Introduction[]
Francine cycles past Arthur and Buster who almost drop their ice-creams.
Francine: Hi! Can't stop! Going to Muffy!
Arthur: The most perfect best friends I know are Francine and Muffy.
Francine drives up to the Crosswire Mansion and leaves her bike outside.
Arthur (narrator): They're always happy for each other.
Muffy is admiring her shoes as Francine comes in with a letter.
Francine: I've got it!
Muffy: Ah! Hurray! Got what?
Francine: My acceptance for soccer camp.
Muffy: That's so great Francine.
Francine: You're my best friend, and I just had to come right here and tell you first.
Muffy: Something great happened to me to.
Francine: What?
Muffy: Lamé Woosel Shoes.
Francine: Oh, that's so great, Muffy.
Arthur (narrator): And they like to do everything together.
Muffy: We need to celebrate. What should we do?
Francine: Play soccer!
Muffy: (simultaneously) Go shopping!
In a thought bubble, Muffy imagines being taken off the soccer field on a stretcher. Francine imagines being taken out of a store on a stretcher while Muffy is still trying on clothes.
Francine+Muffy: That sounds great.
Arthur steps in front of the picture.
Arthur: I thought they were perfect best friends.
Title Card: Stampede[]
That evening at sunset, Francine and Muffy come out of Mill Creek Mall. Francine is holding a soccer ball, Muffy shopping bags.
Muffy: I think we made the perfect compromise. A few hours of shopping, a little soccer, and then back to my place for the annual QVC make-up and jewelry awards.
Francine: Yeah. It looks like we've got a whole half-hour of sunlight left.
Muffy: Well, that's perfect, Francine. This way we missed the heat of the day.
Francine looks disappointed.
***
On the soccer field, Francine is about to shoot.
Francine: Okay, Muffy, ready whenever you...
Muffy: Augh!!
Francine runs over to Muffy, who is standing in a goal made of two shopping bags.
Francine: What is it? A snake?
Muffy pulls one of her shoes out of the mud.
Muffy: It came right off my foot! There's a lawsuit in this somewhere.
She takes out a cellphone.
Muffy: Daddy? Shoe emergency, soccer field.
She hangs up.
Muffy: Maybe it's better if I let you practice alone, so I have some time to tell Cook what hors d’oeuvres to make for your party.
The Crosswire limousine’s horn beeps. Muffy hops over on one foot.
Muffy: It's going to be so much fun tonight.
Francine looks disappointed.
Francine: Aw...
She sits down on the ball which bursts.
Francine: Oh! Great.
A soccer ball comes flying at her.
Jenna: Oh, no! Watch out!
Francine heads the ball back to Jenna.
Francine: Oh. Hi, Jenna.
Jenna: Sorry. I got a little carried away with my kicking. It's hard when I have nobody to practice with.
She runs with the ball. Francine looks delighted.
***
Later at the Crosswire Mansion, Muffy watches eyes with big eyelashes on TV.
Muffy: Poor Francine. She's missed the award for best designer logo on a belt buckle. And now she's missing fake eyelashes.
The cook puts a cake on a table. A banner saying “Congratulations on Soccer Camp, Francine!” is hanging across the room. The doorbell rings.
Muffy: I'll get it!
She opens the door. Outside are Pickles the clown, a magician with a poodle and a strongman with a unicycle.
Muffy: Oh. It's just the entertainment. Come in.
The entertainers come in. Muffy picks up a phone. The quick dial buttons are labelled: Francine, Fire, Police, Ambulance, Hairdresser and Grandma.
Muffy: I wonder if she's sick.
In the Frenskys’ apartment, Catherine is lying on her bed talking on the phone.
Catherine: So he said, you're impossible. And then I said, you're impossible. And then he said, no, you're imposs... A beep. Just ignore the beeps. I hate call waiting. And I said, you're impossible.
Back at the Crosswire Mansion.
Muffy: Well, I'm just gonna keep redialing till I get through. Here.
She hands the phone to Pickles and leaves.
***
The next day, Muffy is outside the school entrance with Arthur and Buster.
Muffy: And the phone was busy all night, and she never came.
Arthur: Maybe she just doesn't care that much about make-up and jewelry.
Muffy: That couldn't be it. She's always done whatever I wanted before.
Buster: I know.
In his imagination, a flying saucer comes down over the soccer field and shoots a laser beam.
Buster (narrator): After you left the soccer field, a spaceship came down.
Muffy (narrator): Right. And they kidnapped Francine, I suppose.
Inside the ship, two aliens are using the laser beam to play tic-tac-toe on the soccer field. One alien upends a can of soda pop and it flows over the control panel.
Buster (narrator): No. Their laser beam malfunctioned, and accidentally whacked the soccer ball into Francine's head and gave her amnesia.
Some wild laser bursts miss Francine, then one hits the ball and it hits Francine’s head and she goes cross-eyed.
Francine: Muffy... who?
Alien: (gasps)
The ship flies off.
The fantasy ends.
Muffy: Hm... Well, you know, I've always thought soccer was dangerous.
Francine and Jenna walk by them.
Francine: And remember when he kicked the ball through his legs?
Muffy: Francine?
Francine: Oh, hi, Muffy. Sorry I didn't... (gasps) Your party. I'm so sorry. I totally forgot.
Muffy: How can you possibly forget?
Francine walks away sadly. Buster whispers to Muffy.
Buster: I won't say I told you so.
***
In class, Muffy watches Francine as she passes a note to Jenna via Arthur. Muffy writes a note to Francine.
Muffy: “I have to talk to you.”
Both Muffy and Jenna hand notes to Arthur. While Francine is reading Jenna’s note, Arthur puts Muffy’s note next to her, but the wind blows it to Binky, who reads it.
Muffy: (gasps)
She shakes her head.
***
After school, Muffy waits for Francine outside the entrance. Francine comes out with Jenna.
Muffy: Hey, Francine!
Binky: So, Muffy, what did you want to talk to me about?
Muffy: Binky, how rude! Can't you see I'm shouting? Hey, Francine! You want a ride home?
Francine: Oh, that's, um...
Mrs. Morgan waves from her car.
Jenna: I'll wait in the car, Francine.
Jenna goes to the car. Muffy talks to Francine while Binky starts playing with a yoyo.
Muffy: Hey, what's going on here, Francine?
Francine: Well...
Muffy: And how did you you just forget last night? I set up the award show party for you.
Francine: I know. Well... We were playing soccer, and then Jenna said she had the new soccer bloopers video, and...
Muffy: What?!
Francine: I said I was sorry. You never asked me if I really wanted to watch the lipstick awards, and it was my day to celebrate, and if I'm going to soccer camp, I need to practice at least a little.
Muffy: W-well, I-I can play soccer. I can. I just had a shoe emergency. You saw.
Francine: Okay, if you want to play...
Muffy: I do.
Francine and Muffy get into the Morgans’ car. It drives off, followed by the Crosswire limousine. Binky is still playing with his yoyo.
Binky: I did it! I'm walking the...
He notices that he is alone.
Binky: Girls!
~~~
On the soccer field, Muffy puts plastic bags over her designer shoes.
Muffy: Ugh! Okay, you guys. I'm ready now.
The ball hits a mud puddle and sprays mud on her.
Muffy: Agh!
Jenna and Francine run after the ball.
Jenna: I got it!
Francine: Come on, Muffy!
Muffy: Okay, I...
She tries to run after them, just as they are coming the other way.
Francine: Whee!
Jenna: (laughs)
Francine: Over here!
Jenna: I got it!
The sun comes out and Muffy puts on sunglasses, just in time to see the ball, Jenna and Francine coming her way.
Francine: Look out!
Muffy: Augh!
All three end up in the mud.
Francine+Jenna: (laugh)
Jenna: Okay, that was a great work-out. Now let's do something fun.
Francine: What do you mean? This is fun.
She kicks the ball and she and Jenna chase it.
Muffy: Maybe I should just find a best friend who wants to do the things I like to do.
Francine: Then go ahead. I'm not stopping you.
Muffy: (gasps) Well, maybe I will!
Francine: Well, maybe you should!
Muffy: Well, maybe I...
Jenna: Watch out!
The ball hits Muffy and knocks her down.
Muffy: (gasps) Agh! You're trying to give me amnesia!
Francine looks surprised. Muffy walks away and Francine resumes playing with Jenna.
***
Later, Muffy sits on a deckchair beside the Crosswire pool with a cool bag on her head. Brain is dipping his hand in the pool and Muffy picks up a clipboard.
Muffy: Okay, Brain. Before I play with you, I have to ask a few questions. Question number one: Did you think it was fair when diamonds lost to emeralds in the QVC jewelry awards?
Brain: Um...
Muffy: Correct. I was undecided, too. Question two: What goes best with silver lamé shoes?
Brain: A... black chenille gown with red vinyl belt and matching socks?
Muffy: I never thought of that. Oh, Brain, I'm so excited. This is going to be a great friendship. Okay, here is the last question. Don't worry, it's an easy one. Which is more important: pointedly: fashion or soccer?!
Cut to the gate slamming in Brain's face.
Muffy: Sorry, I really thought you were going to pass.
Brain: So, this is what failing feels like. Fascinating.
***
Muffy interviews Sue Ellen in the Armstrongs’ living room.
Sue Ellen: No, I don't like soccer...
Muffy: Perfect.
Sue Ellen: ...as much as I like taekwondo. Aieeee-yah!!
She does a kick jump onto the coffee table, which breaks. She catches a fruit bowl that stood on the table.
Sue Ellen: Oh...
Muffy crosses out her name.
***
Muffy interviews Fern, who is eating a yoghurt in the Walters’ kitchen.
Fern: I feel shopping is a waste of time better spent reading poetry.
Muffy crosses out her name three times and leaves.
***
Muffy interviews Prunella, who is sitting in front of her crystal ball.
Prunella: Oh, neat. I have a test, too. What is the best thing to do when Leo is rising from the house of Capricorn?
Muffy’s chair is suddenly empty.
***
Muffy walks into the Mega Kid clothes store at the mall with Buster and Bailey.
Muffy: Congratulations, Buster. You're the first person to pass the oral exam. Now let's on to the shopping test.
Buster: That includes lunch, right?
Muffy: Of course. That's where we compare our purchases. (gasps) Oh, look!
She runs and picks up a shirt with a butterfly.
Muffy: How adorable! What do you think?
Buster looks around.
Buster: Augh! Clothes... everywhere. Can't... breathe.
He runs out of the store.
Buster: Aaaaaagh!
Muffy: Buster!
Buster runs into a toy store.
Buster: (pants) Toys... (deep sigh) Better now.
Muffy crosses out his name.
***
Muffy sits in the mall restaurant.
Muffy: I must say you're the only candidate who's passed every test. You love spending money, and you have a refreshing lack of tolerance for other people's stupidity.
She is talking to D.W.
Muffy: You're just about perfect in every way.
D.W.: This French fry is underfried. I demand a refund.
Muffy nods. Mrs. Read comes.
Mrs. Read: Time to go, D.W. Thanks for watching her while I was shopping, Muffy.
They leave.
Muffy: If only you didn't have to take naps.
***
Back home, Muffy picks up the phone.
Muffy: Only one name left. I've got to make this one work out.
***
Muffy and Binky sit in a carousel at Wonder World.
Muffy: I can finally go on this ride without spinning it. Francine always spun it as fast as she could, and it made me sick.
The carousel starts turning. All the other kids spin their seats.
Muffy: Are you as bored as I am?
Binky: (snores)
***
Muffy and Binky stand in front of a movie theater.
Binky: You wanna see ‘Five Thousand Explosions and a Supernova’?
Muffy: Nah. Francine said it's too talky.
Binky: Okay. How about ‘Slobbering Idiots’?
Muffy: Look. Let's go to this one. Francine loved ‘Kickball Kids’.
***
Later, Muffy and Binky come out of the theater.
Muffy: Ha! And that part where the girl kicked the ball into the Sphinx and made it burp! Didn't that seem like something Francine would do?
Binky: Are we gonna shop or talk about Francine?
***
Later, Binky and Muffy stand on the soccer field with a new soccer ball. Muffy is wearing clothes like Francine.
Binky: All right! This is way better. Who gets to kick off first?
Muffy: Nobody, I guess.
Binky: Nobody?? What kind of a game is that?
Jenna runs unto the field with a ball.
Muffy: There's Jenna. Maybe we can play... doubles. Hi, Jenna. Where's Francine?
Jenna: Oh, she got weird and went to the mall.
Muffy: She did??
Jenna: Yeah. You guys wanna play?
Binky: Yeah!
Muffy: Thanks. Maybe later.
She runs off.
Binky: I thought we were gonna play.
Muffy: You guys go ahead without me.
***
Francine stands in a clothes store and looks sadly at a pair of shoes just like Muffy wore. Muffy joins her.
Muffy: Hi.
Francine: Muffy!
Muffy: You're shopping??
Francine: I'm not shopping. I was just looking for, um... er...
Muffy: Me, too.
Francine: Look, I was thinking, it's okay if you don't like to play soccer.
Muffy: And you don't have to shop with me. I mean, best friends don't have to be with each other twenty-four hours a day.
Francine: Right. Hey, let's celebrate. What should we do?
Muffy: Em...
Francine: Er...
Muffy+Francine: Go swimming? (laugh)
They run out of the store, past Mrs. Read, D.W. and Rattles.
Muffy+Francine: Yeah!
Rattles: Huh?
***
That evening at sundown, Binky and Jenna are still on the soccer field.
Binky: Don't tell Muffy, but I think you're kind of more fun to play with.
Jenna: You're fun too. Hey, do you wanna see 'Slobbering Idiots'?
Binky: Who wouldn't?