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Kidonia Title Card

Introduction[]

The door of the oval office opens. Arthur sits at the president’s desk while a butler brings him a tray with a silver cover.

Arthur: Wouldn't it be great to have your own country? You could eat whatever you wanted.

The butler uncovers an ice-cream sundae.

Arthur: You could play whenever you felt like it.

The butler uncovers another tray with a toy airplane and a remote control. Arthur makes the plane fly through the room and offscreen.

Arthur: (gasps) A crash is heard. You can even do all of those things your parents tell you not to do.

Arthur stands in front of a huge tray with a silver cover. The butler presses a button, and a giant mechanical hand removes the tray to reveal a bed. Arthur jumps on it in his shoes.

Arthur: (laughs, whoops)

Butler: The citizenry awaits to your greatness, Mr. President.

Arthur: (sighs) Okay.

Arthur walks onto the balcony to a speaker’s podium between two security guards.

Crowd: Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!

Arthur: But would it really be a country...

It is revealed that Arthur is facing empty seats. The shouting is coming from a tape recorder.

Crowd: Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur! Arthur!

The butler switches it off.

Arthur: ...if you were the only citizen?

Title Card: The kids hail Kidonia at the ballpark[]

Mr. Read pours himself coffee in the kitchen. Arthur runs in speaking very fast.

Arthur: Hey-Dad-going-to-the-park-with-some-friends-be-back-by-lunchtime.

Mr. Read: Wo-ho-ho, slow down! You were going to help me with the yard work. Remember?

Arthur: (groans)

***

Later, Arthur waters the plants outside while his dad plants flowers.

Arthur: Okay-shrubs-all-watered-I'll-be-back-in...

He grabs his mitt and tries to run off. Mrs. Read stands in the door.

Mrs. Read: Arthur, did you clean your room?

Arthur: (groans) He fiddles with his glasses. Um, it's clean. Kind of. Mrs. Read folds her arms. (groans)

He walks inside.

***

Later, Arthur puts the last toy in the shelf and picks up his mitt again.

Arthur: Huh, finally!

D.W. comes with a box.

D.W.: Arthur, you said you'll help me build the Fairy Mary Moo Cow Cookie Castle. Remember?

Arthur: Oh, yeah. Sorry, I don't have time. Maybe tomorrow.

D.W.: Mom, Arthur's breaking his promise!

Arthur: (groans)

***

Later, Arthur, Buster, Brain and Francine toss a ball to each other on the ballpark’s diamond.

Arthur: It was 500 pieces, not including the Fairy Mary Moo Cow Cookie Carriage!

Francine: At least you didn't have to empty the cat box... twice. Never feed your cat leftover Chinese food.

Brain: I spent my morning defragging my parents' hard drive.

Buster: I don't know what that is, but it sounds terrible. Why do parents make us do all these chores?

Arthur: It's like they don't want us to have fun. If I had my own country, it'd be against the law to give kids chores.

Francine: Too bad you can't have your own country.

Arthur: Why can't we?

Francine: Uh, because you can't just declare your independence and call yourself a country?

Brain: Actually, you can. There are a lot of tiny countries in the world. There's even one called SeaLand that's just a platform in the Atlantic Ocean.

Arthur steps on the pitcher’s mound, holds his mitted hand over his heart and holds up a baseball with the other hand.

Arthur: Friends, young people, classmates, by the power invested in... this baseball, I declare us all citizens of Kid... onia!

Kids: All hail Kidonia!

***

In the treehouse, Arthur puts a sticker in a self-made passport for himself, as does Buster.

Anthem: “Oh, Dear Kidonia, I pledge my loyalty! Where kids have broken the chains of parental tyranny! Where chores are no more, and fun is guaranteed! All Hail Kidonia, land where kids are free!”

During the anthem, Francine gets a blue piece of cloth from her apartment, while Brain gets hats from the ice-cream shop.

Arthur and Buster make a fence around the treehouse. Brain paints the hats and Francine paints a flag on the cloth.

In the treehouse, Brain and Francine unroll the flag. All four kids are wearing hats and salute.

***

Later, the kids sit in the treehouse with a flipchart.

Francine: Okay, we have a flag, a Latin slogan, a national anthem and traditional Kidonian hats. What now?

Brain: We should have a constitution, so people know what we stand for.

Arthur: Good idea! He writes on the flipchart. Here's something. “No Rules, No Laws, No Chores!” All in favor?

Brain+Buster+Francine: Aye!

Arthur: Any other ideas for the constitution?

They think.

Francine: That one covers all the ones I can think of.

Brain: It's brilliantly concise.

Buster: I think I'll put my socks on my ears.

He does.

Francine: Why?

Buster: Because I can! I love this country!

***

That evening, the Reads finish dinner.

Mr. Read: Arthur, will you help me clear?

Arthur: Sorry, Dad. I'm a citizen of Kidonia now and we don't do chores or follow any rules. It's in our constitution.

D.W.: Kidonia?! What's that?

Arthur: A new country I made with Buster, Brain and Francine. Here's my passport.

D.W. looks at the passport.

Mrs. Read: I see. Well, we have a tradition of this country. If you don't help clear, you don't get dessert!

Arthur: It goes against everything I believe in.

Mrs. Read: Huh?

Arthur: (groans) But I'll do it just this once.

He takes out his dish. D.W. has one piece of broccoli left on her plate.

D.W.: I have my own country too. D.W.-land. We're not allowed to eat broccoli.

Mrs. Read: Nice try, D.W.!

D.W. eats the broccoli.

***

That night, a split screen shows Arthur and Buster lying in their beds and talking on their walkie talkies.

Buster: It didn't work for me either! I told my mom that it was against my principles, but she still made me empty out of the food cabinet! All I have left now is Yamlet, Prince of Tubers.

Arthur: Life is so much better back home in Kidonia. Hey, why don't we spend the night there on Saturday?

Buster: That's a great idea! I'll bring snacks. Brain can bring ice cream. It'll be a national holiday! (yawns) Well, good night, Citizen Read.

Arthur: Good night, Citizen Baxter.

They hang up and Arthur goes to sleep.

***

Buster stands at the supermarket checkout with a trolley full of snacks. The supermarket clerk looks at an odd-looking bill.

Buster: It's Kidonian money! My friend Brain made it! See, it works like a coupon! Each bill is worth one favor. In this case, you get... He reads the back of the bill. “15 minutes of free advice.” Ask away, my friend. The cashier rips the bill in two. (gasps)

***

Buster reproachfully puts his Kidonian money on the ice-cream shop counter.

Brain: I never said you could use kiddies outside of Kidonia.

Buster: Then, what good are they? There's nothing to buy in Kidonia.

Francine comes in with a paper bag.

Francine: I'll sell you something. I was going to give them to you tonight at the sleepover, but you can have them now.

Buster: Air fresheners? What am I supposed to do with these?

Francine: Hang one on each ear! Your socks don't bother me when they're on your feet, but when they're on your head, they stink up the country!

Buster: Tough! Read the constitution! I can do whatever I want in Kidonia.

Francine: But those socks really smell!

Buster: Well, we'll just see what the High Court says about this tonight!

Francine: There is no High Court!

Buster: There is now! I just made it! Good day to you both!

He takes the Kidonian money and leaves.

***

On Saturday, Mrs. Read puts a “Paid” stamp on Arthur’s pass and gives it back to him.

Mr. Read: We hope to see you again, Mr. Read. Safe travels.

Arthur: Thank you. You have a beautiful country.

D.W.: You better send me a postcard!

***

Arthur walks up to the treehouse. He has a fantasy where the four kids sing the national anthem under a starry sky.

Kids: “All Hail Kidonia, land where kids are free!”

Arthur: Hey, let's stay up all night! You know why?

Kids: Because we can! Woo hoo! Yeah! Long live Kidonia! Yeah!

The fantasy ends. Francine comes down the tree with her sleeping bag.

Arthur: Huh? Where are you going?

Francine: Home! I mean my real home! I'm not living in a country where a quarter of the population behaves like pigs!

Buster looks out of the treehouse wearing socks on his ears.

Buster: You're just jealous because my ears are nice and warm!

Francine gives Arthur her hat.

Francine: I formally renounce my citizenship! Good luck! You're going to need it!

She leaves.

***

Later, the three boys sit around a single pretzel in the treehouse.

Buster: I would have brought more food, if a certain someone hadn't given me phony money.

Brain: It's not phony! Kiddies are worth something as long as you spend them in Kidonia. Here. I'll pay you for my share with the pretzel.

He hands Buster a bill and Buster reads the back.

Buster: “For a free word problem”?! Forget it!

Brain: That's a bargain! Do you know what hard it is to make one of those up?

Arthur: Why don't we just split the pretzel evenly three ways?

He tries to but ends up splitting it in four pieces.

Arthur: Um, that wasn't supposed to happen.

Each boy eats a piece.

Arthur: Who gets that piece?

Buster: We'll settle it the Kidonian way, through mind reading. Okay, who can guess what I'm thinking right now?

Brain: Mind reading is impossible! It goes against the laws of physics!

Buster: Maybe, but there are no laws here and that wasn't what I was thinking. Well?

Arthur: I have no idea! Aliens? Pizza? Aliens eating pizza.

Buster: (gasps) Aw. Well played, my friend, well played.

He gives Arthur the last piece of pretzel. Brain looks angry and leaves. Outside, he throws away his hat.

Arthur: Our population is dwindling.

Buster nods.

***

A while later, Arthur and Buster sit in the treehouse.

Arthur: I'm hungry. And chilly. Maybe having our own country wasn't such a good idea.

Buster: What do you mean? It's a great idea. Where else can you spill a whole bottle of apple juice and not get scolded by anyone?

Arthur notices an army of ants crawling on the spill.

Arthur: Is that why there are so many ants in here?

Buster: Could be.

Arthur: Well, why didn't you clean it up?

Buster: Because I didn't have to. Read the consti...

Arthur: I don't have to read the constitution! I wrote the constitution! And now I'm adding something to it! He writes. "He who spills something, cleans it up!”

Buster: You know, Kidonia used to be a place where a kid could do whatever he wanted. Now, it's just like everywhere else. Goodbye, Citizen Read! I'm moving to Baxtervania!

He throws down his hat and leaves.

Arthur: (groans)

***

Arthur walks into the kitchen with his sleeping bag looking sad.

Mrs. Read: Hi, honey. How are things back in Kidonia?

Arthur: Okay, I guess. Actually, there is no Kidonia anymore. Everyone left. Would it be okay if I... stayed here?

Mrs. Read: Of course, you can stay as long as you like, or, at least, until you turn 30. They hug. But you'll have to follow some rules and do some chores.

Arthur: Deal.

They shake hands.

Mrs. Read: Oh, and since D.W. couldn't have her own country, I allowed her to be head of security for this one.

Arthur: (gasps)

D.W. stands behind Arthur wearing her pajamas and a sailor’s cap. She is holding a flashlight.

D.W.: I'm going to have to see everything in these bags, sir. Passport please. If everything checks out, you'll be X-rayed, then Y-rayed and finally Q-rayed! Right this way please!

Arthur: Uh, is this going to take long?

D.W.: Very!

Arthur follows D.W.

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