"Rhyme for Your Life"[]
Introduction[]
Several third-graders sit in Mr. Ratburn's puppet theater. Mr. Ratburn is backstage and checks his props.
Mr. Ratburn: Heart - He pulls a switch and it starts beating. - check. Pendulum - He lets it down on a rope. - check. Raven - He puts on a raven hand-puppet. Nevermore, nevermore! - check.
Arthur and Buster stand in front of the theater, which is on a fairground, and read the sign.
Arthur: “The collected works of Edgar Allan Poe”. This should be great! Remember when Ratburn did Dracula?
Buster: Are you kidding? I was in the front row! Look, my sweater still has ketchup on it! I'm going in to save us some seats. See you inside!
A hand falls on Arthur’s shoulder. It is Binky wearing a cloak over his head and holding a gnarly stick.
Arthur: (gasps) Oh, it's you, Binky! What's with the outfit? Are you part of the show?
Binky: Come here. Give me your ear. I'll tell you a tale that will fill you with fear.
He pulls Arthur away.
Arthur: But the show was almost starting.
Binky: It happened long ago, in a land far away. I was shopping for my Mom just before her birthday.
Arthur: I thought that was last week.
Binky: Would you let me tell my story, geek? I don't interrupt you when you speak.
Arthur: Okay, okay. But what's with all the rhyming?
He sits on tree stump.
Binky: All will be clear to he who sits and listens for eleven min-its.
Title Card: Binky Blows Bubble[]
Binky stands in Gula's Candy Shop.
Binky: I'll take six of those, eight of those and a dozen of the swirly things with the cherries. And I'd like it all in a big heart-shaped box!
Shop Worker: That'll be 32.50.
Binky: 32.50?? What can I get for five dollars?
Binky stands outside the store with a tiny bag.
Binky: Oh. Well, at least I can buy Mom a nice card.
***
In another store, Binky looks at a card of a little girl hugging a mummy.
Binky: "You make me smile when I feel crummy, I'm so glad that you're my Mummy"? He opens the card. “Happy Birthday.” Yuck! Hey, Muffy, what are you doing here?
Muffy: Bailey's birthday is coming up. Look! I found one just for chauffeurs. "Who says good help cannot be found? Thanks so much for driving me around." Isn't that sweet?
Binky: I guess. It's better than the cards for mothers.
Muffy: You're buying a card for your mother? That's so tacky! Why don't you make your own?
Binky: Oh, I'm no good at writing stuff like this.
Muffy: When I said "make" your own, I didn't mean you had to do it! Pay someone to do it!
***
Binky talks to Fern in the library holding a bitten sandwich and a pickle.
Binky: Come on. This is a great sandwich - I only took one bite! Look, I'll throw in the pickle!
Fern: Sorry, poems are personal things. You have to look within yourself and find the perfect words.
Binky: But I want it to rhyme, and there are no rhymes inside me! Just some salami and provolone.
Fern hands him a book: Poetry from A to Z.
Fern: Here. You can check out this poetry anthology. Read the greats. They'll inspire you!
***
That evening, Binky lies on the couch and writes in a notebook.
Binky: “Mother dear, I love you so. If I bend my head, I can smell my toe.” Oh, that doesn't make any sense. Thanks a lot Dainty, Bodie-liar and Into-sukky-shangay. [Dante, Baudelaire, Ntozake Shange] You've been no help at all! I couldn't make a rhyming poem if my life depended on it.
He turns on the TV and sees Frankenstein’s monster. His mother puts a blanket over him.
Mrs. Barnes: Cosy, sweetums?
She walks out.
Binky: I am a terrible son!
His eyes fall shut.
***
Binky finds himself lying in a forest at night.
Binky: Ah! Ah! Hey! Who took my comfy chair? He gets up and sees a horse-drawn coach coming up. Hey!
Francine, the driver, pulls the reins.
Francine: Whoa! Slow!
Binky: Excuse me, could you tell me where I am?
Francine: Verseburg of course. Step away from the horse.
Muffy looks out of the coach.
Muffy: You should be indoors, the curfew's at nine. And don't you know it's a crime not to rhyme?
Francine: Giddy-up, Buttercup.
The coach drives away.
Binky: Oh, great. This is a rhyming nightmare. Why couldn't I have just had the one where I'm being digested by a giant clam? Binky walks away and bumps into a girl (Clementine, who looks like D.W. wearing a Victorian-era dress and bonnet) who is gathering berries. Hm.
Clementine: Hey, watch where you're going, klutz! You made me spill my berries and nuts!
Binky: Uh, sorry... uh... Charlie!
Clementine: Charlie? I don't know who that is. You need to wear glasses. I'm Clementine, the daughter of Dr. Rhymenstein. Are you a stranger? You must be in danger! Better come with me, immediately!
She drags him away.
***
Clementine leads Binky up a narrow path to a castle.
Clementine: Those are my trees and this is my road. I used to have bees, but now I have a toad!
Purple Orange: (growls)
Purple hands push branches aside.
***
Binky is having dinner in the castle with Dr. Rhymenstein (Mr. Ratburn) and his daughter.
Dr. Rhymenstein: Another helping of peas? Or perhaps a slice of cheese? How nice to have some company. The villagers avoid me. I'm feared and hated because of that monster I created!
Binky: Monster?! The others look at him. I mean... Oh, no!
Dr. Rhymenstein walks about.
Dr. Rhymenstein: Yes, I wanted to make a thing of beauty, but used the wrong voltage and it all went ker-plooey!
The stones in the wall start moving. Then the Purple Orange bursts into the room.
Purple Orange: (roars)
Binky: Yikes!
He hides under the table.
Dr. Rhymenstein: (gasps) The Purple Orange! My hideous child which has no rhyme! Head for the hills while you still have the time! Aghh!
The Purple Orange grabs him and eats him. It pats its belly and looks at Clementine.
Purple Orange: You friend.
It grabs her.
Clementine: Put me down, you brute! I don't even like normal fruit! It carries her off. Let me go, you purple foe!
Binky comes up from under the table.
***
Binky runs to the police station and talks to the constable (Fern).
Fern: Okay, sir, now what did you see? State the facts slowly and clearly.
Binky: Me, Bin-kee! Me see... Oh, this is too hard! Look, a giant purple orange ate Dr. Rhymenstein and kidnapped his daughter.
Fern: Hans! Franz! Put this bum in cell number one.
The Tibbles as police officers advance on Binky.
Binky: But...
Fern: Tut, tut! Insufficient poetry is a class D felony! Besides, you expect me to believe that that's all fat? I bet you ate the doctor and his little brat!
Tommy: Move it, Bub! Or we'll use the club.
They lead Binky away.
***
The Tibbles put Binky in a cell.
Binky: Don't I get a lawyer? Or at least a phone call?
A man is standing in the same cell.
Williams: No phones in Verseburg, son. Just snail-mail. I'm William Carlos Williams.
Binky: I'm Binky. So I guess you can't rhyme either.
Williams: Sure I can: slime, sublime, waste of time. I just choose not to. I'm a political prisoner. Free verse! Free verse! Ah, what's the point? No-one listens. But you're in luck, son. There's a way out!
Binky: There is?
They go to a wall with a poster of Rita Hareworth on it. Williams removes the poster to reveal an escape tunnel.
Williams: I dug it with this pen. Took me fifty years! Hm. It would be good if we had a set of wheels. He looks around and sees books, a bust, a doctor’s bag and a red wheelbarrow. Ha!
***
Binky pushes the wheelbarrow with Williams sitting in it out of a water pipe.
Binky: (pants) My arms are killing me!
Williams: You should be happy you weren't stuck with Sylvia Plath. Now she's a heavy poet.
Binky climbs out of the pipe.
Binky: I'm sure I'll meet her. Someone's gonna find out I can't rhyme and then I'll be back in jail!
Williams: Ah, you'll get the hang of it, son. Here, take my old rhyming dictionary. Now go find that purple orange and clear your name. Then the people will know who's really to blame. Ah! They've gotten to me!
He walks away.
***
Binky walks over a field past a mooing cow. He carries William's book and a walking stick.
***
Binky walks through a dark wood past a hooting owl.
***
Binky reaches a village.
Rooster: Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Binky looks exhausted. A farmer (Buster) comes out of a barn with a basket of eggs.
Binky: Food! Hey, mister, can I have an egg? He consults the book. Um, my name is...Meg. I'm from... Win-Winnipeg. Don't make me beg!
The farmer hands him eggs.
***
Binky walks through an arctic setting.
Binky: C-C-Can't feel my toes! Or fingers, or nose! Hey! I'm getting the hang of this.
Between two icebergs, Clementine sits by a fire while the Purple Orange feeds seals.
Clementine: Clean up these peels, go feed the seals! Ugh! This blubber tastes like rubber!
Binky: Clementine! I found you!
Purple Orange: (roars)
He advances on Binky and Clementine who retreat.
Binky: Stay away!
Clementine: Oh, great! After he eats you, we'll need a bigger igloo.
Purple Orange: (roars)
Binky: Aa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h-h-h-h!
Snow falls down from the iceberg and buries the Purple Orange.
Binky+Clementine: (scream)
They run away.
Binky: That's called a barbaric yawp. Some guy I met named Walt Whitman taught it to me.
***
Binky is standing on a podium in the town of Verseburg in front of a crowd of people. The dead Purple Orange lies on a cart.
Crowd: Hooray! Hooray! We're saved!
Fern presents Binky with a barracuda mounted on a board.
Fern: For killing the monster and setting us free...
Buster raises a mug of purple drink.
Buster: ...and turning him into delicious fruit tea...
Fern: ...the people of Verseburg present you with this mounted barracuda, caught by our founder, the great Pablo Neruda.
Crowd: (cheer)
The dream ends.
***
Binky wakes up on the couch and turns off the TV.
Binky: Wo-ho! What an amazing dream! I'll just write that down and give it to Mom! She'll love it! (yawns) I'll do it in the morning.
He leaves the room.
***
The next morning Binky lies in bed and tries to remember the dream.
Binky: Think! Think!! There was a castle and a...a... giant clam! No! That was another dream. Aww, I forgot the whole thing!
***
Binky comes out of a store with a card.
***
Binky gives a butterfly-shaped card to his mother.
Mrs. Barnes: Binky! What a lovely card! Oh! Nothing's written in it.
Binky: I know. I wanted to write you a little poem, something pretty and rhyming, but I just couldn't think of anything, so I just left it blank.
Mrs. Barnes: I know you meant well, dear. It's okay.
Binky: No, it isn't! I mean, Mom, you're always so sweet and nice. You listen to my problems, you give me advice. If... if ever I'm in trouble, I just turn to you. Writing a poem is the least I could do! But I just couldn't do it. It's hopeless, you see. I bet a gorilla could rhyme better than me.
Mrs. Barnes: What do you mean you can't rhyme? That was beautiful!
Binky: (gasps) You're right! And it even made sense! Maybe I'm wrong and I'm not so dense! That's a table, that's a chair, that's a man who has no hair! He points at his father who stops smiling. Lamp, clock, belt from karate, a stain where I dropped the manicotti. Wahoo! This is amazing, I feel so giddy! I'm the best poet in Elwood City!
***
The story returns to Binky who is talking to Arthur.
Binky: Thus ends my tale of woe. Now you can go and listen to Poe.
Arthur: What's so sad about it? It sounds like your mom had a great birthday.
Binky: Don't you get it? Now I can't stop rhyming. Haven't you heard the words I'm combining?
Arthur: Oh, right. I can see why that would be a problem. Did you try...?
Binky: Hypnotism? Ha, of course. Lots of chicken soup? You bet. Look, Prunella even gave me a garlic amulet.
Arthur: Eeww! Maybe you just have to find something you can't rhyme, something really hard.
Binky: It doesn't exist! I'm telling you, this is scary. I can rhyme every word in the dictionary. It even happens with names, Arthur. Like a rhyme for yours is...is, er... Barthur? Carthur? Darthur? (mumbles) There's... Arthur! There's no rhyme for Arthur! I'm free! Yes! He drops his stick and cloak. Thanks!
He takes the rest of Arthur’s ice-cream cone and eats it.
Arthur: Well, it's a good thing he didn't run into the Brain. There are tons of things that rhyme with his name. Uh-oh! He picks up the stick and cloak. Alas! Poor, miserable me, a prisoner of poetry.
He walks off.