Introduction[]
Arthur sits down at the dinner table with a brownie and a glass of milk. Kate sits in her highchair. D.W. comes in.
D.W.: Arthur, did you see the parade?
Arthur: Parade? But it's raining out.
D.W.: It's a rain parade. The whole marching band is in raincoats and there's a big float shaped like an umbrella. It's right out front.
Arthur runs to the window. When he returns, D.W. is just replacing the brownie with a corner eaten away.
Arthur: There's no parade.
D.W:: (giggles)
Arthur: D.W.!
D.W. runs out.
Arthur: Kate!
Kate pushes over the milk glass.
Kate: Oh...
Arthur starts wiping up the milk.
Arthur: Sometimes I really wish I was an only child. Life would be so easy. I could be alone whenever I wanted...
Kate: (giggles)
In a fantasy, the girls’ room looks like a library. Arthur sits in an armchair with a wineglass.
Arthur (narrator): In fact, I could use D.W. and Kate's room as my own private library.
He picks up a dripping Princess Sneeze’n’Wet doll.
Arthur sits beside a Christmas tree. There are three stockings on the mantlepiece. On two of them, the girls’ names have been crossed out and replaced with “Arthur”.
Arthur (narrator): And I'd probably get lots more presents at Christmas.
Arthur sits on the couch.
Arthur (narrator): And, best of all, I'd never have to compromise.
Arthur: Now we're gonna watch the Bionic Bunny Special, then a Bionic Bunny rerun, and then this tape of my favorite Bionic Bunny episodes. Okay?
Pal: (barks)
The fantasies end.
Mr. Read: Arthur! Did you eat the last brownie?
Arthur quickly finishes eating the brownie.
Arthur: Actually, there is one good thing about having a little sister. D.W. ate it, Dad!
Title Card: Binky Blows Bubble[]
A banner in the park says “Annual Picnic”. The Armstrongs have set up a blanket on a hill. Sue Ellen paints a picture. She looks sadly at the other children having a wheelbarrow race, including Arthur and D.W.
Sue Ellen: (sighs)
D.W.: Go straight, Arthur! Straight!
Arthur falls over D.W., right in front of Sue Ellen.
Arthur: Oh!
Sue Ellen: Wow. That looks like fun.
Arthur and D.W. stand up and give each other dirty looks.
D.W.: Not when Arthur is steering. Last time he almost drove me into the lake.
Sue Ellen: (laughs) I can be your partner for the next race.
Arthur: Sorry, Sue Ellen. It's a brother and sister race.
D.W.: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this.
Arthur: It's only children, D.W. A lonely child is what you're going to be when I sell you.
Arthur and D.W. leave. Sue Ellen walks to a table on which Francine is doing cheerleader moves. Catherine sits on a bench nearby.
Francine: Give me an “O” and a “D”! What does that spell? Lakewood! And we’re gonna win ‘cause we’re real good.
Sue Ellen: Francine, have you taken up cheerleading?
Francine: My sister just taught me some moves. I thought we could use them during our really big games next year.
Catherine: Frankie, you have to raise your arms much higher on the O's.
Francine: Like this?
As soon as she raises her arms, Catherine tickles her.
Francine: (laughs) Stop!
Francine+Catherine: (laugh)
Sue Ellen walks sadly away.
***
Later that night, everyone gathers to watch a fireworks show.
Crowd: (gasp)
Sue Ellen jumps up and down to see better. She sees Timmy standing on Tommy’s shoulders.
Tommy: My turn!
They trade places.
Sue Ellen: Dad, can I get on your shoulders?
Mr. Armstrong: Sure, pumpkin.
When he lifts Sue Ellen, there is a cracking sound.
Mrs. Armstrong: Oh, honey, watch your back.
Sue Ellen continues watching from the ground. She looks at the other children.
Timmy+Tommy: (laugh)
Sue Ellen: (sighs)
***
Sue Ellen and her parents ride home in their car.
Sue Ellen: Mom? Dad? I know what I want for my birthday: a brother or a sister.
Mr. Armstrong: Oh. Well, if you had a brother or sister we might not be able to go on all our great adventures.
Mrs. Armstrong: Aren’t you excited to go to India this winter?
Sue Ellen: Yeah, but it'd be a lot more fun with a brother or sister.
***
Later, Sue Ellen lies on her bed with a teddy bear.
Sue Ellen: Well, Chester, Mom and Dad aren't going to get me a brother, so I guess I'll have to get one myself. But where? I don't think you can buy them.
Binky: Oww! Stupid bike!
Sue Ellen goes to the window and sees Binky fixing his bike.
Sue Ellen: Hmm... I guess Binky could be an older brother. He's big enough.
Sue Ellen imagines standing outside her house and looking at a frisbee on the roof.
Sue Ellen (narrator): He could certainly help me get "hard to reach" things.
Binky throws her up.
Binky: Allez-Op!
He catches her with the frisbee.
Sue Ellen: (laughs)
The fantasy ends.
Sue Ellen: And best of all, he could give me advice, like whether I should be an artist or an oceanographer when I grow up.
She shouts out of the window.
Sue Ellen: Hey, Binky! Stay right there! I'll give you a hand.
***
Binky and Sue Ellen sit in the Sugar Bowl.
Binky: An ocean-what?
Sue Ellen: Oceanographer, Binky. Someone who studies oceans.
Binky: That's a dumb thing to study. Why don't you study something cool, like... worms!
Sue Ellen: Gross! Besides, there's no such thing as a wormographer!
Binky: Well, there should be! Hmm... Maybe I can be the first one. Hey, you've given me some great advice. Thanks.
He leaves.
Sue Ellen: (sighs) Maybe my brother should be a little more helpful.
***
Sue Ellen and Brain sit in the library. Brain reads from a book.
Brain: “35% of the ocean floor is covered with sediment composed of silt, shale and schist.”
Sue Ellen: (sighs) I don't think I want to be an oceanographer any more.
Brain: I thought you might say that, Sue Ellen. It is kind of dry. So I got this book on different trends in art. From Giotto to Rothko. If we look at chapter 1...
Sue Ellen: (groans)
***
Sue Ellen comes out of the library.
Sue Ellen: This is tough. Maybe I need a boy who already has a sister, so they know the right way to be a brother. Hey... What about Arthur?
***
Sue Ellen sits at the Reads’ kitchen table with Arthur. The table is full of comic books and trading cards. Sue Ellen looks bored.
Arthur: Want to look at my Space Wars cards again?
Sue Ellen’s head tilts back and she starts snoring.
Sue Ellen: (snores)
***
Sue Ellen leaves the Read house.
Sue Ellen: Forget it! I think it's time to try something new. Like sisters.
***
Sue Ellen rings the Deegan’s doorbell. Prunella opens wrapped in a shawl.
Sue Ellen: Hi, Prunella! Why are you wearing that really strange...?
Prunella: Shhh! My name is not Prunella. It's Newt. You can be...Toad.
Sue Ellen: Toad?
Prunella: We're playing magic. We have to use special names, or Arcana, Mistress of the Dusk, will be upset.
Rubella calls from inside.
Rubella: Where are my assistants? Arcana is about to lose her cool!
Prunella: Quickly!
She pulls Sue Ellen inside.
***
Prunella and Sue Ellen stand in Prunella’s room, where Rubella is wearing a wizard’s hat and cape.
Rubella: For my first trick, I will need a hair scrunchy.
Prunella hands her one.
Rubella: Make that two scrunchies... in case the first one doesn't work out.
Prunella nudges Sue Ellen, who hands over a scrunchy.
Rubella: Now behold the powers of Arcana, Mistress of the Dusk!
She cuts the scrunchies.
Sue Ellen: Hey, that's my scrunchy!
Rubella: Quiet, infidel!
Sue Ellen: (gasps)
Prunella: You must believe, Toad. It doesn't work unless you believe!
Rubella: There, mortal. Your head gear is whole again! The trick is complete.
She holds up a scrunchy.
Sue Ellen: But this isn't mine.
Rubella: Oh, well, you can have it. A keepsake from the spirit world.
Sue Ellen: But I just...
The phone rings downstairs and Rubella rushes to the staircase.
Rubella: I'll be back. Don't move until I return. Lini, tahini, potato, knish! You will do exactly as I wish!
She runs down the stairs. Prunella stands frozen.
Sue Ellen: Sheesh!
***
The digital clock changes from 12:15 to 12:45. Sue Ellen lies on Prunella’s bed. Prunella has not moved.
Sue Ellen: Prunella, she probably just forgot about us. Can we please do something else now?
Prunella: Must remain still or be cursed.
Mrs. Deegan comes up the stairs.
Mrs. Deegan: Ready for some lunch, kids? Egg salad's on the table.
Sue Ellen: Where's Rubella?
Mrs. Deegan: She went to the movies with some friends.
She goes downstairs.
Sue Ellen: See, I told you there was no curse!
Prunella: What do you mean? I hate egg salad!
***
Sue Ellen is eating a Chinese take-away lunch with her parents.
Sue Ellen: Then we had to play what Prunella wanted, just because she's older. I think she's the worst brother or sister I’ve ever had!
The parents exchange looks.
Mr. Armstrong: Er... But honey, she's not your sister.
Sue Ellen: Oh, I know. I was just pretending.
Mrs. Armstrong: You really want a brother or sister that badly?
Sue Ellen: But not an older one. Next time I'm gonna be the boss.
***
Sue Ellen visits Arthur with a backpack. She is still wearing two different scrunchies.
Arthur: Hey, Sue Ellen. You want to try my new video game: Fish Finder 6 with improved graphics.
Sue Ellen looks bored.
Sue Ellen: Actually, Arthur, I'm here to babysit.
She walks inside.
Arthur: Huh? But everyone's home. We don't need a babysitter.
Sue Ellen: Oh. Well, could I play with D.W. for a couple of hours.
Arthur: What?? Don't you know what D.W. stands for? Disaster Warning!
Sue Ellen walks up the stairs.
Sue Ellen: Her room's upstairs, right?
***
Sue Ellen enters D.W.‘s room.
Sue Ellen: (sighs) She’s gonna be the perfect little sister. I just know it.
In her imagination she hands D.W. an origami swan.
D.W.: Wow, you made a swan out of a piece of paper. You can do anything!
Sue Ellen: For you, D.W.
D.W.: You’re the best sister in the whole world.
Sue Ellen: I know.
They toast with toy teacups. The fantasy ends.
A door slams, waking Sue Ellen out of her daydream. The real D.W. is giving her a stern look.
Sue Ellen: Oh. Hello, D.W. How are we doing today?
D.W.: Piggy-back.
Sue Ellen: You know what, I brought all this pretty colored paper and I thought we’d be able to…
D.W.: Piggy-back!
Sue Ellen: Okay. I suppose a little ride wouldn’t hurt.
D.W. jumps on her back.
D.W.: Yeah!
Sue Ellen: Oof!
***
Arthur is playing Fishfinder in the living room as D.W. rides by.
D.W.: Woo! Yippie! Faster! Faster! Yeah!
Sue Ellen: Is your sister always this active?
Arthur: She’s just breaking you in.
Sue Ellen: Back up the stairs, horsey! I wanna go back up!
Arthur: Easy, D.W. She doesn’t know who she’s dealing with.
***
Sue Ellen puts D.W. down on a couch.
Sue Ellen: Hey, D.W., I’ve got an idea. Let’s play “Simon Says”. I'll be Simon. Simon says hands on your hips.
D.W.: You said your name was Sue Ellen.
Sue Ellen: Yes, but now I'm Simon. Now put your hands at your sides. Nope, you lose, because Simon didn't say so.
D.W. folds her arms.
D.W.: Sure you did, Simon.
Sue Ellen: I'm not Simon now.
D.W.: Well, then who are you? Daddy, there's a stranger in the house!!
Sue Ellen: Forget it. Forget it. We'll play something else.
D.W.: (mean chuckle)
***
Sue Ellen and D.W. have a tea party. D.W. drinks and spits it out.
D.W.: This is juice! I don't want juice! I want orange soda!
Sue Ellen: But orange soda doesn't look like tea and this is a tea party.
D.W.: I don't want a tea party! I want an orange soda party! If I don't get orange soda soon, I'm gonna cry! One, two...
Sue Ellen give D.W. an origami swan.
Sue Ellen: Here, D.W., I made this paper swan for you. It took me hours.
D.W.: Oh, the pretty birdy. I want to see it fly.
She throws the swan out of the window.
Sue Ellen: No!
The swan falls to the ground and is eaten by Pal.
D.W.: Oops.
Sue Ellen looks angry.
***
Arthur is still playing Fishfinder when Sue Ellen comes in with part of her face painted blue and something yellow in her hair.
Sue Ellen: Arthur! I'm sorry! I just can't take it anymore!
D.W. follows with a pot of paint and a brush.
D.W.: Sue Ellen, wait! I haven't finished your beauty makeover yet.
Sue Ellen: No!!
She runs out.
Arthur: Actually, she lasted longer than most babysitters.
***
Sue Ellen lies down on her bed and holds her teddy bear.
Sue Ellen: (sighs) My room! My things! You know, Chester, being an only child may be lonely sometimes, but at least it's safe.
Her parents come in.
Mr. Armstrong: Sue Ellen, we’ve got a big surprise for you.
Mrs. Armstrong: It's a little boy.
Sue Ellen: Oh no.
***
In the Sugar Bowl Sue Ellen shows Arthur, Brain and Binky a picture of a boy in an Asian village.
Sue Ellen: His name is Tenzin. He lives in Tibet.
Brain: Wow, that's so exciting!
Sue Ellen: My parents are gonna help him go to school, and he and I are gonna write letters to each other. My mom says I can think of him kind of like a little brother.
Arthur: Well, I think he's the perfect brother, Sue Ellen.
Sue Ellen: Why is that?
Arthur: Because he's three thousand miles away.