In the ice-cream shop, Brain blends a smoothie while Muffy and Francine wait.
Francine: Muffy Crosswire has lots of good qualities. She's smart.
Brain hands the smoothie to Muffy.
Muffy: Thanks Brain. Keep a dollar and forty-cents for yourself. Normally, I never tip more than 18%, but Brain's smoothies are so good I round it up to 20%.
Muffy and Francine exit the shop.
Francine: She can be really kind.
Muffy: Oh, that poor woman.
An older lady is struggling with two grocery bags.
Muffy: Pardon me ma'am, but would you like some help carrying those bags?
The lady nods.
Muffy: Bailey!
Bailey runs to the woman and takes her groceries.
Francine stands outside Care to Ware looking at a dress.
Francine: And she always tells you exactly what she thinks.
Muffy: You weren't looking at that dress were you? Cause you could never pull that off.
Francine: I wasn't looking at any of them. I was just waiting for you.
Muffy: Oh. (chuckles) Sorry.
Francine: But there's one thing I will never, ever understand about Muffy.
Muffy: Hh! It's here, in Elwood City.
She looks at a poster in the shop window.
Muffy: The Little Miss Crocus contest. I'm gonna win... I have to win. Where do I sign up? Bailey!
She runs off.
Francine: Her love of beauty pageants. Yeugh!
~~~
Title Card: Beulah McInnerny plays the ukulele
~~~
A line of girls stands outside the theater. Muffy arrives with Francine.
Francine: I just don't get it. These contests are vapid, cheesy and shallow.
Muffy: (delighted:) I know.
Francine: So why are you entering it?
Muffy: Did you see the tiara in the poster? It's gorgeous! Besides, I've never won one before, and I've tried three times.
Flashback: A preschool-age Muffy stands on stage holding a bunch of daffodils.
Muffy (narrator): First, there was Little Miss Daffodil. I lost that because it was during my gap-tooth years.
Muffy smiles showing prominent gap teeth, similar to how she looked in season 1.
Announcer: And the crown goes to... Griselda Dorfman!
Muffy looks shocked, then sad.
Flashback: An elementary school-age Muffy stands on stage wearing a strawberry hat. There are hives on her left cheek.
Muffy (narrator): Then, there was Little Miss Strawberry. On the last day, I broke out into hives!
Announcer: And the crown goes to...
Muffy scratches her neck.
Announcer: ...Philomena Peckensmith!
Muffy looks shocked and sad again.
Flashback: Muffy stands on stage holding some aloe leaves.
Muffy (narrator): Finally, there was Little Miss Aloe.
Announcer: And the crown goes to... Blanka Rozak!
Muffy looks shocked and angrily throws the leaves on the ground.
Muffy (narrator): I still have no idea why I lost that one.
She walks off the stage without noticing that there is toilet paper stuck to her shoe.
The flashbacks end.
Muffy: But this time, I'm going to win and nothing's gonna stop me!
The girls walk into the theater.
~~~
Some time later, Muffy and Francine come out of the theater and see Jenna talking to Lydia.
Francine: Hey look, it's Lydia. I guess she signed up too.
Muffy: Oh, great! There goes my chances!
Francine: Why?
Muffy: Because she's in a wheelchair.
Francine: What does that have to do with anything?
Muffy: She'll get the sympathy vote! The judges will take one look at her and it'll all be over.
In her imagination, Lydia rolls on stage.
Judge #2: What a trooper, (sniffles) so brave.
Judge #1 nods.
Judge #3: I think we've made our decision.
She hands a piece of paper to the announcer.
Announcer: And this year's Little Miss Crocus is ... Lydia Fox!
Judge #1 hands Lydia crocuses. Muffy walks on the stage.
Muffy: But the contest has just started! You haven't even seen my act yet!
Judge #1: We don't need to. This is real beauty.
Lydia waves the flowers to the audience and Muffy looks angry.
The fantasy ends.
Francine: That's ridiculous.
Muffy: I know, and I bet it's too late to get my money back.
Lydia and Jenna see Muffy and Francine.
Lydia: Oh no, Muffy entered. Now I'll never win.
Jenna: Why not?
Lydia: Because she's rich.
In her imagination, Flossie the hairdresser is doing Muffy’s hair.
Lydia (narrator): She'll have a professional hair stylist, a dress that costs a bazillion dollars.
Muffy stands on stage holding a large hoop.
Lydia (narrator): And, I bet she hires a circus performer, to teach her an amazing act.
The hoop lights on fire and a rhinoceros jumps through it. The audience claps and Muffy takes a bow.
Lydia (narrator): And if that doesn't work, she can always just bribe the judges.
Muffy walks past the judges’ table and drops three car keys in front of them.
Muffy: Oh my! Where did these keys to three brand new luxury sedans come from? Well, finders keepers!
The announcer is about to announce the winner. Muffy stands at the side of the stage while Lydia watches from the wings.
Announcer: And this years Little Miss Crocus is... Muffy Crosswire!
Muffy walks up to him excitedly while Lydia looks angry.
The fantasy ends.
Jenna: Just because Muffy has money is no guarantee that she's gonna win.
Lydia: You'll see. I'm a goner.
Muffy waves at her.
Muffy: Good luck, Lydia!
Lydia: You too, Muffy!
She waves back smiling. As soon as Muffy walks away, both she and Lydia look angry.
~~~
Francine and Muffy reach the gate of the Crosswire Mansion.
Francine: Did it ever occur to your that Lydia might win because she deserves to? She's smart, funny, and an amazing athlete.
Muffy: I know that, but beauty contests aren't about those things, they're about how you look. In the looks department, Lydia and I are equally adorable. So... who are the judges going to choose? The wheelchair gives her the edge.
Francine: How about this? Just quit!
Muffy: Hmm... That's a great idea!
Francine: You mean it? You'll really quit?
Muffy: Of course not. I'm gonna get Lydia to quit. Thanks Francine!
She runs through the gate.
~~~
That night, Muffy paces in her bedroom in her nightgown.
Muffy: So you see, Lydia, this contest is really important to me, and you'd probably only win because of your wheelchair. You wouldn't want that. So why don't you just skip this one?
She is talking to a doll in an armchair.
Muffy: Hm. Well, that didn't sound to bad, did it? I'm sure she'll listen to reason.
The doll falls over.
~~~
The next day, the show announcer leads the girls off the stage.
Announcer: Okay, contestants, I'll give you a tour of the green room.
Only Lydia, Muffy and a girl named Portia remain.
Muffy: (inhales) Okay, here goes nothing...
She walks over to Lydia and Portia.
Portia: And if you do win, it'll probably because you're in a wheelchair. You wouldn't want that. So maybe you should just drop out.
Muffy: Ooh, that did sound pretty bad.
Portia walks over to Muffy.
Portia: You should drop out too. I wouldn't wanna win just because my daddy had money. I'd never know if I was the prettiest girl or just the richest. I'm only thinking of you.
She walks away with a mean smile. Muffy brushes her shoulder and Lydia comes over to her.
Lydia: That was awful what she just said to you.
Muffy: Well, what about what she said to you? She's horrible!
Portia does a curtsy at the judge’s table.
Muffy: Look at her, trying to butter up the judges!
Lydia: Somebody should make sure she doesn't win this pageant.
Muffy: You're singing my song, sister!
Lydia: What if someone put glue in her hairspray?
In their imagination, Muffy replaces Portia’s hairspray while she is doing her face.
Portia: Lalalalala...
She sprays her hair and tries to comb it. The comb sticks to it and her hair suddenly stands on end.
Portia: Aah! My beautiful hair!
In another imagination, Portia waits in the wings for her act.
Muffy (narrator): Oh, or what if she had a little costume accident.
Muffy puts a hose down Portia’s dress. She gives Lydia a sign and she turns on a helium flask
Announcer: Our next contestant, the lovely Portia Demwiddy.
Portia walks on stage smiling and waving. Suddenly, her dress bulges out and she floats up like a balloon.
Portia: Augh! What's happening?!
The fantasies end.
Muffy+Lydia: (chuckle)
Muffy: But I guess we can't really do those things.
Lydia: No, it'd make us as big a bully as she is.
Muffy: We'll just have to beat her fair and square. What are you wearing for your gown?
~~~
In Muffy’s closet, Lydia holds a dress.
Lydia: I can't believe you're letting me borrow this.
Muffy: It's perfect for you. And when I finish with these rhinestones, your ride is gonna look amazing.
She starts decorating the wheelchair.
Lydia: I wish there was something I could help you with.
Muffy: Actually there is.
~~~
In Muffy’s room, Lydia shows Muffy how to twirl a baton.
Lydia: If you hold the baton a little more loosely between your thumb and forefinger, you'll get a much smoother twirl.
She hands the baton to Muffy, who twirls it.
Lydia: That's it. You got it.
The phone rings.
Muffy: Could you get that? I don't wanna stop.
Lydia: (disguised voice:) Good afternoon. Crosswire residence.
Francine is on the other end.
Francine: Who's this?
Lydia: Oh, hey, Francine, it's Lydia.
Francine looks shocked.
Francine: Is Muffy trying to get you to quit the pageant? Don't listen to her! You don't have an unfair advantage!
Lydia: What unfair advantage?
Muffy: Hh! Hhh!!
She drops the baton, runs over and grabs the phone.
Muffy: Oh, hey, Francine! Haha, you're so funny! You knew I was kidding. Bye,bye!
She hangs up. Lydia gives her a stern look. Muffy sits down on a couch.
Muffy: Okay, I thought you where shooing to win, because you're in a wheelchair. I was going to ask you to drop out, but then...
Lydia: Portia did it for you.
She folds her arms.
Muffy: And I heard how mean it sounded. I feel terrible for even thinking it.
Lydia: Well don't feel too bad. I was gonna ask you to quit because I thought you'd bribe the judges.
Muffy: You and I have a lot in common.
Lydia: (chuckles) Who knew? Come on, let's keep working on your act.
She hands Muffy the baton.
~~~
At the pageant, Beulah plays the ukulele wearing a grass skirt. The audience applauds and she exits the stage.
Announcer: Thank you, Beulah McInnerny, for that wonderful hula routine. Next up is Lydia Fox!
The curtain rises showing a stage decorated with basketball hoops. Lydia rolls to the front. Her wheelchair has been decorated and she is holding a basketball which she lets roll over her shoulders and then spins on her finger. Then she does a hook shot.
Audience: Oooh!
Lydia does another shot.
Audience: Ohh!
~~~
Muffy does a song and dance routine wearing a costume in red, white and blue. There are fireworks on stage.
Muffy: (sing:) “Yankee Doodle do or die. A real life nephew of my Uncle Sam, born on the 4th of July.”
~~~
The announcer announces the next contestant.
Announcer: And now, our final contestant: Miss Portia Demwiddy.
Portia does a dance routine in front of a night sky backdrop. A spotlight is focused on her
Lydia: ?????
While Portia is doing a split, the spotlight starts emitting sparks and goes out.
Portia: Where... where is my spotlight?!
Lydia: What?? Did you...?
Muffy: No, I swear. Did you?
Lydia: Uh-uh.
The lights go on and the announcer comes on stage.
Announcer: I'm sorry, Miss Demwiddy. There appear to be some technical difficulties. You'll have to complete the routine without it. Miss Portia Demwiddy!
Portia: I can't! I need my spotlight! This is unacceptable. I want someone fired!! (screams)
She rolls on the floor and bangs her fist. The announcer makes the cut-throat-gesture and the curtain comes down, blocking Portia from view.
Announcer: And that concludes the talent portion. The judges will now make their decision.
Judge #3: (whispers to #1)
Lydia: Well, that makes it a whole new ballgame.
Muffy: One of us might actually win this thing!
Announcer: And the third runner-up is Griselda Dorfman!
Muffy and Lydia stare.
Lydia: It's only a silly pageant. It's not like it means anything really.
Announcer: Second runner-up is....
Both girls look expectantly again.
Announcer: ...Philomena Peckensmith.
Lydia: And it's not about whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. And we did the best we...
Announcer: First runner-up is... Lydia Fox!
Lydia rolls on stage while Muffy claps with the rest of the audience.
Announcer: And... Muffy Crosswire!
Muffy: Ah, yes!! Where's that tiara. Momma's ready to get crowned!
She runs on stage and holds out her hat.
Announcer: Er, yes. Muffy Crosswire is also our first runner-up. We have a tie for first runner-up!
Muffy looks sheepish and walks over to the others.
Announcer: And the new Little Miss Crocus is...
~~~
After the pageant, Beulah is outside the theater with her parents, being hugged by her mom. Muffy and Lydia come out.
Muffy: Beulah McInnerny??
Lydia: I’m glad Beulah won. She doesn't look like a typical beauty pageant contestant.
Muffy: True. Actually, her ukulele playing was pretty great. Sorry about my little...
She makes a victory gesture.
Lydia: No biggie. Beauty contests are pretty ridiculous.
Muffy: (chuckles) I was just thinking the same thing. “Little Miss Crocus”?! What kind of name is that.
They go home. Bailey drives beside them in the limousine.
Lydia: Why doesn't anyone ever have a Little Miss Rocket Scientist pageant.
Muffy: Little Miss Wrinkle?
Lydia: Little Miss Algebra?
Muffy: Little Miss Quantum Physics?