The Rat Who Came to Dinner/Transcript

Introduction

Arthur walks into his dad’s workshop with a football.

Arthur: Dad, I got the ball. Let’s play!       The man with the chef’s head turns around. It is Mr. Ratburn.

Mr. Ratburn: There’s no time for play. We have a lot of work to do.

Arthur: Oh, er... hi, Mr. Ratburn. I'm looking for my dad.

Mr. Ratburn: Very funny, Arthur. Now put down that ball and help me stuff turkeys for the Crosswires' big party.

Arthur runs into the house. Mrs. Read is working on the computer.

Arthur: Mom! Mom! I went up to the garage to talk to Dad and... Dad's not there.     Mrs. Read turns around. She is a rat who speaks with Mr. Ratburn’s voice..

Mrs. Ratburn: He was out there a minute ago.         Arthur steps back and bumps into D.W., who is also a rat.

D.W. Ratburn: Hey!

Arthur: Augh!

D.W. Ratburn: Watch where you're going!

Arthur: What's going on? Where's my family?    Mr. Ratburn comes in with a turkey.

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur Ratburn, stop fooling around and get to work.      Pal has a face like a rat and also speaks with Mr. Ratburn’s voice.

Pal Ratburn: Woof! Woof!

Arthur: Noooo!

Arthur wakes up in bed.

Arthur: Hh!   He picks up a normal looking Pal.  (sighs)   What could be worse than dreaming that your teacher lives in your house?    Mr. Ratburn comes in with a plate of waffles.

Mr. Ratburn: Arthur, if you don't hurry, D.W. and I will eat all the delicious blueberry waffles your dad made!

Title Card: Arthur in the Shower

A roofer stands in Mr. Ratburn’s house and points to cracks in the ceiling.

Roofer: What you got here is a ton of snow on your roof.

Mr. Ratburn: Yes... Is the roof going to collapse?

Roofer: Nah. As soon as the snow melts, I'll fix the cracks. But this'll hold. No problem.

Mr. Ratburn: What a relief!     They are about to go when part of the roof collapses and snow falls into the room.

Roofer: Or, er... you might want to get this fixed right away.

Mr. Ratburn: (chatters teeth)

#

Arthur looks out of the living room window. It is snowing outside.

Arthur: Saturdays with snow are the best!    He sits down on the couch. Pal sits down beside him.     Ah! Just in time for Dunce Patrol!   He turns on the TV where three teenagers are seen.

Girl: Well, duh!

Boy 1: Duh!

Boy 2: Well, duh!     

Girl: Duh!     Mrs. Read comes in.

Mrs. Read: Arthur?    Oh! That show is so dumb!

Arthur: Mom, after a hard week at school, it's fun to kick back, watch some dumb guys and know I won't have to see or think about Mr. Ratburn all weekend!

Mrs. Read: That's what I wanted to tell you, Mr. Ratburn's roof collapsed and he has nowhere to stay.

Arthur: Oh. That's too bad.

Mrs. Read: I knew you'd feel that way. So we invited him to stay here.

Arthur: Hmm...  Huh??   Aughh!!

Kate and D.W. sit at the kitchen table. Mrs. Read gets juice from the refrigerator. Arthur comes in agitated.

Kate: (gurgles)

Arthur: What...? You… He... Here  Who… He stay...?

D.W.: (singsong:) “Arthur's teacher's gonna stay here!”

Arthur: He can't!

Mrs. Read: Just until they fix his roof.

#

Arthur and Buster sit in a snow fort right next to the treehouse.

Arthur: It's too weird! My teacher in my house, walking on my carpet, drinking from my cups and touching my stuff? Bleugh!

Buster: It’s so wrong! School is at school and home is at home, because they're not supposed to ever come together!

Arthur: Exactly! My parents have to understand that!

#

Arthur is talking to his parents who are folding laundry in the basement.

Arthur: How can you not understand? It's wrong! It goes against nature!

Mr. Read: The poor man has nowhere else to go.

Arthur: Are there no hotels?

Mrs. Read: He's going to stay here. And we're all going to make him feel welcome!   Arthur goes up the stairs.

#

Buster and Sue Ellen are having a snowball fight with Francine and Arthur.

Buster: (laughs)

Francine: So he's coming whether you like it or not, huh?    She throws a snowball and ducks.     It'll be just like taking a test. All the time!

In his imagination Arthur is eating breakfast. Mr. Ratburn runs up to him.

Mr. Ratburn: Quick!

Arthur: Ah!

Mr. Ratburn: What's seven times eight?

Arthur watches Bionic Bunny. Mr. Ratburn holds a balloon in front of the TV.

Arthur: This is your brain. And this is your brain when you watch junky TV.   He noisily lets the air out of the balloon.

Mr. Ratburn bangs on the bathroom door.

Mr. Ratburn: Are you doing homework?

Arthur: I'm taking a bath!

Mr. Ratburn: I'm sliding a waterproof pad under the door. Write the names of the continents in in order of size.

The fantasies end.

Arthur: (groans)    He lies down in the snow.