What's the Use of Presents? is a song from the special Arthur's Perfect Christmas. It is also the eleventh track on the special's soundtrack album, which includes a bit of additional dialogue by Arthur not heard in the television special.
The song is about Muffy feeling empty at Christmastime because she had a fight with Francine after she got upset with her for not coming to her Christmas party because she wanted to spend time with her family for Hanukkah.
The song has a similar melody to "Beauty School Dropout" from the 1978 movie Grease. It also has the same melody as "D'yer Mak'er" by Led Zeppelin.
Lyrics[]
Arthur
37 presents? Wow, Muffy. This is probably your biggest Christmas ever. But why do you look so unhappy? Did you and Francine have a fight?
Muffy
I got a clubhouse
I think it's the biggest in the world
I'd be the princess
And Francine a serving girl
It'd be so neat
And if she was sweet
I might even let her be queen
But not this year
'Cause I can't call Francine
Check out this toy train
Something Francine would love to use
Maybe she'd drive it
While I eat cake in the caboose
I'd be warm in my stole
While she shoveled coal
Till there was nothing we hadn't seen
But not this year
'Cause I can't call Francine
Oh, these video games are just so lame
When you only play the computer
And who will I take to see Swan Lake?
I guess I will bring my tutor
Oh, that'll be a lot of fun.
Here is a puzzle
It's in 20,000 pieces
Maybe I'll finish it
By the time I have grandnieces
Oh, I got pretty dolls, stuffed animals, a miniature submarine
But what good are presents?
I find them so unpleasant
Who wants presents if I can't share them with... Francine?
Francine, Francine
Oh!