What's Cooking?/Transcript

What's Cooking

Introduction

D.W. Read: Hi. I'm D.W. And this is gonna be the best show you've ever seen. You Know why? Because Arthur's letting me do the show opener!

Arthur Read: CUT! D.W., you have to look right at the camera so you make contact with the viewers.

D.W.: Okay, okay!

Arthur: Show opener, take two!

D.W.: Hello, my name's D.W. I'm opening the TV show today and it's gonna be...

Arthur: Cut! This isn't working. We need---we need a different setting. Someplace more exciting and scenic, like the ocean.

D.W. is on a boat on the ocean.

D.W.: Hello, everyone!

Arthur: Cut! Too much motion. We need something just as scenic but not as distracting. Like, I know, outer space!

D.W. is an astronaut in space.

D.W.: Hel...

Arthur: CUT! This isn't right, either. It's too...

D.W.: Listen, Arthur! You said you were gonna let me do this myself. Now let me do it!! Hello, and welcome to our TV show. My name is...

Arthur: Cut. That was actually great, D.W., but we're out of time. Well Done, though.

D.W.: Arrrrgghhhhh!

Title Card: Bird's Egg

Mr. Ratburn hangs up a poster in a school corridor.  

Mr. Ratburn: You kids are so lucky. This is one contest I wish I could enter!     Arthur, Buster and Muffy look at the poster.

Arthur: "Chef Ming Tsai is coming to judge the kids cooking contest." Who's Ming Tsai?

Muffy: He's the host of "Simply Ming" on TV!

#

The Read family is having dinner.

Mr. Read: And the judge is Ming Tsai? Arthur, this is huge!     He goes out and brings in a box full of recipes.      What should we make for this contest?   Jalapeno cheese straws? Nah, too festive. Brie en croute? Too conservative.

Arthur: The cooking contest is for kids, Dad.

D.W.: Good, then we can make oobleck! I learned the recipe for oobleck at my school.

Arthur: People don't eat oobleck, D.W. And besides, I already know what I want to make - chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake.

Mr. Read: I have a terrific recipe for chocolate brandy cake with roasted hazelnut filling.

Arthur: I just want a simple chocolate cake, Dad. And I want to make it all by myself, with no help.

Mrs. Read: You're gonna have to have some help with the oven and the stove, and I'm working on the Crosswire taxes, so it'll have to be Dad.

Mr. Read: Don't worry Arthur, I'll stick to oven and stove help only. Oh, here! Classic chocolate cake. Oh, this is a fantastic recipe, you'll love it.

Arthur: Doing it all by myself includes choosing the recipe.

#

Arthur and Buster study cook books in the library. Sue Ellen joins them holding a stack of cards..

Sue Ellen: Oh, hi, you guys. Researching recipes?

Buster: "Getting hungry" is more like it.

Arthur: What are those?

Sue Ellen: They're just some information cards I laminated.

Arthur: Information cards?

Sue Ellen: The recipe I chose is rendang, which means "water buffalo stew". It comes from the Minangkabau tribe in Indonesia, so I'm going to provide Ming with facts about their cooking practices.

Arthur: (gulps)

Sue Ellen: Well, see you guys. I've gotta get home and start working on my costume.

Arthur: Costume?

Sue Ellen: I wouldn't feel right serving rendang without wearing native dress.     She leaves. Arthur slumps on the table.

Arthur: Aw…

Buster: Don't worry. You don't need a costume when you've got a great chocolate cake!

#

Arthur and Buster walk down a street. Brain comes out of a store carrying two bags.

Buster: Hey, Brain. What's in the bags?

Brain: Just a few things for my hydroponic greenhouse. Want to see it?

#

Arthur, Buster and Brain stand in a greenhouse in the Powers’ garden.

Brain: I've transformed my parents' old greenhouse into this fully functioning hydroponic system.

Arthur+Buster: Wow!

Brain: The success of my berry tart for the contest depends on the quality of the ingredients themselves. It was imperative to cultivate the sweetest possible berries.      Arthur and Buster exchange looks.

#

In the Reads’ kitchen, Mr. Read melts butter in a pan. He fills the butter in a bowl that Arthur is holding.

Arthur: I need to do something that makes my chocolate cake really special.

Mr. Read: Good idea. A good chef always has a signature, something that makes his recipe unique.

Arthur stirs the batter and passes the bowl to Buster who tastes it.

Buster: Hmm. Delissimo! You know what I think it needs a little more of? Sugar!    He wants to pour in sugar.

Mr. Read: No! No, no! Uh… nothing makes a cake taste less sophisticated than extra sugar.

Arthur: Dad!

Mr. Read: But I'm just trying to... help.

Arthur: How about if I add more extra dark chocolate?       He pours it in.

Buster: Yeah, good idea.

Arthur: Tell me what you think of this.    Buster tastes.

Mr. Read: How come he gets to give advice?

Arthur: He's a kid, Dad.

Mr. Read: Okay, but may I please offer you one small, yet crucial, piece of advice about chocolate cake? It's good to go off-recipe and experiment a bit.    He looks at Buster who is licking the spoon.   But there is one ingredient you absolutely must use and use properly in order to make a successful chocolate cake, and that is... baking powder.      He throws a packet to Arthur.

Arthur: Got it. Baking powder.  Mm. I found my signature ingredient! An extra amount of extra dark chocolate!

#

Arthur, Buster, Muffy and Sue Ellen sit at a table in the school cafeteria.

Sue Ellen: I’ve gotta run down to the art room to see if the glue on my headdress is dry yet.     She leaves.

Arthur: I hope Ming Tsai is nice.

Muffy: I wouldn't count on it. Ming Tsai was voted one of the fifty most beautiful people in "Famous Faces" magazine.

Buster: So?

Muffy: So? He's not only famous, he's glamorous! What if my quiche Lorraine doesn't have enough glamour?

Arthur: He's not going to judge your quiche on its glamour, Muffy. That wouldn't be fair.

Muffy: But you've seen those TV judges. They're never fair.

In her imagination, Muffy stands in the American Chef-Idol studio and is judged by Ming Tsai and a woman. Ming Tsai spits out Muffy’s quiche.

Ming: I have to say, Muffy, that bite of quiche was a complete waste of taste buds and saliva.

Woman: Ming, you awful brute! How can you say such a thing about Muffy's quiche? Muffy, your quiche Lorraine was delicious!

Ming: It was vomitrocious! It was an absolute disgrace. Muffy should be forbidden from cooking ever again.

Muffy: But I didn't even make this quiche! My cook did!

The fantasy ends.

Muffy: He probably has impossibly high standards!

Arthur: I bet he takes cooking really seriously.

Arthur sees himself in large arena in front of a small kitchen wearing a chef’s hat. He nervously rubs his nose.

Announcer: Making a chocolate cake in the left cooking ring, we have dessert chef Arthur Read! And making his famous stir-fried butterfly shrimp with orange-yuzu syrup is the renowned Ming Tsai! Chefs, take your position! On your marks! Get set! Go!

Ming Tsai expertly cuts shrimps and vegetables while Arthur slowly begins to mix ingredients for cake. Ming Tsai fries the shrimps and serves them on a bed of vegetables, before Arthur has put all the ingredients together.

Ming Tsai: Done.

Announcer: Ten seconds, ladies and gentlemen! We have our winner! Ming Tsai prepared a full gourmet meal in just ten seconds!

The fantasy ends. Arthur stands up.

Arthur: Well, at least Ming Tsai is going to be the judge, not a contestant.

#

D.W. kneads dough.

D.W.: (singsong:)  And Ming Tsai says D.W.'s the winner! D.W.'s oobleck is the best recipe in all of the land!

She pours in water and all of the baking powder.

Mr. Read: Where's Arthur?     D.W. points towards the living room.

Arthur is watching TV.

Mr. Read: What are you doing, Arthur? This is your last day to practice before the contest.

Arthur: I'm going to set my alarm and wake up early to make the cake. Today I'm resting, like a boxer does the day before a big match.

Mr. Read: Okay, champ. You're going to be great out there.

#

Arthur wakes up at 6:10 AM. The next morning. He puts his glasses on and gets out of bed.

Arthur: (yawns)

#

In the kitchen, Arthur gets the ingredients together.

Arthur: Butter, eggs, sugar, extra dark chocolate, baking powder...     He notices that the box is empty.   Hh!

#

Arthur wakes his dad who is still in bed.

Arthur: Dad! Dad!

Mr. Read: Er, what? Huh?

Arthur: D.W. used up all the baking powder yesterday! The most important ingredient in a chocolate cake, remember? This is an emergency!

Mr. Read: Ah... I have baking powder in my catering supplies.

Arthur: On the shelf in the garage?

Mr. Read: Yes, in a silver canister marked "baking powder."     He turns around as Arthur leaves.    Be sure not to take the canister marked "baking soda."       

#

In the garage, Arthur sees several cans. He takes the one labelled “Baking” and takes into the kitchen. He does not notice that the full label is “Baking Soda”. Arthur starts making the batter.

 #

In the greenhouse, Brain collects berries and puts them on his tarte.

 #

In the Crosswire kitchen, Bailey holds a quiche while Muffy puts her initials on it in green spice.

 #

Sue Ellen poses in front of her mirror in an Indonesian dress.

 #

Back in the Reads’ kitchen, Arthur notices that his cake is flat.

Arthur: Oh no! It's... flat.    (screams)

#

Arthur and Buster arrive at school.

Buster: Well, don't feel that bad, Arthur. I mean, look at my frozen fruit pop entry!     He holds up a self-made frozen pop which is melting.     It's melting!

Arthur: At least you have an entry.      Muffy stands on the school steps.

Muffy: Hurry up! Ming is already here! He's really nice, you guys. Even though he's famous, he's friendly!          She runs back inside.

Arthur: I wonder if he's friendly to kids whose cooking creations are a total flop.

#

The lunchroom/auditorium is full of tables on which kids are presenting their food. Ming Tsai is inspecting Sue Ellen’s table.

Sue Ellen: And if you refer to fact 10-b on your information card, you'll see that the spoon you are using was chiseled by hand by an old woman from the Minangkabau tribe.

Ming Tsai: What a thorough presentation this is! And the water buffalo stew...    He tries some.

Sue Ellen: rendang.

Ming: Yes, rendang. It's delicious!

Ming Tsai walks to Brain’s table and tries a bit of tarte.

Mr. Read knocks at the door.

Mr. Read: Wait! The contest must be stopped! Wait!

Arthur: Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? This is a kids' contest!

Mr. Read comes in with a plate covered by cloth. He removes it to reveal a plate of brownies.

Mr. Read: Arthur, you made a fantastic batch of brownies!

Arthur+Buster: Brownies?

Mr. Read: Mr. Tsai, I...

Ming Tsai: Call me "Ming," please. So, it looks like you made some wonderful brownies, Arthur.

Arthur: I.. did?

Mr. Read: Uh, Ming... heh... My son was aiming to bake a cake, but by accident he used baking soda instead of baking powder, and...

Arthur: That's why they were so flat? I just thought I'd made a huge mistake, so I didn't even bring them in.        Ming Tsai pats Arthur’s shoulder.

Ming Tsai: Well, your mistake looks pretty good to me. Let me tell you that some of the best recipes started out as mistakes.

In Ming Tsai’s story, an imperial Chinese cook makes dumplings.

Ming Tsai: A long, long time ago in ancient China, the emperor's cook was preparing a dinner of dumplings, but he made a mistake. He didn't watch the pot, and all the water boiled off.

Cook: Augh!

Cook’s Son: What is it, father?

Cook: These dumplings. They're stuck to the bottom of the pot!

Cook’s Son: The emperor is ready to eat now. Quick, I'll put the dumplings on a plate for him.

Cook: But I will be severely punished when he sees my terrible mistake!

The cook’s son brings the plate with the dumplings to the emperor and bows.

Emperor: These dumplings are shriveled and brown.

Cook’s Son: Your majesty, may I present you with a new recipe from the kitchen? They're called... um… pot stickers!

Emperor: Mmm... Delicious! From now on, I declare that all my dumplings shall be pot stickers!

The story ends.

Ming Tsai: And that's how pot stickers were invented - from a mistake.

Arthur: Except the emperor thought the pot stickers were delicious.    Ming Tsai tastes a brownie.

Ming Tsai: And so are your brownies! Delicious!

Sue Ellen: So, Ming, who's the winner?

Ming Tsai: Well, Sue Ellen, the ultimate grand prize winner is... me.

Buster: Hey!

Sue Ellen: Hey!

Muffy: That's not fair!

Ming Tsai: You know why I'm the winner? Because I get to eat all this wonderful food you all worked so hard to prepare! Want to be winners, too?

Sue Ellen: Oh, yes!

Arthur: Yeah!

Ming Tsai: Dig in!        The kids start eating Arthur’s brownies and the other kids’ food. A caption reads "Special Thanks to Ming Tsai".