Introduction[]
Brain parks his bicycle in front of a scary-looking building. He looks at a note saying “13 Elm Street” and walks up to the house. Inside Francine, Muffy, Arthur and Buster are watching TV.
Brain: What scary movie are we watching?
Buster: “I Know What You Did Last Wednesday!”
Brain: I went to school, and then the library. So?
Buster: No, that's the name of the movie we’re watching!
Arthur: It's a sequel to "I Know What You Did Last Tuesday".
On the screen a woman is walking down a corridor lit by torches. She comes to a door.
Kids: (Don't open it!)
Brain looks bored.
Brain: (sighs) I know exactly what's going to happen! She'll open the door, a coat will fall on her, she'll laugh, turn around, and then see the ghost.
Buster: You've seen this movie?
Brain: No, but it's a horror movie. They're very predictable. Watch.
The woman opens the door.
Woman (on TV): Augh! A coat falls on her. She takes it off. (laughs)
A ghost appears behind her.
Ghost (on TV): Rinse!
Woman (on TV): Augh!
She runs away.
Brain: See?
Francine: This is boring now.
Muffy: I'll say! She turns off the TV. Watching a scary movie in a haunted house isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm taking my TV home! The light goes out.
Kids: (gasp)
Buster: I can't move! I'm too scared!
Brain: Calm down, everyone. I'll take care of it. I brought a flashlight.
Brain goes downstairs to a corridor that looks like the one in the movie, except the torches are not lit.
Brain: Wow! Looks like no-one's been in here for years! Oh, well, there must be a fuse box here somewhere. This is starting to look really familiar! But it's okay because there is no such thing as ghosts. Something cracks behind him. Who's there?! Come on, Alan, there's no such thing as ghosts, no such thing... no such thing... He comes to a door. No such thing... He opens the door. (gasps)
Title Card: Brain Swims[]
Lakewood plays baseball against Mighty Mountain. George strikes out. Brain rubs talcum powder on his hands.
Francine: It's the bottom of the Ninth with two outs. You're the only one who can save us from completely humiliating ourselves.
Buster: Use this new bat.
Brain is up to bat.
Buster: You've got to spit on the bat!
Brain: Why would I do that? It's unhygienic!
The ball flies by.
Umpire: Strike One!
Buster: Just do it! It's lucky.
Brain: Spitting isn't lucky. It's just a good way to spread germs!
The ball flies by.
Umpire: Strike Two!
Lakewood Players: (Come on! Brain!)
Muffy: Just do it!
Brain gets a hit, but it bounces of a floodlight pole and is caught by a player.
Umpire: Three out! Mighty Mountain wins ten to nothing.
***
Brain, Arthur, Buster, Francine and Muffy walk home.
Brain: The lamppost was in the way. It had nothing to do with the fact that I didn't spit on the bat.
Arthur: But it's a tradition! Like smashing a champagne bottle against a new ship. All the pros do it.
Buster: Ah, it's not just the Brain's fault. I should've worn my lucky hat!
Francine: And I should've worn my lucky socks.
Brain: You guys! Luck had nothing to do with our losing! They were just better than us today!
They stop in front of the Powers’ ice-cream shop.
Muffy: Yeah...and luckier.
The kids, except Brain, walk on.
Buster is eating ice-cream in the Powers’ ice-cream shop. Brain shows him a book.
Brain: See, Buster? Since the dawn of civilization, people have always held superstitious beliefs. But No-one has ever proved one of these superstitions to be true.
Buster: (yawns) Okay! Can I have another ice cream?
***
Brain and Buster leave the shop. Buster is holding an ice-cream come. A black cat meows at it crosses their path.
Buster: Don't move! We have to go the other way! A black cat has crossed our path!
Brain: Buster, you haven't listened to a word I’ve been saying!
Buster: I listened. You said no-one's ever proved a superstition to be true. But that doesn't mean they aren't! Look! On the other side of the street Mr. Ratburn approaches a ladder with a pot of paint on top. I bet you, even Mr. Ratburn doesn't walk under that ladder! Mr. Ratburn stops, then walks around the ladder. See? He knows it's bad luck.
Brain: Oh, come on! It was just easier to walk around the ladder!
Buster: Maybe, but it was definitely luckier. And I can prove it: nothing fell on him!
Brain: That's a terrible argument! It's just reverse logic!
Buster: Call it what you want, but it's still the truth! He walks on and stops. Whoa! Almost stepped on a crack. That can break your mother's back, you know.
He jumps over the cracks.
Brain: It'll be dark before you get home!! This has got to stop!
***
Brain has set up a flipchart, a mirror and a ladder in the Powers’ driveway. Francine, Binky, Buster, Arthur and Muffy sit in front of him.
Brain: Thank you for all agreeing to come to my experiment.
Binky: Are you gonna blow something up?
Brain: Sorry, Binky. Nothing so dramatic. I'd like to draw your attention to exhibit A: the open ladder.
He walks under it twice.
Kids: (gasp)
Francine: What are you doing??
Brain: Exhibit B: the crack.
He dances on a sidewalk crack.
Kids: (Brain! Don't do it!)
Brain: And, finally, exhibit C: the mirror.
He takes it out of a box and drops it.
Kids: (gasp)
Arthur: Now you've done it! That's seven years' bad luck!
Brain goes to the flipchart.
Brain: It is my hypothesis that there is no such thing as bad luck. Over the next few days I will chart the bad things that happen to me. If there is no dramatic increase, I will have established with evidence that superstitions are false.
Francine: Aren't you even a little bit scared?
Brain: Why should I be? Science is on my side!
Thunder rumbles. It starts raining. The kids run away.
Kids: (I'm getting outta here!)
Brain: Oh, come on! I knew it was gonna rain! See? I even brought my umbrella.
He takes out an umbrella but the wind blows it away.
***
The Powers family are having dinner. Brain drops his knife.
Mrs. Powers: Oops. Dropped a knife! We’re going to get a male visitor.
Brain: Mom! You don't really believe that, do you?!
The doorbell rings.
Brain opens the door. Binky is standing outside in a raincoat.
Binky: I bet you don't know what ninety-six divided by twelve is!
Brain: Sure I do. It's eight.
Binky: Thanks. He writes the answer on a sheet of paper. How about the square root of sixty-four?
Brain: (sighs) Come on in, Binky.
***
Brain and Binky go up to Brain’s room.
Brain: I will help you a little, but you're never gonna learn anything if you always... (gasps) Where's my backpack? I put it right there. Aw. I must've left it at school!
Binky: Well, at least we can do our math! I've got questions and you've got answers!
***
That night, Brain lies in his bed. A drop of water falls on him.
Brain: Huh?
More drops fall from the ceiling.
Brain has put a bucket on his bed and a pillow and blanket on the carpet.
Brain: It's not bad luck. That roof always leaks when it rains really hard. I'm sure the storm will let up soon. Loud thunder. Brain pulls the blanket over his face. Aww.
***
The next morning Mrs. Powers pulls the blanket away.
Mrs. Powers: Alan, you'd better wake up, it's ten to nine.
Brain gets up and runs out of the room.
Brain: (gasps) I'm late! I'm late!
***
Brain runs into the garage and gets his bike.
Mrs. Powers: Alan! You forgot your lunch and your math homework!
Brain: Aha! If I was really having bad luck, I would have left those at home. He lays down his bike in the driveway and runs into the house. Meanwhile, his dad backs over the bike with the car. No!!
***
Brain runs to school. He jumps over a puddle but falls into another. He gets up and sees a dog looking at the lunchbox and the homework Brain dropped.
Brain: No! Not my homework! Take the lunch! The dog eats the homework and leaves. This can't be happening!
A crow steals the lunchbox.
***
Mr. Ratburn is writing math problems on the blackboard when Brain comes in looking muddy.
Mr. Ratburn: Nice of you to join us, Alan. Please leave your homework here on the desk.
Brain: I don't have it. (sighs) A dog ate it.
Class: (gasp)
Brain sits down. Buster sadly shakes his head.
Francine: Cheer up, Brain. Only six years and three hundred and sixty-four days of bad luck to go!
***
Brain looks at his flipchart. The graph goes steeply upwards.
Brain: Mmm! This is statistically significant data. And with Friday the 13th just two days away, my luck could get even worse! I could have the worst luck in the history of the world!
In his imagination he walks along a street with a small cloud raining on him. A small dog barks and clings to his leg. A frisbee hits the back of his head.
Brain: Oof! Science, why have you forsaken me? A large crack forms in the street and he falls into it. Aaaahh!
***
Brain sits on Buster’s bed.
Brain: And so I thought I'd come to you, Buster. Because you have non-scientific stuff down to a... em, science! And what with tomorrow being Friday the 13th...
Buster: Say no more! You've come to the right place! He takes a big bag. We just have to undo your bad luck with goof luck! First, you want salt. Whenever something bad happens, break it open and toss it over your left shoulder. Er, take the whole box. You'll need it. He puts a box of salt packets into the bag. Next, horseshoes. He looks at several horseshoes hanging in his closet. Mmm... I think a couple of Clydesdales should do the trick! He puts two large horseshoes into the bag. Some four-leaf clovers... He takes some out of a shoebox. And last but not least, my lucky hat.
He puts on a fool’s cap with bells.
Brain: What's so lucky about it?
Buster: Once when I was wearing this hat, everyone I knew gave me a present.
Brain: That was your birthday, Buster.
Buster: Hm, that may have had something to do with it. Anyway, it's still lucky. He puts the cap on Brain. You're all set.
***
Brain wears the cap and carries the bag as he hops over sidewalk cracks on his way home.
Brain: Phew! He comes into the house and sees his mom lying on the couch. Mom, what's wrong?
Mrs. Powers: Ah, I pulled my back out at the gym. Nice hat, dear!
Brain: The charms aren't working! Thunder and lightning. That's it! I'm not leaving the house tomorrow!
***
Lakewood plays baseball against Mighty Mountain again. The score is 2-7 in the sixth inning. George is up to bat.
Umpire: Strike Three! Two out!
Francine: We're getting creamed again! Where is he??
Arthur: He must be sick. He wasn't in school today.
Francine: He better be sick. Muffy, do you have a phone?
Muffy takes out two cellphones.
Muffy: Pink or yellow?
Brain is sitting on the couch at home when the phone rings.
Brain: Hello? Hi, Francine. What's the score? Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. No, actually, I'm not sick, but I thought I should stay home today, because it's Friday the 13th and... I'm sorry, but I just can't risk it! He hangs up. When he opens his book again, he gets a paper cut. Ow! Oh, I can't even read a book!
***
At the baseball game the score is now 6-9 in the ninth inning.
Lakewood Players: (chatter)
Binky: Bring me home!
Muffy is up to bat.
Muffy: (grunts)
Umpire: Strike three!
Arthur: Maybe we should just give up!
Buster: Hey, guys! Look!
Brain comes running with his bag of lucky charms.
Francine: I thought you didn't want to risk it!
Brain: I realized that, no matter where I am, I'll still have rotten luck, so I thought I might as well play.
He spits on the bat.
Brain gets a hit. He gets his bag and starts running.
Lakewood Players: (cheer)
Brain makes an in-the-park homerun.
Umpire: Lakewood wins ten two nine!
Lakewood Players: (cheer)
The other players hug Brain.
***
Brain, Buster, Arthur and Francine walk home.
Buster: I figured there are going to be about a hundred and fifty Friday the 13ths in my lifetime. I couldn't spend all of them hiding at home.
Arthur: Well, now I know how to break seven years' bad luck, I just have to get a grand slam!
Buster: Hey, can I have my charms back? You probably won't need them for a while.
Brain: Sure.
Brain gives Buster the bag and he pulls out a white sport jersey.
Buster: What did you do to my lucky hat?
Brain: Wait! These are my mom's gym clothes! I took the wrong bag. You know what that means? I've proved my hypothesis! Superstitions really are false!
Buster: No, you haven't! The only thing you proved is these are very lucky gym clothes!
The other crowd around the bag.
Francine: I'm gonna look at this pair of socks.
Arthur: Can I borrow the lucky sweatband?
Buster: I call the lucky deodorant!
Brain: Well, if you can't beat them, join them!
He follows the others while jumping over cracks.