scylla: Don't you even think about coming onto my property!
The ship glides into the whirlpool and is tossed around.
Charybdis: (laughs mockingly)
O-D.W.-eus climbs up the mast. As Scylla swipes some crew members off the boat, O-D.W.-eus unties the cyclops’ sock and it flies into one of Scylla’s faces.
Scylla: Augh! Somebody's old sock! (all heads together): How rude!
The ship glides past.
Crew: (cheer)
D.W.: They were happy. They got past all the monsters and they were almost home. But... Oh, yeah. They got hit by a thunderbolt before they got there.
A single black cloud flies above the ship. A bolt of lightning strikes and the ship disintegrates.
***
O-D.W.-eus washes ashore on a piece of plank.
D.W.: After so many years, the queen was finally home.
O-D.W.-eus: I made it! I'm home!
She runs up a stairway to a Greek house.
D.W.: The first thing she did was run to tell all her friends all about her adventures....
The story ends.
D.W.: ...because that's a good way to tell a story, by telling it like this. The end. Good story, huh?
Arthur: No. Nobody fought crime with mutant potato powers or anything. That just proves you can't make up a good story.
D.W.: No, it proves you don't know what's a good story. Grandma told me that story. It's called “The Odyssey”. It's from long ago and people still read it. I changed it a little to test you. Now I know, when you tell me I'm no good, you're probably just as wrong about that as you are about this.
She climbs down from the treehouse.
Arthur: Oh, what does she know? Buster?
Buster climbs after D.W.
Buster: Hey, D.W.! I liked that story. Would you tell me part of it again?
Arthur climbs after them.
Arthur: Tell the part about Charybdis. D.W. and Buster glare at him. Not that I really care.
D.W.: Okay, a long time ago, there was a warrior...
Arthur and Buster sit down by the tree.
Buster: Start with the cyclops. He's the best. He eats everything.
D.W.: The cyclops had only one eye, right in the middle of his face, and lived in a cave.
Buster: And he ate stuff.
D.W.: He ate everything.
Buster: (chuckles)