"Kiss and Tell"[]
The introduction begins on a castle's balcony with D.W. as Juliet and Nadine as the nurse.
D.W.: O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
Nadine: Yes, milady. I didn't quite get that. Do you need something?
D.W.: No, I was just practicing my Middle English. I'm looking for Romeo. (shouts) Yo, Romeo! I haven't got all day, you know!
Prince Charming climbs up the ivy to the balcony.
Prince Charming: (groans) He falls off. Darn ivy!
D.W.: How long am I supposed to wait for this guy? I washed my hair, I cleaned my dress, and this is the thanks I get?
Nadine: I'm sure he'll be along any moment, milady.
D.W.: Here he comes! They run towards the ivy. The prince jumps onto the balcony. Hey! You're not Romeo!
Prince Charming: And you're not Rapunzel! Ah. Must have the wrong balcony. Sorry. He grabs a branch of ivy. It breaks and he falls. Ahh!
D.W.: Where's my Prince Charming?!!
Title Card: Fairy D.W. Turns Arthur into a Frog[]
D.W. visits Emily who tries on her new hat in front of a mirror.
Emily: (hums to herself) Isn't it trés charmant? [very charming]
D.W.: I think they wear those hats in Thunderdance.
Emily: Here, you can have my old beret.
D.W.: Thanks.
Emily: Look what else I bought in Paris. La Tour Des Vaches, the French version of Tower of Cows.
D.W.: Emily. I don't know how to stack French cows!
Emily: Pierre and I played it for three whole hours.
D.W.: Pee...who?
Emily: Pierre. I told you. My new French friend.
D.W.: Oh!
Emily: We also played tag along the Seine - that's a river – and hide-and-seek in the Louvre - that's a museum - and...
D.W.: Tommy Tibble and I did cannonballs in the pool for four whole hours, and this one time, (giggles) he got water up his nose!
Emily: D.W., I haven't even told you the best part yet. On my last night in France, Pierre kissed me.
D.W.: Ew! That's disgust... Oh, I get it! You dared him!
Emily: No, no, no - we were at the Luxembourg Gardens watching a marionette show. Just when the baker was about to hit the thief with a rolling pin, Pierre grabbed my hand, and then it just happened. She lies down on the bed. (sighs) It was the most magical moment in my whole life.
D.W.: The most magical moment in your whole life?! Come on! It was more magical than Elves on Ice?
Emily: Oh, yes! It was even more magical than Unicorns on Ice. I'm telling you, D.W., for that moment, I was a princess in a fairytale.
D.W.: I thought it was glass slippers that turned you into a princess.
Emily: A kiss does it much faster.
D.W.: I want a kiss, too! I want to be a princess.
Emily: Oh, D.W., you don't know the first thing about amour. [love]
D.W.: Oh, yeah? You'll see! I'll find a prince, and we'll have plenty of "smores"!
She leaves angrily but comes back to get the beret.
***
D.W. talk to Nadine in front of her house.
Nadine: But you've kissed lots of people, D.W.: your parents, Grandma Thora, even Arthur. How come you never turned into a princess before?
D.W.: It's not the same! Kissing a boy your own age is an entirely different kettle of worms!
Nadine: Why?
D.W.: You see, it's like this...
The Tibbles approach on the other side of the fence.
Timmy: Quit it!
Tommy: Ow! You quit it!
Timmy: Quit it!
Tommy: You quit...
D.W.: Then she got a kiss in France.
Tommy: Hey, there's D.W. She's talking to herself again.
They look through the fence. Nadine is invisible to them.
D.W.: I should be able to plant a kiss on one of them!
Timmy+Tommy: (gasp)
Tommy: Maybe she wants to kiss us!
Timmy: Maybe someone dared her to!
Tommy: No, er, she probably wants to get rid of her cooties!
Timmy: Dared!
Tommy: Cooties!
Timmy: Dared!
Tommy: Cooties!
They roll on the ground fighting. D.W. comes to the fence.
D.W.: Hey, guys, whatcha doing?
Timmy+Tommy: Agh-hhh-hhh!
Tommy: Let's get out of here!
They run away. Nadine appears beside D.W.
Nadine: You could kiss one of them.
D.W.: Ha-ha! Yeah, good one. No, I'll know when the right boy comes along.
***
At Elwood Community Preschool, Edwin, Sarah, and Lisa are counting with number models.
Mrs. Morgan: Excellent job counting, class! Now, what music should we listen to during naptime?
D.W. and Emily raise their hands.
Mrs. Morgan: D.W.?
D.W.: "Sweet Dreams with Mary Moo Cow"!
Mrs. Morgan: Emily?
Emily: "Alouette"! I brought a copy of it all the way here from France.
Mrs. Morgan: Let's have a vote. Who'd prefer D.W.'s suggestion?
D.W., Edwin, Lisa, Kyle, Lucy, and Amanda raise their hands.
Mrs. Morgan: And Emily's?
Emily, Sarah, Liam, the Tibbles, and Maryann raise their hands.
Mrs. Morgan: (counts the votes) Hmm! A tie. Oh wait! Here's James.
James enters the classroom through the door.
James: Sorry, Ms. Morgan. I was in the bathroom.
Mrs. Morgan: You got back just in time, James. What do you think? Should we listen to "Sweet Dreams with Mary Moo Cow" or "Alouette" during our nap?
James: Um, I think I like, um...
Emily taps on her "Alouette" CD case.
D.W.: (whispering) Cow... cow.
James: "Sweet Dreams with Mary Moo Cow."
Mrs. Morgan: Then "Mary Moo Cow" it is. All right class, let's get ready for our nap. Start gathering your pillows and blankets and spread out in the room so we can have some space.
D.W. waves at James, who looks away from her. After that, the scene cuts to D.W. making her bed.
D.W.: Yep, it won't be long now. Soon you won't be the only princess in this class.
Emily: What do you mean?
D.W.: (yawns) I'm going to kiss James.
Emily: But D.W., don't you know it only works if he kisses you? If you kiss him, something terrible might happen.
D.W. stares in worry at James, who is sleeping and snoring on his bed.
D.W.: Like what? (She notices that Emily has fallen asleep)
D.W. imagines herself giving James a kiss on the cheek, and him turning into a frog as a result, with James dropping his crayon as a result.
James: Hey! (ribbit) What did you do that for? (ribbit)
D.W.: I... I thought...
Mrs. Morgan: Young lady, did you just turn James into a frog? (sighs) I'll have to put him in with the others. We're going to need a new terrarium soon.
Mrs. Morgan puts James into a terrarium with several other frogs.
D.W.: Are all those frogs boys who got kissed?
Mrs. Morgan: Of course not, sweetie. Half of them are the girls who kissed the boys. They turn into frogs, too.
D.W. turns into a frog, still with her hair and ears and also being a darker color than the other frogs.
D.W.: Help! (ribbit) Help! (ribbit)
Mrs. Morgan puts D.W. into the terrarium.
James: Uh, are you gonna eat that fly?
The fly shows its tongue.
D.W.: Get me out of here! (ribbit)
James uses his frog tongue to catch the fly and eats it. The imagination sequence ends.
D.W.: (gasps) She looks at James, who is still sleeping and snoring on his bed.
***
Arthur is studying on his bed as D.W. comes in.
D.W.: Arthur, I need your help! What can you tell me about kissing?
Arthur: What!? Nothing!
D.W.: Come on, you must know something about the birds and the trees, like how can I get a boy to kiss me?
Arthur: I don't know. Ask Mom. I'm doing homework.
D.W.: Oh, you're no help! She sees a book with two kissing people lying on the ground. Aha! You do too know something about kissing! You have a book all about it!
Arthur: This is the story of Romeo and Juliet, D.W. It's based on a play by William Shakespeare. We're reading it in school.
D.W.: And? What's it about?
Arthur: (sighs) If I tell you, do you promise to leave me alone? D.W. nods. Okay, there's this boy named Romeo and this girl named Juliet, and their parents don't like each other, but they fall in love anyway and plan to run away together, but there's a misunderstanding and it all ends badly. The end.
D.W.: Where's the kissing part?
Arthur: Um, I think they kiss at a ball when they're in disguise.
D.W.: A disguise? Hmm.
***
D.W. is at the coatroom in preschool and is shown taking an orange scarf out of her backpack. James is then shown putting his backpack in his locker as D.W. approaches him in a disguise.
D.W.: (low voice) Hello. How do you do? I am, uh... Nora, but you can call me "N."
James: Is today show-and-tell? Oh, no, I forgot. I got to call my mom.
D.W.: Ooh.
***
D.W. is at the supermarket with her mom. They approach a food sampling table, and Nadine materializes.
D.W.: Arthur was no help at all. James probably just thinks I'm crazy now.
Nadine: (sighs) Looks like we're just going to have to figure out why boys kiss girls on our own.
A train whistle and a woman shouting "Help!" are heard from a set of TVs in the mall. The woman on TV is tied to railroad tracks as the train approaches her, but a man comes riding on a horse, unties her, and gets her off the tracks just before the train collides with her.
Woman: My hero! She hugs the man, and the sound of a kiss is heard from the TV afterwards as the camera cuts to D.W.'s face. D.W. and Nadine then look at each other as they get an idea.
***
James is playing in the sandbox at the playground while D.W. tries to spin the merry-go-round.
D.W.: (groans) Hey, Tommy, Timmy! Can you give me a hand with this?
Tommy: It's her!
Timmy: Stay away, stay away!
Tommy+Timmy: Aaah! They run away.
With some difficulty, D.W. spins the merry-go-round by herself and jumps on.
D.W.: James, James, help me! This thing is out of control! James hears her and comes running. (gasps) I think this is it! She purses her lips. James stops the merry-go-round and D.W. falls off. Whoa!
James picks up her handkerchief.
James: Here, you dropped your hanky. He leaves.
D.W.: Hm! Some hero!
***
At the Read house, Mrs. Read brings groceries from the supermarket while holding Kate, who is crying.
Mrs. Read: Ugh, you wouldn't believe the line at the supermarket. And poor Kate's so tired, she's been crying for a full hour.
Mr. Read takes Kate from Mrs. Read and he and Mrs. Read kiss, which gives D.W. an idea.
***
At preschool, while the other students are eating, D.W. has staged a "busy housewife"-act.
D.W.: Oh, you wouldn't believe the line at the sugar market. And Poopsie will just not stop crying.
D.W. trips and falls.
D.W.: That's it! What's the matter with you, anyway?
James: What do you mean?
D.W.: I've tried everything, and you still won't kiss me. What does a girl have to do? All I want is to be a princess like Emily. I don't think that's too much to ask, but I chose the one kid in the whole class who won't even notice me and now I...
James kisses her on the cheek.
James: Can I go now? I left my cookies on the radiator.
D.W.: Uh-huh. She feels her cheek. Hey, I'm still me!
***
After preschool, D.W. is in the coatroom.
Emily: D.W., James kissed you! He kissed you right on the cheek! Pierre only kissed me on the hand.
D.W.: Yeah.
Emily: You should have my new hat - you really earned it.
D.W.: Er, you keep it. I don't see what the big fuss is about. I'd much rather do cannonballs with the Tibbles. Hey, Tommy, Timmy, are you guys going to the pool?
Tommy: (gasps) Run, Timmy! Run!
They run out the door.
D.W.: Wait! Come back! What's with you two? Wait!
She runs after them.